His heart is shattered, because mine passed away peacefully yesterday afternoon, December 17th at 3:25 pm. We were together until the very bittersweet end and he suffers no longer. It has been an incredible privilege to be his wife, his lover and partner for the past decade. We have both been blessed by so many, having had so many prayers and positive thoughts sent our way, especially during this past year. Alfred wanted me to express his gratitude to those who have "been here" for us both and my own gratitude joins his. Thank you all for your continued prayers, hugs, love and support. Each of you, just like my beloved was, is a gift from the God of my Understanding to me.

Here we go again, kids.  Not enough time to write a real post - must be up early for a meeting at the nursing home in the early morning.  Looks like we have a new learning experience. :D

So - will we be getting our old archives back?  I didn't have time to do a back up on mine, when Keith restored them.  aaaaaaagggghhhhh!

Yep, it's the last time I celebrate the end of a decade!!! If I ever mention planning on doing so in the future, please tie me up long enough to read this post. As most of you know, Spouse & I were married ten years ago, on this day. I drove down and spent the day with him, which included a beautiful and quite yummy cake that I ordered from the store. We were able to share the cake with some of the other veterans on his ward and the nursing staff. I brought a chunk home for me to have for breakfast & he's got a chunk for tomorrow, too. That was nice, sharing the cake with the guys & nurses. They enjoyed it too. I got some nice bike gloves for Spouse - the type without fingers, so he won't hurt his hands wheeling himself around in his chariot. I picked up a nice Sony CD/mp3/FM radio walkman for him, as well & took some of his fave CDs down, so he can enjoy his music. He was rocking out to Santana when I left to go home.

So, what did I get? You really wanna know? I'll try to condense it into a list...

the first thing I got was a dog bite on my calf, last night. One of the outside kids accidentally bit my leg, when he was going for another of the kids. The other kid moved his nose and my leg took the snap. It was an accident, otherwise, he would have been taken to the vet today, for the long nap. That's 1, Boscoe. Ouch.

A spider bit me on the bottom of my foot, while I was sleeping. Perhaps it happened this morning, while I was oversleeping because I forgot to set the alarm & my sis forgot she was supposed to give me a wake up call. Either way, I slept through the bite & now it itches. At least, it's on the opposite leg as the dog bite. Ouch & itch.

A torn muscle in my lower back, when I leaned over to put on my undies, after the shower. That's the first time I realized you can actually hear a muscle rip. What a weird riiiiip-pop sound that was. Ouch.

Had a few near misses and mechanical mishaps, en route to the VA, but am glad the car didn't roll and I survived the rest, as well. Damn lucky, to be honest. I should be dead, but no scratches and no dings in the car either. Can you say miracle? By the way, that ditch is a helluva lot deeper than it looks from the road. Whew!

Started paying Much better attention and had a fairly uneventful trip & visit with Spouse. I left, with enough time to make it home before dark thirty and stopped at Sonic to get a cherry limeade for the ride. Love those things. Every time I drink one, I think back to the time my sis & I were working on Mom's house, following her funeral. We went to Sonic every day for the cherry limeades. Now, when I have one, a smile is guaranteed to be plastered on my face. Funny how some foods and drinks will do that. I got a huge one, so I'm still drinking & smiling. :D

Stopped at the Target in Watertown, mostly to drain the vein & to check out if there was anything in the clearance that I might want. Spouse told me to go get myself something as his anniversary present for me, since he is unable to get to the stores. Found a pretty pair of earrings in the clearance and headed toward the registers. En route, I went past the jewelry counters & discovered a bracelet that matches, exactly, the new earrings. In the budget & now mine, mine, all mine! Pretty, sparkly and they both match a ring I recently got. Nice! Thank you, Spouse.

Began the trek home, now that I'd found a little something from Spouse to me, and drove past all the burger joints without stopping. I thought the day had finally turned around & was going to close nicely. Pulled into our driveway, glad to see the porch light and turned off the car. Home sweet home, right? Went into the garage to feed the outside kids their dinner and took 4 tasty biscuits out of the jar that I keep in the file cabinet. Yes, I said that. If I left it out in the open, they'd figure how to take the lid off the jar. I know they would. That or eat through the jar, to get the biscuits. Handed one to Boscoe, one to Lil' Bit, one to Ingo and then started to hand one to Anwar. He was excited and chomped down on the biscuit, and my thumbnail. His fang left a tiny blue bruise in the middle of my thumbnail. It hurt so bad, the next finger hurts, too. That's 1, Anni. It'll heal. So will the other dog bite on my leg, the spider bite, the torn back muscle and the blister on my heel.

The way I see it, I earned the earrings and bracelet & so I finally decided what Spouse is getting me for our anniversary. He's buying me a new tattoo. I have some scars on my left arm, from way back when I was a kid & a cutter. I'd like something pretty with dragonflies and pansies... anyone want to contribute a design that is about 2.5 to 3 inches squarish?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?

Warning - this post is a mini-novel!

Was it only last evening the brilliant glow of the full moon lit the freeways and highways, as I motored the Toylet toward our little house on the prairie? As I headed north, through the mini-blizzards of tiny moths and night bugs, the dark rain clouds eventually gave way to a star sparkled indigo sky and the temperatures began to drop. The cool breeze felt wonderful against my skin, as I flicked ashes from my cigarette out the partly open window. The hour was late, my body exhausted, but it felt as if an millstone had been lifted from my shoulders. A smile soon replaced the new nervous tick that recently began tormenting the corner of my mouth. The car seemed to drive itself, as I lost my thoughts in the beauty of the midnight hour, off the freeway, to the highway, then down the small town street which led to the gravel roads that led to our driveway. I was glad I'd had the foresight to leave the front porch light on, a welcoming beacon to home. As I pulled off the gravel road into the drive, the outside dogs began a chorus of excited yelps and barking, while two of the cats came scampering from the shelter of the moon-washed red barn to greet me. It seemed as if this was the first time, in many, many months, I was glad to come home. The funny thing is, my feelings of guilt about feeling so free were fleeting, then gone. Chikki and Muffin, the house dogs, were both kenneled overnight at the vets, so I only had to thank the outside dogs and kitties for their lovely serenade and take the few belongings into the quiet, empty house.

The house was dark, except for the few corners that were dimly lit by the glowing moon and yard light. A television, left on in Spouse's bedroom, broke the silence, as I left the kitchen and headed toward my own bedroom, where my pajamas laid waiting for me on the bed. It felt wonderful to be home, with no worry of whether Spouse was laying on the floor in his own feces or needing something immediately. I took my time to change into the jammies, enjoying the opportunity to not feel rushed and stressed out. It was the first time in what seemed ages I did not have to walk on eggshells in my own home.

On Sunday afternoon, I decided, after discussing it with a few family members and a friend in the medical profession, to accept that it was time to let go. Spouse was no longer trying to participate in his health & recovery, rather he had taken to his bed and refused to do his exercises and therapies. More and more, he opted to sleep instead of getting up and sharing the day with me. His appetite was nearly non-existent and it was a struggle to get him to eat. I realized there was a possibility of that urinary infection returning, which would explain the behaviors and his muddled thoughts.

On Sunday, it was almost impossible to awaken him and this frightened me, big time. The moment had finally arrived when I knew that no matter how dearly I loved this man, my skills were inadequate to provide the type of care he needed. It was increasingly difficult to pick him up from the floor when he fell, now that my shoulder and back were injured from previous struggles to get him up from the floor. The man is not a feather-weight, but rather a fragile, stiff and heavy person who was unable to understand the lifting process, let alone be of much help when he did have to be lifted. I now understood that if he continued to live at home, not only would my own health be compromised beyond repair, it was no longer safe for him to remain in my care. No, I would never hurt him intentionally, but I could not continue the 24 hour, round the clock care and stress of trying to help him get well. Especially if this blasted urinary infection was going to keep returning and making him so sick every few weeks.

I phoned the neighbor (our neighbors are such a blessing!) and asked for some help in getting Spouse to the car. With his help, I began trying to convince a very impudent Spouse that he needed to get in the car, to make it to a doctor appointment. I knew he would be argumentative if I said we were going to the hospital in Sioux Falls, so I warped the truth a bit. Even so, Spouse refused to stand and began calling me by his previous wife's name and telling me there was no f*#!@ng way he was going anyplace with Veronica. The neighbor's eyes grew as large as saucers, upon hearing me gently remind Spouse that he was no longer married to her, but it was me, his "Pooh" taking him on a road trip. Yep, that was humorous, indeed.

It only took about half an hour to get him down the steps and into the vehicle, then buckled in. My good neighbor stayed outside and chatted with Spouse while I went back inside to grab a few of Spouse's belongings. Even so, in my own frazzled state of mind, I was unable to locate his glasses and totally forgot about his teeth that were soaking in the bathroom. I remembered the teeth, about halfway to the hospital (an hour & 1/2 later), and put them on my mental list of things to take the next time I visited Spouse. With his condition being so compromised, I knew he would have just choked on them anyway.

Once we on the road, he fell back asleep and I was kept company by the radio. As we entered the outskirts of the huge city, Spouse woke up and began reaching for the visor above his head. When asked what he might be doing, he informed me that he was doing my job, arranging the lights. Huh? Arranging the damned lights in the car, of course! Was I an idiot or something? Um, yep, probably so. I watched him, between keeping my eyes on the increasing traffic of the city and I understood what he was doing, finally. The lights from the cars behind us were shining on the visor and he felt they were not in the proper place. I figured it kept him occupied, so just let him have his fun. If only that fun of his had lasted longer.

Suddenly, he had a moment of clarity and he became extremely agitated! He recognized where we were and demanded to know wtf was going on. Why were we in Sioux Falls, in the dark of night and going toward the VA hospital? He struggled to grab the gear shifter on the console between us and we had a minor scuffle over ownership of it. Fortunately, I had gotten off of the freeway by now and was taking a back road to the hospital that is less congested, especially at night. My hand claimed a firm grip on the gear shifter and he relented, sitting back in his seat and going back to sleep.

Another potential for danger averted, I continued on to the Urgent Care parking area. Once I had parked the car, I woke Spouse up long enough to give him his sleeping pills. I knew that once he realized what was going on, he would prove to be difficult inside the triage area. He started to try to get out of the car, but I was able to convince him to wait until I had a wheelchair for him to get around in. Again, he laid back in his seat and started snoring; meanwhile, I hurried inside to get some help and the chariot.

The nurse and the male receptionist came outside to help unload him and we got him into the facility with only a little bit of difficulty. I explained to them how the past week had been, with Spouse going downhill again so fast and how I suspected his urinary infection had returned. Lab work was done, a chest x-ray taken and his vitals were triaged. I was alarmed to learn his
blood pressure was 89/68 and his temperature had finally gotten over 100*F. It hadn't been that high, the temp, when I took it at home, but then it was hard to tell if he had the thermometer under his tongue correctly. Must remember to use the armpit in the future. He slept through the majority of the admitting process and the examinations by the nurses, lab techs and the resident doctor. The tall, young and handsome resident doctor who resembled the character on Grey's Anatomy... not George or McSteamy, but the one called Alex, I think. Yeah, that good looking. The kind of handsome that makes a fat gal gulp and shudder involuntarily.

The results from the tests started to come back from the lab and they admitted Spouse immediately. I was right about the urinary infection and he was malnourished, dehydrated and God knows what else. It was hard to remain firm in my knowledge that I'd tried everything possible to prevent the malnourishment and the dehydration, but I felt painful twinges of guilt, anyway. Even though I had been feeding him, as often as possible, he kept refusing to eat anything after a few bites. He was nearer to death this
time, than he had been on the previous two times I rushed him down there. When I heard about the malnourishment and dehydration, a nub of fear began to fester within me, fear that someone in that system would accuse me of neglecting my beloved. That nub of fear lingers, still, even with my knowing I did my part to get him to eat and drink enough. The kind nurse in the urgent care told me that the side effects of the Lactulose (explosive squirts) probably played the biggest role in that factor of his condition, which was slightly reassuring.

Soon, he was taken upstairs to a private room and we got him settled in. I remained, answering the questions asked by the floor charge nurse and spoke with the doctor on duty. It was well after 3 a.m. when I finally was able to leave, so I left my cell number wth the nurses on duty and began the long trek home. By the time I got home, ate my own breakfast, lunch and dinner for Sunday and settled my weary self into bed, it was 6 a.m., Monday morning. A pounding headache and a thousand thoughts kept me from peaceful slumber, as well as the phone ringing at 7 a.m. (friggin telemarketers!), the meter man coming to read the meter and setting the dogs off and then more phone calls until I gave in and got up at noon. A good, hot shower helped a bit, but I was so frazzled and the headache was making me ill. There's nothing like a good vomit to make such feelings seem so special. Multiplying that by 3 made it all the better.

Spouse telephoned me, with the help of a nurse at just before noon, which was why I got up. He was crying and ordering me to come down there and get him. His agitation grated on my already tormented nerves and I lied to him, saying I'd be there later. My pleas for some rest and mercy had no effect on his still clouded mind, so I told him to take a nap and I'd see him later. I hung up on Spouse and called the nurse back, explaining I had an award winning migraine and would not be coming down that day. There really was no sense in me going back down, knowing full well that he was still very sick, his judgment was impaired and the drive would probably kill me and who knew what or who else, because I would certainly fall asleep behind the wheel in my current condition. I suggested they "knock him out" and let her know I'd be down the following day.

The remainder of Monday is a bit of a blur, but I went to bed rather early and finally got some decent sleep. Tuesday, early in the day, I awoke, feeling refreshed, but nervous. This was the day I planned on speaking to a social worker and inquiring about our options on getting Spouse admitted into a nursing facility near home. I called the vet and made arrangements for Chikki and Muffin, so they would not be stuck in the house all day alone. Found the missing eyeglasses and gathered the teeth and a few other things for Spouse to take along. After dropping the dogs off at the vet, I steered the car toward Sioux Falls, once again.

The sky mimicked my emotions, threatening to burst with a storm of waterworks. Dark, ominous clouds hovered above and spittles of raindrops hit the windshield intermittenly. The air seemed as heavy as my own heart and I was glad we had tinted windows on the Toylet, so nobody could see the tears that were streaming down my cheeks. I was dreading the moment when I would be telling Spouse that something had to change or he would outlive me. My car was on the freeway for less than an hour of the three hour journey when the skys really broke loose. By then, I had no tears left and the headache had returned with a vengance.

It rained the rest of the trip, as I continued southbound to the hospital. When I parked the car in the crowded parking lot, the sun shone for a moment, while I gathered the things to take upstairs to Spouse's room. I stepped out of the car, locked the door and the torrential downpour began, once more. Ah well, at least the bad hair coloring tended to look better when my hair was wet.

When I reached the information-greeter desk in the lobby of the facility, I stopped to ask about the social worker. The volunteer looked in his greeter's manual for the extension to call and dialed someone on the phone. He handed me the reciever and a man on the other end of the line gave me the info I needed to proceed. With the slip of paper in hand, which I had scribbled the name and extension number on, I headed to the elevators, with a heavy lump of dread in my stomach.

When I reached Spouse's room, I tried to paste my best happy waitress face on. He glared at me and started a tirade about me not coming after him the previous day. He refused my kiss and started crying. My own heart was breaking, but I was angry, as well. He was blaming me for his being in the hospital again and not taking any responsibility for his own inaction that led to him needing emergency medical care again. Keeping the state of his mind and emotions, as well as the cause of them, in my own mind, I attempted to kindly inform him that my taking him down there had saved his life. I then explained that I hadn't come the previous day because I was sick, really sick and it would have been dangerous for me to have tried driving.

Soon enough, he softened and acknowledged his behaviors were selfish and childish, asking me for a kiss. We sat and chatted for a short while and then I slipped out into the hall so his nurse could remove the bedpan and clean him up. I made a mental note to put getting a bedpan for future emergencies at home. A nurse in the hall pointed me to an in-house telephone, where I could call the social worker to set up a meeting time. I left a message and returned to Spouse's room, where we talked about a lot of things, but not about my plan to research nursing home options.

The social worker appeared in his doorway about an hour later, followed by his doctor. Spouse was across the hall, in the restroom, trying to take care of some personal business so I suggested we go down the hall, so we could discuss his options without stressing him out. She led me to a conference room and asked me what had been going on at home and I told her as much as I could, while trying my best to hold back my tears. It didn't work, and soon, the makeup I'd applied earlier was decorating my cheeks, instead of my eyes. The doctor told me that their concern was that perhaps he was being over medicated with the morphine and I told them he was not taking more than what was prescribed by the VA docs. I've been wondering if the 30mg doses at 4 times a day wasn't a bit much, but felt the docs would know better than I. The doctor told me that they were decreasing his dosage because they thought he was having such a hard time recovering at home because of the morphine fog that he remained in. Well, duh, Doc! Then I told them that if he wasn't going to be able to participate in his recovery any more than he has in the past, then we were going to have to find alternative means of caring for him, in some sort of health related facility.

Damn, I felt like such a traitor for throwing him to the wolves like that, but my own survival depended upon it, I am sure. A few other doctors entered the conference room, for a pre-scheduled meeting, so I returned to Spouse's room. About an hour later, the social worker came back to his room, sitting on the edge of his bed and told him he was going to need to stay for a long time, if he wanted to live. She then told him they wanted to keep him and help him get strong enough to walk on his own again. Once they were certain he was able to walk again, he could be put back on the transplant list. Hearing this from her, he perked up a little bit and agreed to stay, asking her how long she thought it might take. She told him they want to keep him for at least a month and then they would evaluate his progress with the physical therapy and treatment.

She left the room to begin the paperwork and Spouse asked me to go buy him some bottled water. I took advantage of my time outside the hospital and went over to my grandpuppies' mom's office for a quick visit. Her own husband had recently had a serious health issue and I wanted to give her some supportive hugs. I'm lying. I needed those hugs for myself, just as badly! The grandpups were at the office and it was nice to see the boys again. They were thrilled to see Grandma Kimmi and their enthusiasm was infectious! Their "mom" and I had a lovely visit, a couple of really good hugs and I bid them farewell. Off to the store I went, gassed up the car for my trip home and then back to the hospital.

I sat in the wheelchair, next to Spouse's bed and we watched television together, until I fell asleep for about half an hour. He woke me up around 8 p.m. and we chatted a little more, until it was time for me to head home. Spouse told me about a few more things he hoped I would bring back, when I go to visit him on Friday and I kissed him goodbye until my return. He and I talked about how he might have to go into a nursing home, if he didn't work harder at getting well. He wasn't thrilled about it, but he understood my explanations about how much harder it was getting to be to lift him and be his sole nurse, cook, laundress and lawn keeper at home.

My neck was stiff from falling asleep in the chair and my body was feeling the miles of the past week and the trips to and fro. I dragged myself to the nearly empty parking lot and climbed into the car. The rain started again, just as I was exiting the hospital, making me wonder if the heavens were crying because I had failed my beloved. I rolled my window down a bit and lit another smoke for the cruise to the outer edges of the city. He was going to be okay now, as the antibiotics began doing their magic in his system and the medical staff answered his constant buzzing for them to get the bedpan or take him across the hall to the toilet.

He was going to be there for a month, while I would be able to go home and finally accomplish a few tasks which had been put off for longer than I could remember. My husband would be safe, with lots of help around if he did fall or stumble and I'd be able to finally clean the bathroom and keep it clean for longer than a day. I would be able to return the bathroom door to it's hinges. There would be an entire month for me to cleanse and replenish my soul and spirit, get the ignored chores done before winter without having to worry about him getting hurt and try to be a human being for a while, instead of the human doing that had been owning my body lately.

The freeway opened up in front of me and I headed home, enjoying the cool night air. About halfway home, the clouds disappeared and I noticed the brilliant glow of the full moon lighting the road and fields around me. The Righteous Brothers crooned "Unchained Melody" on the radio and a pleasant thought entered my head. While I had missed the lunar eclipse earlier in the day, I realized there was another eclipse that I would not miss. The total eclipse of my heart that had come from the dark pain which had been shrouding my spirit the past few weeks. was fading away. I turned up the radio, flicked my ashes out the window and enjoyed the rest of my drive home.

uhm... er... oh fuck the cat, kids! I colored my hair tonight and it looks absolutely hilarious! Used a dark auburn shade, like I've used many times before, at least, before I went to black for awhile. Now that the hair is short, I was wanting to go back to the reddish shades that I enjoy. The thing is, I hadn't realized just how much gray there is up there now. While I was waiting for the color to set, I decided to read the instructions again. There was a little blurb that I hadn't noticed earlier when I read them the first time. Something about if there's a lot of gray, then these shades of red might seem a bit extreme. Extreme. Okay. Extreme? Uh, okay? It's sooo red, that I had to laugh, long and hard. I was reminded of a post Chandra made recently. Surely, she didn't jinx my new do, did she? ;) naaaah!

Thank God for ball caps and being able to color it again in a week. Maybe I'll add a bit of brownish shade to tone down the freakin' fireball on top of my head next week! :eek::laugh: OH - no, I won't be posting pix! :p

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For those of you who were so kind and understanding about my previous post/vent - thank you all so much. I've gotten some rest and have taken some steps to simplify our lives here a bit. For example, today, I took the bathroom door off of the hinges. Now Spouse is able to wheel himself into there and get himself on the can pretty much by himself. THAT is sweet. He appreciates having a bit of independence and I appreciate the break. For those folks who had planned on visiting, don't fret. I whipped up a beautiful curtain for the bathroom door, so there is still a modicum of privacy. It's a nice home dec fabric, so it's plenty thick and there is no seeing through it. Trust me, it's going to work fine for us. :D

Tomorrow, I shall take the door off of Spouse's bedroom and do the same fabric treatment (but different fabric, of course). Ha! I just remembered we've got some winter drapes in the basement, so I'll use those! Easy peasy!!

Now, all I need to do is figure out where to stash the doors, until they can be reinstalled. Not the basement, because it's still wet down there. I gotta get back down there and get that cement floor cracked and a hole dug for the sump pump before winter. Somebody put that on the list for me, okay? :rolleyes:

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Anyhoo - I just want to thank my dear friends here, who lifted me up, in more ways than I can count when I was in such a very low spot. Your prayers, your hugs and your words of kindness and wisdom really, really, really blessed me. Thank you - thank you - thank you!!!

yes, call me :lamb: At least it's a new post! Following the traditions of others here, who meme...

1. What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now?
There's a bar of Zest for Spouse and then there's Moonlight Path body wash, a bar of Dove Lavendar & Oatmeal and a couple other body washes that are kind of generic.

2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
nope - just finished the last of it off tonight.

3. Is there anything moldy in your refrigerator?
nope - my fridge is wonderful at keeping things for a long time. I usually toss anything getting soft out for the wildlife anyways.

4. Are there any dirty dishes in your sink?
just 3 bowls, but they will be put in the dishwasher before I crash later.

5. What would you change about your living room?
the size - its way too small.

6. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
dirty - I just emptied it today & won't run it until it is full in a couple of days.

7. Do you have a can of mushrooms in your pantry?
always!!!

8. White or wheat bread?
neither - I prefer rye bread over any other type.

9. What is on top of your refrigerator?
besides the dust? 2 cooling racks, 2 platters and a package of matchbooks

10. What color is your sofa?
it's a loveseat and it is pink. the price was good & I keep it covered with "things".

11. What color or design is on your shower curtain?
it came with the house & is about due to change soon - white w/ silver swirly things on it.

12. How many plants are in your home?
14, but one of them has about 10,000 babies that need planted on it! ;)

13. How many candles are in your home?
this will sound odd, but I have so many I can't count them all. There is always a huge stash in case of another ice storm like the one we had a year or so ago. Most are stored in the basement, until we need them come winter.

14. Is your bed made right now?
I usually "kind of" make my bed, just to keep the dust off my pillows and sheets. We NEVER get company, so who cares if it gets made, right?

15. If you have a coffee pot, what color is it?
Ordinary white Mr. Coffee one on the counter, a brown espresso maker in the cupboard and a lime green Melitto up above the upper cabinets, as well as a blue & white enamel "cowboy" coffee pot. Yes, we are excessive. :p

16. Electric or standard can opener?
both, but I use the standard. Anyone wanna used electric can opener?

What happened to 17-26?
FIIK!!!

27. Comet or Soft Scrub?
both - depending on what chore needs which type of cleanser. Let's assume we are NOT discussing douche with this querie, right?

28. Is your closet organized?
more like organized chaos & I know where it all sort of is...

29. What color is the flashlight that you use the most?
mine is a little yellow and black one that is clipped to my window curtain. Spouse has one that is clear & just needs a shake to work.

30. What kinds of things are in your junk drawer?
What a stupid question... junk, of course! :rolleyes:

31. Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
Used to just use glass at home, but now have switched to plastic, so Spouse doesn't get hurt when he drops things.

32. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?
Absolutely! I don't brew it, but simply do sun tea, right in the pitcher. It's almost all I drink in the summertime!

33. If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
right now, our garage is the dog house for most of our Entlebuchers. They have doggy doors in the walls, so they can go in & out on their own, into the dog runs. I hope to get a kennel set up in the garage, so that I can park my car in there this winter! Oh & it's dusty & kind of cluttered, up where the dogs can't reach it.

34. Curtains or blinds?
That depends on which room you're in.

35. How many pillows do you sleep with?
I only sleep with one pillow under my head but must have two on the bed.

36. Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
yep - got's a night light on right over there ---->

37. How many ceiling fans are in your home?
Just one in the kitchen, but wish there were more.

38. How often do you vacuum?
very rarely, but sweep & mop every day, at least most of the rooms get the mopping every day.

39. Standard toothbrush or electric?
Soak them suckers!! Standard, when needed.

40. What color is your toothbrush?
purple.

41. Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?
As if anyone would be welcome here... muahahaha! yes, one on each porch, too!

42. What is in your oven right now?
Is there supposed to be something in there right now? Don't look at me like I bake or anything weird like that! Don't you dare!! :eek:

43. Is your microwave clean or dirty?
uhm, yeah... I was meaning to get to that today, but memes sounded far more satisfying.

44. Is there anything under your bed?
oh gawd! Please don't make the fat lady get on her knees and look! There's got to be a shoe or two, maybe a sock, plenty of bunnies and while YOU are down there, get it all out for me!

45. Chore you hate doing the most?
laundry ties with cleaning out under my bed, obviously

46. What retro items are in your home?
retro, as in what era? We've got our share of nice antiques and then there's the cool FireKing and Pyrex bowls and baking dishes I collect and lots more other "retro-ish" things. Heck, Spouse & I are both retro, for that matter!

47. Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?
yes, and it also serves as my bedroom and fabric storage room. *sighs*

48. If you have a yard, who mows it?
me & the neighbor's horse, but I do most of it.

49. Is there anything on your kitchen floor right now?
trash can, some furniture like erm, table & chairs *duh*, dishes for the kids to eat & drink out of, selective flocking that hasn't been swept up yet today, geeze - nosy little futz aren't ya?

50. How many mirrors are in your home?
two in the bathroom & one in Spouse's room. There's one in the mudroom that will eventually be hung on my closet door.

51. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home?
Excuse me, whilst I shit myself laughing...

52. What color are your walls?
living/dining room - soft, sage green
hallway - we have a hallway? :eek:
kitchen - white *and I hate it!!*
dining room - butter
bathroom - seafoamish green with white trim
bedroom (mine) - a warm mocha latte color
bedroom (Spouse)- a light & sunny leaf green


53. Which rooms in your house have wallpaper?
I don't "do" wallpaper!!!

54. Do you have a peephole in your front door?
That would kind of take away from the beauty of the bigass windows on the door, wouldn't it?

55. Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?
They kind of come with the Spouse, plus living out in the country where the weirdos like to joyride and raise a little ruckus now & then.

56. What does your home smell like right now?
clorox, lavendar and lysol - it's got that lovely nursing home kind of ambiance about it.

57. Fave candle scent?
lavendar

58. What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
kosher dills, dill slices & bread and butter chips

59. Who are in the pictures you displayed?
My daughter & son, my adorable grandson, Spouse, my mom, a dead friend, Spouse's mom, Ronald Reagan (in Spouse's room), the 3 Stooges (again, in Spouse's room), Spouse's veteran biker buddies in a cool gang's all here photo, Treasa & her twin, Etainne & a another friend of ours when they got together down in Texas... oh wait! Should I be more specific about these pix?

60. What color is your favorite bible?
It's in a velvety green book cover type case, so I forget what color it actually is. Of course, I do have a shelf of various translations, as well as other tools for studying the Bible and other religious texts.

61. Do you have plenty of cabinet space in your kitchen?
You'd think so, but those suckers are full!!

62. Ever been on your roof?
Not this one, because I don't do high places that well. Besides, if my roof needs me up there, I'd probably fall through it.

62. Do you own a stereo?
Yes - have an ass-kicking stereo. No speakers, but one terrific stereo. :confused:

63. How many tvs do you have? .
3 - one in the kitchen, Spouse's bedroom and the living room.

64. How many house phones?
4

65. Do you have a housekeeper?
I resemble that question! :p

66. What style do you decorate in?
Style? Oh honey, bring on the fashion shoot! We're going to be the next featured home in "wtf?? monthly"!

67. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints?
ha - I'm just happy with solid furniture, instead of the crates I used to sit on!!

68. Is there a smoke detector in your home?
2

68. In case of fire, what are the items you would grab if you only could make one quick trip?
Spouse, Chikki & Muffin and my purse

69. Do you know how to work your electrical box?
Nope & won't try to learn it either. Too scary for me, having had a bil who got short-circuited once.

70. What temperature in your home is most comfortable to you?
anyplace between 67 and 70 is ideal for me.

Here ya go, folks... the before & after pix of my hair, taken yesterday. I woke up this morning with bedhead. Haven't really had that problem for a few years, so it's going to take some serious getting used to! :laugh: It might be a good idea for those with weak hearts to be sitting when they see the extreme difference in my hair, btw. ;)

Before:



After:



Boy, does my neck look fat in that second picture! Actually, kids, that's all muscle from carrying around all the extra weight. It's amazing how light my head feels now. I'm going to go hop into the shower and see how long it takes to get done now that I don't have 5 pounds of hair to wash!

One more thing... remember how I was really concerned about getting struck by lightening if I cut it, because of the vow I'd made to God, years ago? We got rain last night - lots of rain - but, no lightening at all. It's been nearly two months of no rain and the downpour was a blessing for our lawn and the local crops, indeed. I guess God's okay with my needing to shed the locks. whew!

Okay folks - I have an appointment at 4:30 to get my hair cut. It'll be the first cut since Spouse & I got married. Before he came into my life, I had a chat with the God of my understanding & I mentioned that if a good man was sent into my life, then I'd give my hair to the GOMU. Soon enough, along comes Spouse, we got married & I haven't cut it since. While I truly believe that the GOMU won't strike me dead or love me any less than He already does, I have been tormented by the thought of how disappointed He will be with me, if/when I do cut my hair off.

The thing is, my hair is neato, as far as long, but it's also a huge PIA, as far as taking care of it. When I get up in the morning, I hit the ground running and usually am not able to get my own personal shower until well after midnite each day. My hair, when wet, takes at least an hour to comb all the tangles out & yes, I do use conditioner on it... lots of conditioner, but that does not eliminate tangles in hair as wavy as mine. With Spouse's health getting as bad as it is, my hair is in the way and even could be construed as dangerous at times. Imagine me being stuck because Spouse decides to walk across the room while I am trying to comb out the snags and he falls. When my hair has been hanging down, while I've worked at helping him get back up off the floor, he's grabbed it for balance *ouch!*, gotten it tangled around his arms, etc. Not good.

So - I am going to trust that my GOMY won't blast me with lightening or love me any less and He'll understand that the better sacrifice might be, at this point, to shed the locks. The question now remains... How short should I cut it? I'm thinking cut it extremely short and then I won't have to cut it again for another ten years.

What say you?

I do apologize for keeping as mum as I have these past couple of weeks. Life on the farm is (not) kind of laid back... how does that old John Denver song go anyway? Thank God I'm a country girl/boy, blah blah blah. Speaking of songs, tonight I remembered a song that Spouse & I danced to, at our wedding. It was our first dance, as man & wife, sung by the band we hired for the reception. I must say, although all of our friends were thrilled for us both, there were a few misty eyes in the bunch, as they watched my beloved lead me around the dance floor, under a beautiful canopy of stars. Our ceremony was outdoors, of course, nearly in the woods *that's where I got dressed for the ceremony*, at the home of a friend. I wore an emerald green gown that was custom made out of beautiful French brocade silky fabric. If I had a scanner, I'd show all y'all a pic, but alas, that thing died years ago and is long gone. It was the wedding of my dreams, quite fantastic, as I rode out of the woods, side-saddle style, on a horse adorned with ribbons, bows and flowers, that was led by my best guy pal, Gary (more like a bro, than just a pal, actually) to the steps of the log home, where my son waited to lead me to my waiting groom. Yeah, it was like a beautiful dream come true.

Anyhow, the song is called "At (The End) of the Rainbow" and the version I heard when Spouse & I were choosing the music for our special day, was sung by Earl Grant, back in 1958. It was someplace at the top of the charts back then & I can easily understand why. So far, I have only been able to locate the lyrics to the song and it's bumming me out big time. Here they are, for your wish-you-could-b-listening pleasure...

Treasa gets the credit for locating this beautiful video for me! It's worth the wait time for those on dial-up, imho, so I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I. Thanks, T! :loveyou:



At the end of a rainbow
You'll find a pot of gold
At the end of a story
You'll find it's all been told

But our love has a treasure
Our heart's can't always spend
And it has a story without any end

At the end of a river
The water stops it's flow
At the end of a highway
There's no place you can go

But just tell me you love me
And you are only mine
And our love will go on 'til the end of time

At the end of the rainbow
You'll find a pot of gold
At the end of a story
You'll find it's all been told

But our love has a treasure
Our heart's can't always spend
And it has a story without any end

At the end of a river
The water stops it's flow
At the end of a highway
There's no place you can go

But just tell me you love me
And you are only mine
And our love will go on
'Til the e-end of time
'Til the end of time ...

Been waaaaay too busy with basic chores and tending Spouse, who has taken another turn for the worse. Seems he gets home and is here for 2 or 3 weeks, then he crashes. WTF am I doing wrong, that he keeps yo-yoing like this? I have no clue, but it's got me perplexed. In the meantime, kids - have a go at the meme & I'll respond as quickly and often as possible... enjoy! :loveyou:

Leave a blog comment with your name ONLY

Once you do that, this is what I'll do for you...

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. (if possible!)
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
8. If you do this you MUST post this on yours. You MUST. It is written.

Also be sure to come BACK and check out what I wrote in response for you.

It's definitely one of those :hotflash: kind of days here in the NE Dakotas. Not doing much of anything that requires movement, avoiding heat rash and all that crap. Not in that good of a mood, either, but not in a bad mood. Just a mood, if that means anything. Perhaps I am still a bit stunned by the events of yesterday...

Spouse had an appointment with a GI doc down in Sioux Falls, to discuss the "mass" that was discovered recently. Wrong. This doctor was only going to discuss Spouse's case of Hepatitis C and the Hepatic Encephalopathy. When I inquired about the possibility of a liver transplant, the doctor said Spouse isn't a candidate, because he is (and I quote)"...unable to ambulate well enough to recover from that sort of surgery & pretty much too far gone." Boom - straight from the hip. The doctor spoke to me, for the most part, because Spouse was having a rough day of it yesterday, as far as his ability to communicate goes. I answered the doc's questions, wondering how often any of the medical team bothered to read his case files. Not often, would be my guess, but that is easily explained away by the VA hospital being a teaching hospital, with a staff that rotates out nearly every six months. It seems the only constant we've ever actually seen was Nurse Ratchet. Didn't see her yesterday, though, so maybe she's been transferred to a different floor. We can only hope the change, if it's true, will be good for her & the patients.

Anyhow, the doctor flat out told us that since Spouse has already done more interferon &/or infergen than probably any other human on earth, there are no more chemo treatment protocols that can be offered to him. He's not a candidate for a transplant, so that option is shot to hell. The doctor, who was a very kind man, as well as patient with my husband & very honest, was blunt in telling me that the only thing we can do now is watch his weight, keep his fluids stable *not too much or his body fluids will cause his gut to burst & not too little because the lactulose can dehydrate him* and keep him from going into a coma. Uh, okay doc.

The ride home was pleasant enough, except for the pain that Spouse was dealing with. He was quite a bit peeved that we drove 3 hours, one way, for a ten minute consult that was basically, as he put it, "signing his death certificate". I think Spouse has more time than he wants to believe, but his attitude had better perk up, if he wants to participate. As for the "mass", the doctor told me there was no "mass", but instead it must have been a shadow or something, a thickening of the colon wall, blah blah blah. So, no mass is good, if they know what they are talking about.

So, today we're taking it easy, letting our bodies heal from the 6 hours on the road. Tomorrow, I'll work on getting the water out of the basement again. We finally have a sump pump; all I have to do is figure out how to put a bigass hole in the basement floor for it and install it. Maybe I shall need to rent some sort of heavy equipment to crack the concrete, eh? oooooh! :D

And lest I forget - thank you to all of our friends here, who have been so kind as to remember Spouse in their prayers and healing thoughts. We are in your debt. Thank you, so very, very much. :loveyou:

and we're both fairly wiped out. Long day, but satisfying. It feels good to have him here again, someone to talk with in 3D. Talking to the critters only goes so far, ya know? :)

Anyhow - they *the medical team* did a BOHICA (bend over, here it comes again) tour on him yesterday, after discovering the mass on Wednesday via the cat scan or whatever that was. They weren't able to find anything on the inside view, so I'm unsure what the next step is. I did ask a nurse when I was there to pick him up and she said there would be follow-up appointments where they will figure out what to do next. Typical military crap... hurry up & wait! If I did not know better, I'd venture to guess they are hoping he might croak before they have to do anything expensive. Nah - that's just paranoid, isn't it?

So, it appears we'll be able to enjoy the 4th of July holiday (the anniversary of when he asked me to marry him!) together here at home. We'll sit on our porch and watch the fireworks displays of town and of the hunter's lodge. I'm looking forward to that. A nice peaceful holiday with everyone else blowing their fingers to bits. ;)

Night, folks... sweet dreams. :nitenite:

Snagged this from Shoegal & decided to respond before reading anyone else's confessions. Hope this doesn't come back and bite me in the arse.
Mark your confessions:

[x] I Talk a lot when I get really nervous.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I'm afraid of the dark.
[ ] I can't sleep in a room if the door is open
[ ] I can't sleep in a room if the door is closed
[ ] I am homosexual.
[x] I believe in true love.
[x] I've run away from home
[ ] I listen to political music
[ ] I collect comic books

HOW MANY SO FAR? [4]

[x] I shut others out when I'm sad.
[x] I've stayed out all night.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I watch the news
[x] I love Disney movies.
[x] I am a sucker for green eyes.
[ ] I am a sucker for brown eyes.
[ ] I am a sucker for blue eyes
[x] I dont kill bugs - Most of the time

HOW MANY SO FAR? [12]

[x] I've slipped and fell in public ooohhhh yeaaah!
[ ] I love Spam
[x] I bake well. at least I think so
[ ] I have worn pajamas to class.
[x] I want a better job
[x] Talked on a phone for 6+ hours. 2 or 3 hours tops
[x] Stayed up all night (till after 4am) on msn. insomniac here
[ ] I love Dr. Phil.
[x] I like multiple people

HOW MANY SO FAR? [18]

[x] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self-conscious.
[x] I love to laugh.
[x] I have tried alcohol
[ ] I drink alcohol on a regular basis.
[x] I have tried a cigarette
[x] I have smoked a pack in one day.
[x] I have tried a joint.
[x] I have had a threesome, or group sex.
[ ] I fantasize about having a threesome.

HOW MANY SO FAR? [26]

[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[x] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I have a lot of scars.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room
[ ] I like LOVE chocolate. like totally
[ ] I bite my nails
[ ] I am not comfortable with being me.
[x] I play computer games when I'm bored.
[x] Gotten lost in the city. happens all the time

HOW MANY SO FAR? [31]

[x] Been caught doing something illegal.
[x] Thought of suicide before
[x] Seen a shooting star.
[x] Gone out in public in my pajamas
[x] Hugged a stranger.
[x] Been in a fist fight.
[x] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of my nose more than once
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] Made out in an elevator.
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose

HOW MANY SO FAR? [41]

[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[x] Gotten stitches.
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
[x] Bitten someone
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls
[x] Gotten the chicken pox.
[x] Crashed into a car.
[ ] Crashed into a pedestrian.
[x] Been to germany

HOW MANY SO FAR? [46]

[x] Ridden in a taxi
[x] Shoplifted.
[x] Been fired.
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] Stole something from your job.
[x] Gone on a blind date. bad idea
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[x] Injected someone or yourself.
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras
[x] Been to Europe.

HOW MANY SO FAR? [54]

[ ] Slept with a co-worker, and/or employee.
[x] Been married
[x] Gotten divorced x2
[x] Saw something or someone dying
[ ] Have a list of people you want to kill, or at least hurt.
[x] Ridden in a car over 400 miles in one day
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[x] Eaten sushi.
[x] Cried in public

HOW MANY SO FAR? [61]

[ ] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed.
[x] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have.
[x] Thought of someone a lot lately.
[ ] Hate the world.
[ ] Cheated on someone.
[ ] Love dressing in drag.
[x] Have been caught having sex.
[x] Popped pills (non medical).
[x] Given a compliment to someone but you were infact lying.
[x] Eaten dog/cat food.

HOW MANY SO FAR? [67]

Ok now count up how many you have checked and repost as
"I have ... out of 100 confessions!"

You'll be soooo glad I am not including photos on this post. Went to Sioux Falls today, anticipating being able to bring my beloved home. He merely had to undergo a cat scan and a bone density test and then they would release him into my custody, er.. care. Since the bone density test wasn't until after the cat scan, at around noon, I took care of a few errands on my way down. It's always good to combine tasks and save on the gas, right? :D

Anyhow, I got down there, visited with Spouse for a bit and finally a doctor came into the room. It blows my mind that I have yet to see the same doctor there anytime I visit my husband! Sure, it's a teaching hospital and most of the docs are rotated out every six months, but for gosh's sake - you'd think I'd at least meet the same doctor more than once in a week. NO way, not there. Anyway, I digress. The doctor came in and informed Spouse that he would not be leaving yet, because a mass was discovered with the cat scan.

The mass is apparently pushing on his colon, down in the poopchute region. They will do a biopsy tomorrow or Friday morning. What happens next depends on the results of the biopsy. The doctor mentioned cancer and that if the mass were cancerous, they would remove it immediately. If it is not, then we'll just watch that sucker continue to grow and shove his colon around.

Spouse is afraid and told me as much. I really understand his fear, since his father died of colon cancer. I won't be around here much in the next day or two - but will be going down there, to be with him. If the biopsy shows it's benign, then Spouse should get to come home with me on Friday.

Man, I want a cigarette so freakin' bad right now! Ah well - just as well the stores are closed now, eh? Toodles, kids - I'll let you know when I know anything. Meantime - all the prayers & positive vibes you can send are most appreciated. tia!

:loveyou:

Thanks to Keith for giving us our galleries back! I uploaded some of my art pics, in hopes that some of you might like them as much as I enjoyed creating them. I got most of the yard mowed today, after it cooled down a bit & I'm gonna go to bed early. Enjoy the pix *I hope*!




For the sake of those who are on dial-up, I've only included 3 of my prints here. The rest can be viewed by going to my gallery and choosing the category art pix or something like that. ;)
:lurgles:

Last night, after the sun got a lot lower in the hot, summer sky, I went outside and began setting the stage for the lawnmower blade change. Took the two 8' long boards, both 2"x8" and set them on the truck toolbox *that isn't on the truck, obviously* and then pulled the mower up to the box. I decided to use the toolbox, instead of the truck tailgate, because I thought it would just be a lot safer, in the long run. Set the parking brake, once I got the mower up on the boards and laid a huge piece of cardboard down on the ground next to it. I opened the toolbox that was all of Spouse's ratchets, (reminds me of nurses now... sheesh!) wrenches and socket doohickies - whatever all that crap is called, I hauled the box out to the jobsite. Got on the ground and tried to find a thingamabob that fit the bolt. Nope - everything was too small. So, I did it, despite my sincerest attempt to fix it myself.

I played the Girly Card. Called my wonderful neighbor and asked if he could come down and just loosen the bolts for me... and could he bring a big enough tool to do the job, please? He came down, got under there and had both blades switched out in less than 20 minutes. Heck, it took longer to open the package of new blades than actually changing them took! LOL I felt awful for giving up so easily and playing the Girly Card, but he assured me that it was okay. I just don't want to be a burden on my neighbors, ya know? Don't want to take advantage of their kindnesses. They refuse any type of payment, so I'm going to have to make them a nice quilt one of these days.

Anyhow - I spoke with Spouse and he was informed that he's not coming home anytime soon. The doctor that admitted him told him he'd be going home by Sunday or Monday, but then nobody knew Spouse would take a fall while in the hospital! Yep, he fell yesterday when he went to the bathroom across the hall. He told me it was strange, in that he felt fine one second and suddenly he was unable to hold onto the walker, so he collapsed on the floor.

Now, don't take this wrong, but I'm glad he finally fell on THEIR watch! This last time he was admitted, a couple of the people who came to his room and interviewed/polled/surveyed him asked questions that made me think they are starting to suspect abuse at home. I'm not kidding, either! One came right out and asked him if he was being abused at home by anyone, not realizing I was his wife, even though I was sitting in the room with him when she surveyed him. This might sound funny, but considering our experience with the hospital staff, you can just imagine my horror when he replied with a resounding, "Yes!!" to the question! I inquired, immediately, what gave him the idea he was being abused at home by his caregiver? He then responded, "She doesn't feed me what I want." The dame laughed when he said that & I quipped back to him that he can't get his prime rib any more, because of the low protein diet he's on. Hopefully, my urging him to expand on that affirmative to the abuse question has deflected any repurcussions that might be considered. Spouse was feeling spunky enough to try to crack jokes, but I've learned that cracking jokes with the admittions team is sometimes like cracking jokes with the security folks at the airport... no hi Jack! jokes! I then told the surveyor that I was his wife and that she was in the process of communicating with a man who is currently displaying bouts of dementia. She nodded, but continued with her queries. Go figure.

So - it looks like he'll be in there a few more days, so I can get more done here. Got to mow the lawn today, so I'll try to not hit anything larger than a blade of grass. Hope you all have a great day & thanks again for all of your positive thoughts and prayers. They worked! Even if I did have to use the Girly Card. What the heck, at least my nails still look fairly nice! ;)

:lurgle:

I miss my mom a lot lately. Then I found this vid and the knife plunged even deeper, into my heart. If you have a mom, even if she's shit got for parent skills, someday, you'll miss her, too. Take a minute to send a note or give her a call and play this song for her...

I had a lovely post written up and all ready to share with you. I did a preview and then closed the window. Obviously been in the sun:hotday: a tad too much today. My back certainly feels it, too. Got that horrid patch of thistle plants cleared, however, before they went to seed. Not even a good idea to let those things bloom willy-nilly. The local farmers get a bit agitated when those weeds start taking over their crop fields. Anyhow - got 'er done and decided to treat myself to dinner out.

En route to town, I noticed a turtle in the road. I stopped and flagged down the car that was following me. The lady was very careful about driving over the turtle, without squishing him/her. The turtle, however, was none pleased by the big white chevymonster that passed overhead. I "herded" the turtle, giving it a teeny nudge with my boot, to the other side of the road, as it left a trail of turtle piss in it's wake. I hope scaring the piss out of turtles won't mess up my Karma! Honest, my intentions were kind hearted!

Got my pizza and enjoyed a root beer in town, then headed home to share the pizza bones with the kids. The nice thing about this heat, is it's too hot to eat. That ought to help me shuck some poundage. Let's hope, anyway. Spouse is getting better, little by slow, but remains in the hospital. Did not go down to visit him today or yesterday. It takes $60 for a round trip visit and we just can't handle that kind of fundage right now. I'll be heading down on either Monday or Tuesday, hopefully to bring him home.

In the meantime, I'm trying to get some much needed tasks accomplished. Tomorrow, I shall try to change the blade on the lawn mower. The manual says I'm supposed to drop the "deck" off and then change the blade, but I doubt I'd be able to reattach the deck, once I got it off. So - I'll work on the ramps and try to get the blade of my way. Cross your fingers for me, wish me luck, say a prayer... let's just keep all that positive energy going towards getting the lawn mower fixed before the lawn eats my vehicles!

That does it, kids. I'm gonna hit the shower and crash. :nitenite:

Last night, I decided to go ahead and use the mower, with the blades set at the highest possible setting, and got the worst part of the backyard butchered. After enough swings to and fro on the mower, I was able to figure out which side cut the best, so I took twice as many swipes across the lawn, in the back part of our property, but got'er done. Remember the haircut you let your older sibling give you, when you were 4 years old? Or was it a self-cut? Either way, it had to look better than my back yard does right now. :dancebun: At least now, I'll be able to use the mower when I get it fixed and not have to worry about running over little :bunnyblink: or other wild critters that hide in the tall grass.

The plan was to pick up the blade this afternoon, on our way home from the doctor appointment Spouse had in Sioux Falls. So much for our plans. Man plans, God laughs. I believe that, really, Really! Instead, I am sitting here at midnightish, having just gotten home an hour or so ago. Alone, just me, Chikki and Muffin in the house. And I'm tired. Not even looking forward to returning to Sioux Falls tomorrow.

Not tired in a sleepy sense of the word... well, maybe a little bit, seeing as Spouse woke me up an hour before the alarm went off. Still, it was so pretty out and I felt rested enough that it was okay to be up at 6:30 a.m. Today, he had a follow-up appointment with the surgeon who put the fancy bolt in his hip, back when he broke it. His appointment was with the xray team first, then he was to see the surgeon. Actually, he ended up being seen by the surgeon's assistant and was given a "clean go ahead and do whatever you want" release, in relation to his hip & that recovery. I was slightly frustrated during the appointment, because it was evident to me that Spouse was having some communication problems... as in babbling about crap that made no sense, in response to the questions posed to him by the medical staff today. And since Spouse was easily agitated today, I was walking on eggshells, but still trying to get someone to pay attention to the incoherent blathering my husband was spouting. No good. So, we got through with his appointments and all I needed to do was get the Lactulose refills from pharmacy.

I sat with the pharmacist and explained the reason why the monthly dose was already gone and could I please have one bottle to keep in the car? The bottle I keep in the car was insufficient in dosing Spouse at lunch time, so I was concerned about his ammonia levels. God works in marvelously mysterious ways. The pharmacist told me it would be about a 25 minute wait, so Spouse and I went to one of the waiting rooms on the main floor. Spouse decided he wanted to talk to a kid (still a veteran, but he was just a kid, for crepe's sake! - makes me want to cry to see the "babies" walking around the veteran's hospital all banged up and missing limbs!) about how to be his own best advocate in the VA system. I thought that was pretty cool, so I excused myself and went to find the patient advocate, to mention some previous encounters with Nurse Ratchett. I'm sure you all remember her, right?

Anyway, I found the Patient Advocate and had a lovely chat with her. She & I had been playing phone tag for the past month or so and I actually bumped into her as I was stepping off the elevator with Spouse's new walker. *remember, he fell on the new walker last month and it got all tweaked beyond usefulness and safety* The PA is a lovely woman, a very good listener and she told me she would have a discussion with Nurse Ratchett's supervisor. I stressed that I was not trying to be vindictive, but was rather, concerned that if she treated Spouse & me that way, how many other patients was she rude and cruel to? A note for the record: when my SIL was here, she took Spouse to the hospital for an appointment, and she took him to the Urgent Care to get his blood drawn, for a check on his ammonia levels. Nurse Ratchett gave my SIL some crap and my SIL told her in no uncertain terms, that it was not acceptable for her to speak to any patient or patient's family in that manner. Basically, she told that bitch to STFUP, unless she was going to speak to my Spouse & SIL in a respectful tone. Go SIL!!!

So, today, after chatting with the patient advocate, I felt much better about taking Spouse to Urgent Care. I checked on him, and went off walking around in the various areas of the ground floor to try and get another answer to a different question. I wanted someone to draw his blood, to determine whether his ammonia levels were stabilized or what? Eventually, I found myself at the Urgent Care window again (Nurse Ratchett was not in sight... yet), requesting that someone draw my husband's blood and run the tests. Once again, I found myself facing a clerk who had a difficult time understanding that I was merely following doctor's orders for Spouse. Arrrrggghhh! I am going to write a letter to a Senator or something, if those ratsucking morons won't just accept that I know wtf I'm talking about. It sucks, having to waste precious time, in order to explain that I have the durable power of attorney, as well as being the spouse and caregiver of the patient - so, given all of that, when I believe my husband's ammonia levels are fuckin' spiking, I don't want to twiddle my tits until someone finally says yes. Damn it - my husband was sick & I KNOW there was something wrong - but without the blood draw, could not prove it. The extra doses of the lactulose weren't doing the trick, fixing Spouse's mental health. It was too soon to be raising his dosage again, too.

Finally, I got through to the clerk and we were sent to the blood lab. Got the blood draw and then parked Spouse in the waiting area, again. I went to the pharmacy and picked up his lactulose, then carried it to the car. By the time I got back inside, Spouse was gone. Nowhere to be seen, so I questioned the clerk. Yes, he was being seen by a doctor (that quickly????) and the doctor was trying to convince Spouse that getting checked in for a couple of days was in his best interest. Nice doctor, but can someone please explain to me why anyone insists on having an argument with a man who is obviously unable to make any serious decisions - Spouse was arguing with the doctor about staying at the hospital. His ammonia levels were actually doing great, but his bilirubin levels were doubled & he was turning a tad Yellow. Apparently, his urinary infection returned (not that I think it was ever cured.

When he was sent home from the hospital after his hip surgery, he was given a couple of weeks of antibiotics to complete. I made sure he took every one, on time. The antibiotics were for the same thing he was hospitalized for today. I am stunned, to be honest, at how our Higher Power leads us, sometimes, and we don't even know it! If Spouse and I had simply gotten in the car, gone out for dinner and then driven home, he would have been a ver sick puppy in a matter of a few short days. Instead, for some weird reason, I was putzing around the hospital until I found myself in front of the Urgent Care reception window.

Spouse is in the hospital, in a private room across from a bathroom and they are starting a antibiotic treatment. I get to go back tomorrow, with a few things for him. The nicest thing about this... I have this amazing peace about how the day turned out. Seems like some answered prayers, if you ask me, kids. Seems that way, even if ya don't.
:loveyou: :lovehand:

Guess what?

Nope! Guess again!

heh heh

Today I was looking out my window and saw the neighbor's son walking down my driveway, leading his beautiful horse, Skip on a tether. His dad is going to be spraying their land for the weeds and I offered to let them put Skip in the :dancellama: pens for as long as they want. The son told me that they are wanting to put a couple of cattle in the horse pasture, after the weed spray is settled in, so I might just have me a horse visiting for the entire summer! I could probably ride Skip if I chose, but my track record with horses involves hospital visits and broken bones. If Spouse were healthy enough to call an ambulance, I might risk it, but not the way he is now. It will be pleasent enought to go out and give Skip carrots and pet him and give him some nice brushings now & then. Then, come winter, they will take Skip back to their place *if not sooner*, so he'll have a barn to take shelter in. Trav, the neighbor's son, then asked about my lawn mower and did some poking around under it. One bent blade is all and I can pick one up tomorrow on our way home from Spouse's doctor visit. Cool, huh? :D I gave them our old, but very nice Husqvarna industrial strength weed whacker and the huge spool of plastic line. No sense in us hanging on to something that is way too big for us to use, eh?

Another cool thing - Trav told me that his boss would probably be thrilled to finish the fencing we need done, in exchange for a place where his :lamb: can graze. Hmmmm - have someone put up the fencing we bought two years ago, then let a flock of baaabies munch down all the weeds and grass on my property for the summer and not have to worry about mowing as much yard? Should I? Uh... heck yeah! Of course, there will be portions of our yard where I would not want to let the :sheeplook: access, but we do have 11 acres, with only 2 or 3 of it being actual lawn. The thing is, with the :sheeplook: keeping the weeds down, the grass can take hold and we can get some nicer looking land, in the long run. Sweet! Then, come winter, the owner will take his flock home and I'll have a nice mowed chunk of land. This way, I'd be able to get my baaaaabies fix and not have to worry about vet bills or the cost of shearing or much of any other expenses. I'll pitch in by watering the sheep - that's a given, but I might qualify for a discount at the water company, since it would be for livestock watering.

Yep, there would be :sheeplook: pearls to contend with, but I don't mind the smell of sheepshit, oddly enough. Heck, it smells waaaay better than the movements Spouse has from his medicine! :crakmeup: I am stoked, kids - there's livestock in my pasture again. Ya, it's a rental, but he's a sweet horse and soooo pretty!

Another nice thing that I want to mention - some of you may recall a certain "fish" art piece that Minda made recently. I left a compliment on the piece and she surprised us this week. When I opened the mailbox yesterday, there was a package for Spouse! I helped him open the package, but let him see what was inside first. He was amazed and delighted to find such a beautiful gift, just for him! He loves it and I hung it on his bedroom wall, so he can enjoy it every day. Thank you, Minda, from both of us, for such an incredible gift. Thank you sooo much! Here's a photo of Spouse (yes, he is smiling! LOL) with his marvelous present! Doesn't it go really well with his fish tattoos? :)



:lurgle:

My apologies to anyone who has been wondering wtf happened to me and the remainder of my little tale *not to be confused with the not little tail I haul around on a daily basis*that followed my return from Michigan. It has been a couple of weeks since I posted it and to be honest, life has been fairly crazy since. I'll try to nutshell everything, so this doesn't get too awfully long. After all, we all know how longwinded I can get...:p

For a while I thought I would tell everything that happened, but that would take too long, not to mention sound like one helluva whinalog. Let's just try to condense it... Spouse & his sister were both really glad to see me, when I got home. All the critters seemed equally elated to see me, too. My wonderful SIL filled me in on what Spouse had done with her and how his condition seemed to deteriorate dramatically as soon as I pulled out of the driveway.

Long story shorter, he was within a day or so of needing to return to the hospital, in order to get his ammonia levels stabilized. There were a couple of days when she (SIL) had difficulty waking him up, so she was worried he was near going into a coma. I suppose it might help to add the bit of info about my dear SIL's first husband dying of the same disease that Spouse now has, so she is well aware of the sudden turns it can take. Anyhoo, that's why she called in such a panic, begging me to come home. I felt awful for her, knowing how difficult her stay must have been, once she filled me in on his condition. Without being too graffic, let's just say she was doing at least 4 or 5 loads of laundry a day, including Spouse's bedding. It got ugly for her, mostly because she didn't call me to find out where the things like disposable diapers and bedpads were kept! Spouse was no help to her either, so she was just doing the best she could, while trying to let me just have a breather. Bless her heart... if I'd known how hard it would have been for her, I would have canceled the trip.

So - she left the next day for home, since she had company due and wanted to get her house ready. I got busy trying to get Spouse stablized with his medicine, which included an increase in his dosage of the dreaded Lactulose. On the following Monday, I telephoned one of his docs and told them about Spouse's troubles and got permission to increase his Lactulose, as needed, in order to keep him out of the hospital.

When I approached Spouse with the increased dosage, things got ugly & fast. Now, I can't really remember what happened, but he became agitated and difficult to talk to. I was trying to understand what he was trying to communicate and suddenly, he turned, as if he were about to lunge at me and take a swing. WTF?? Of course, my old tapes started playing and I told him if he wanted to hit me, then he'd have a helluva time catching me, seeing as I could walk faster than he could ever try and run! I am such a bitch, sometimes. He went berserk on me with that remark & eventually told me to "get the fuck out", that he didn't need me. That hurt, bigtime, but I knew it was just his disease messing with his mind, so I sucked it all up and went outside for a breather. Everytime I went back into the house, he began his tirade about how I was just like all of his other wives, that he knew I was going to leave him at the ten year mark *he has a history of never getting past ten years with any of the previous 4 wives*, that I should go to the store and get a locking doorknob so he can't come into my room and shoot me, blah blah blah.

Now, I am not mentioning any of his aggressive behaviors so that anyone might feel sorry for me, but rather, to keep a bit of a tab on the timeline when it happened. That's one of the main reasons for my blog, after all, to help me keep track of life with Spouse and my zoo. Me, my zoo and I... ya know? Eventually, the day he went off on me like that, I got him to take his extra doses of the Lactulose and it worked for him. By evening, he was in the bathroom, making one horrible shitty mess. Yes, it was nasty, but who would ever thing I'd be so glad to see him crap all over the toilet? I was though, because that meant the ammonia that was fogging up his brain was being eliminated from his system. Within an hour of the elimination, he was napping and oblivious to how he had spoken to me earlier.

The next day, he awoke agitated and aggressive again, so I gave him another extra dose. That did it's trick, I cleaned that one up, too and things began to level out, much to my huge relief. Since my last post, that's pretty much the majority of what I've been doing... trying to get and maintain a balance of sanity for Spouse, by adjusting the doses of his ickysyrup. That and everything else. Now that he is in the wheelchair and pretty much dependant on it when we go to his doctor visits and other places, I find myself doing even more than I had before my Michigan trip.

We've also been able to talk about the prospect of moving, like we wanted to before I left, and that's just not going to happen. I dare not take Spouse out of this VA Healthcare system and risk them losing his paperwork *it's happened before when we moved* and him falling through the cracks of the system. As much as I enjoyed my visit to Michigan, and as much as Spouse wants to live nearer to his family, it's just not a wise decision to move him. So, we stay. Besides, I haven't really felt like we were supposed to move... no inner nudges like I've felt when we moved from WA to Montana, Montana to here. I do love it here and have finally recognized that we do have friends here, too. Ya, we don't go down to their house and play cards or have BBQs or anything with them, but our neighbors are friends. Friends help friends, right? Well, I have been able to count on my neighbors to help out when things have been tough here... so that makes them some pretty decent friends. Until I got back from Michigan, I had been blind to that little aspect of friendship.

So - no such thing as a short story from me, but you knew that already, right? Spouse has gotten worse, but we're dealing with it & he's going to the doctors more frequently *feel free to send gas money! :laugh: and I'm just trying to keep up with everything.

Our basement is filling up more, since the flooding disaster was declared last month. The riding lawnmower broke when I was mowing the lawn last week, so now I am finding myself having to fix it. No way to get it to Watertown and I really am a lot pissed about the asshat who fixed it last time. The mower really should be able to get more than two mowings done before the flippin' blade comes flying off again, right? grrrrr! Tomorrow, I'll be fashioning some sort of ramp, so that I can get underneath the mower and see what's wrong with the blade. Wish me luck on that.

It's got me worn out, already, kids... the chasing for Spouse - for everything he needs and wants, the housework, the yardwork, the hauling water from the basement by the buckets every day and the many trips to the docs for Spouse. It's been unwise for me to try to get online for any serious surfing/blogging until after Spouse has gone to bed for the night, so I'm lucky to be able to post a comment here and there. Long days, no naps and despite all the whining this must sound like, I realize how fortunate we are.

There are plenty of folks around us who have lost everything to floods, tornadoes and more. Spouse seems to be fairly stablized and my patience with him is getting back on track. We are able to laugh at the times when Spouse isn't quite able to track a conversation, too. He often tries to put his dentures in upside down & that's always good for a chuckle, too. Obviously, I am tired - no wonder, since it's after midnight and 7 a.m. comes way to early. I'll try to be a bit more regular with the posts, but don't wait up for me... k?

:bunnyblink:

Okay - Michigan was a whirlwind trip, complete with meeting some very cool fellow efx2 bloggers. I finally got to meet and squeeze the Moomin, our own Luke/Bitzky! Also, it was great fun to meet the ever sexy and intelligent Mr. E... trust me on this one, girls - I was sober when I met him! :dancebun: Then there was the lovely Lady Trapper & her hubby, the dashing OutLaw Wolf and my most awesome sister, Tower all meeting up at a very cool pub/brewery.


From L to R: Lady Trapper & hubby Darwin, Tower, Mr. E, me, Luke, OutLaw Wolf

The pix I took are all about the same as the others posted by folks at the Michigan MoominFest, except for the pic of this


that Lady Trapper had hiding in her purse... LOL! Did she really take it home? I dunno, because I had to leave earlier than the rest of the gatherers. All in all, the folks I met were just as I imagined them and better. Maybe someday I shall be able to visit them again & for a longer period.

The remainder of my trip to Michigan was filled with some major househunting. I must have looked at at least 50 or more homes that showed some potential, but none really screamed for me to make an offer on them. Probably a good thing, too, that I didn't begin any negotiations while in Michigan. I enjoyed visiting my sister and BIL *he's the best BIL on earth, just in case you wondered!* My SIL, who was staying here on the homefront to visit her brother, called me on Wednesday and suggested I hit the road ASAP. She was worried about Spouse's ammonia levels being too high.

So, way before I wanted to leave, I bid my dear sis and BIL farewell and hit the road on Thursday morning. It seemed odd to me, that on the trip to Michigan, I was able to drive through Chicago in less than an hour, but on the way home, that portion of the journey took nearly 4 hours! Of course, on the way to Sis's, I hit Chicago at 2:30 a.m.! Remind me to only drive through Chicago at that time of day, in the future, okay? Either that, or take a vibrator along for entertainment. :loveyou:

It's funny how I was able to get from home to Battle Creek in about 13 hours, but my trip home took long enough that I had to get a motel room for the night. Maybe that was because the sun was in my eyes for most of the trip, it was fairly windy and I didn't get enough sleep the night before. Maybe there was a part of me that wasn't ready to face what was waiting for me, once I reached my own driveway. Maybe a bit of all of the above.

As soon as I got out of my car and walked around to the rear of the vehicle, my precious SIL came hurrying out to greet me. She looked so frazzled and weary, that I immediately was concerned about Spouse. What on earth happened in the short week I was gone?

to be continued...

:lurgle: :lurgle: :lurgle:

Tomorrow - I start my :car: eastward to Michigan and hope to arrive there in time for the meeting. As long as the car, the roads and my kidneys hold up, things ought to go swell. :D My SIL got here today, I've got things pretty much laid out for her to take over the care of Spouse and all I have to do in the morning is shower, pack the car and go! I'll be gone for at least a week, so don't worry about me, if I'm kinda quiet here. Be assured I'll be making plenty of lurgling noise in Michigan! I'm gonna meet the Moomin! I'm going to meet Sallie, Mr. E, OutLaw Wolf and maybe more! I'm gonna kidnap Tower and drag her to the meeting, too. :) Oooooh! It's gonna be so freakin' fun!

You kids do try to stay out of trouble while I'm away. That, or don't get caught! :tipsheep: :crakmeup: :loveyou:

:tattle: :botie:

WARNING! STRONG LANGUAGE!................. okay, just at the end, but it's still not suitable for the little anklebiters to read. Just so's ya know, in advance....


Long story - short version.

Went to the VA hospital today, taking Spouse in to see the surgeon who repaired the broken hip. Spouse seemed kind of "ibbity ibbity ibbity" today and somewhat easily agitated, as well. When he acts like that, I'm pretty sure his ammonia levels are spiked. Picked up the brank spanking new wheelchair that is just for him, too. It's nice, not as heavy as the clunker chairs at the hospital.

We finally get finished with the doc appointment, leave the hospital and head to Jiffy Lube to get the :car: ready for my Michigan or bust road trip next week. Oil change & autotranny flush. $$ouch! Then we hit the steakhouse across the street for some dinner, before heading home. By the time Spouse is done with his dinner, I am quite alarmed, but he then orders dessert. I didn't expect him to get such a huge plate of cinnamon spiced apples topped with vanilla ice cream! He began to display problems with feeding himself, so I took over, so we could get out of there. By this time, I'm wanting to rush him , so I can get him home and get a dose of the lactulose into him. Finally, get the dessert out of the way and we're on the road.

As soon as he is in the car, he asks me what we'll have for dinner. Uhm - we just had it. Stop at Sonic drive-in for beverages for the road. Cherry limeades... yummmmy!

Get to Watertown, stop at Wallyworld & buy an a/c unit to help keep the main one from burning up like it did last year. Go home.

Get the car pulled up to the steps, so Spouse can get out of the car, and with his walker and my assistance, we'll get him inside... right? Tell him - "Stay right here, while I go unlock the door." Get the door unlocked and turn around to see him let go of his walker, as if he were trying to close the car door and watched him fall down, hard! On his broken hip. On his walker (which is now warped, but still usable. I'm wondering if he might have rebroke the hip. The doc at the hospital told us that Spouse's bones are very suseptible to breaks, (they just started him on calcium supplements, finally!), so we're to be very cautious.

Fuck! Fuck!! Oh fuckin' fuck!!! I'm going to give myself a nice 15 minutes, now that I have vented here, to feel whatever the fuck I please, then I shall resume normal programming, complete with the cheery fucking attitude I normally have.

Aw fuckit - I'm going to bed. I'll feel it and deal with it tomorrow. There will be a tomorrow, won't there?
:botie:

WARNING! STRONG LANGUAGE!................. okay, just at the end, but it's still not suitable for the little anklebiters to read. Just so's ya know, in advance....


Long story - short version.

Went to the VA hospital today, taking Spouse in to see the surgeon who repaired the broken hip. Spouse seemed kind of "ibbity ibbity ibbity" today and somewhat easily agitated, as well. When he acts like that, I'm pretty sure his ammonia levels are spiked. Picked up the brank spanking new wheelchair that is just for him, too. It's nice, not as heavy as the clunker chairs at the hospital.

We finally get finished with the doc appointment, leave the hospital and head to Jiffy Lube to get the :car: ready for my Michigan or bust road trip next week. Oil change & autotranny flush. $$ouch! Then we hit the steakhouse across the street for some dinner, before heading home. By the time Spouse is done with his dinner, I am quite alarmed, but he then orders dessert. I didn't expect him to get such a huge plate of cinnamon spiced apples topped with vanilla ice cream! He began to display problems with feeding himself, so I took over, so we could get out of there. By this time, I'm wanting to rush him , so I can get him home and get a dose of the lactulose into him. Finally, get the dessert out of the way and we're on the road.

As soon as he is in the car, he asks me what we'll have for dinner. Uhm - we just had it. Stop at Sonic drive-in for beverages for the road. Cherry limeades... yummmmy!

Get to Watertown, stop at Wallyworld & buy an a/c unit to help keep the main one from burning up like it did last year. Go home.

Get the car pulled up to the steps, so Spouse can get out of the car, and with his walker and my assistance, we'll get him inside... right? Tell him - "Stay right here, while I go unlock the door." Get the door unlocked and turn around to see him let go of his walker, as if he were trying to close the car door and watched him fall down, hard! On his broken hip. On his walker (which is now warped, but still usable. I'm wondering if he might have rebroke the hip. The doc at the hospital told us that Spouse's bones are very suseptible to breaks, (they just started him on calcium supplements, finally!), so we're to be very cautious.

Fuck! Fuck!! Oh fuckin' fuck!!! I'm going to give myself a nice 15 minutes, now that I have vented here, to feel whatever the fuck I please, then I shall resume normal programming, complete with the cheery fucking attitude I normally have.

Aw fuckit - I'm going to bed. I'll feel it and deal with it tomorrow. There will be a tomorrow, won't there?
:botie:

Ben hit me with an interview, so to make her feel better, I responded. Please bear in mind the fact that I have to wait until Spouse is in bed before I can give any blog related fun any sort of justice... hence, it's long winded and probably makes no sense at all! :tipsheep:

If you were to have a blogger party, who would you invite and what would you cook?

This is an easy question for me! Since I have eleven acres of yard, field and woods, I think a weekend campout potluck party would be appropriate. Plenty of parking for the RVs, trailers and tents and extra pens for anyone who brings their own livestock (llamas, sheep, etc.) My closest neighbor is about a mile down the road, so noise wouldn't be an issue, either. :D Any and all of my efx friends would be invited, no matter where they live on the planet (sorry - transportation is the responsibility of the guests), to come and hang out with us for a fun 4 day weekend. Hopefully, you'd show up (feel free to drag the family & Trixie along!) and my faithful subscribers, along with their families. There are a few efx-ers who aren't subscribed to me, or who have left efx for other blogworlds which I'd love to see show up, too. Folks like Betz, Cyn, Keith & Sandie... aw heck - just bring the entire community. If someone shows up that I don't like, we'll tie them up and feed them a few doses of Spouse's lactulose... which would certainly eliminate any shitty attitudes! ;) We could have our own little efx2stock!

As far as the food thing goes, I'd probably fix something different for each day - and it would depend on how many folks rsvp'd they'd be attending the efx2-SDFest. I make a pretty good spud salad, a kickass lasagna *think over 7 layers of flavor!* and some damned fine burritos. You know we're on a limited budget, so I have a lot of great recipes that would feed the masses for a decent price. I'd also make pancakes (my own from scratch recipe) for anyone who wants some on at least one of the mornings.

I'd supply the outdoor potties, of course! I would absolutely adore hosting something like this, to be honest! We'd have a campfire at night, with lots of singing and ghost stories, fun games and more. These are the type of parties I like to have, more than any other type. Far less stress, as far as making sure the house is spotless, the silver is polished and the linens are starched, let alone worrying whether my quiche is going to fall! While those sort of fancy dinner parties are nice, I would rather have the big bash, outside where folks can congregate and just kick back for a weekend of "whatever, within reason"!

It's either this type of party, or I invite the handiest bloggers I know, to help me do the minor repairs so our house will sell & we order pizza! ;p
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How did you discover blogging?

My dearest friend, Treasa, is to blame for this addiction! I met her on a quilting message board, around the time of the 9/11 attacks on the WTC in NYC. She volunteered to be a regional coordinator for a little project I had suggested that got waaaay bigger than anyone expected. Since then, she has become one of my most dearest of friends, more a sister than friend, in fact! We often joke about me being the older triplet *she has a twin sister in RL, Etainne*, because we have so much in common. Anyhoo, she introduced me to the world of blogging, specifically "MudBug", when it was a delightful place to visit. That is where I met the majority of the fine peeps I consider my friends. Because of the friendship that Treasa & I have developed over the years, I have come to learn that most of the folks I meet online are really like me - just your average (some above average, some like Angst and some who ride teeny yellow school buses) human who blogs, with no forthought or intention of malice toward any other persons.

At first, when I knew nothing about blogging, I balked at starting one up. After all, my life was so busy already, with puppies, rescuing Entles with people issues, llamas, my 3 sheep, an ailing husband, quilting and a good amount of traveling! Why & how on earth would I manage to add blogging to the mix? Right now, I cannot recall what happened to change how I looked at the idea of blogging, but I think for the most part, I realized I needed a journal of sorts, to help me keep track of things in my life. There were things going on with Spouse's health and I was feeling rather isolated, also. Since I can type a lot faster than I can write by hand, a blog seemed like a good idea. A lot has happened, mostly for good, since that initial introduction and I owe a huge debt of gratitude to my friend Treasa for leading me to the wonderful world of blogging. :loveyou:
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What is your philosophy on life?

This is a tough question for me, mostly because I have never truly given the subject that much energy or thought. Hell, I didn't really understand what philosphy is, to be honest... just knew it was something Socrates and Plato did, right? That said, here goes my feeble attempt in expressing my own philosophy on life - feel free to sleep through this class. ;)

Hmmm... for starters, it might be important for the reader to understand that I am a recovering alcoholic, with 15 years clean & sober, by the grace of the God of my understanding. Most of my friends know that I try to be more spiritual than religious, because I've learned that religion is for folks who are afraid of hell... spirituality is for those of us who have already been there and back. It's not in my nature to force my sobriety or spirituality on anyone else, but I've learned that in order for me to be of better service to my fellow (wo)man, it is okay for me to establish personal boundaries to protect my sobriety. Other folks can drink all they want - no probs with that. Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. But, if they want some of what I have... the serenity, the spirituality, waking up without a hangover, all they have to do is ask & I'll be delighted to share my source of strength, my hopes and my experiences. *climbs off the sobriety soapbox*

My basic philosophy on life is as follows:

Give back more than you've been granted. Try to bless 3 people each day, whether they need it or not. Practice random acts of kindness whenever possible. Clean up after yourself, every where you go. Take advantage of every opportunity to get baby/puppy/kitten/llama kisses. Choose your battles wisely. Always be nice to old people and children! If someone offers a hug, accept it gracefully and gratefully. No matter how rich or poor, I am no better than anyone else on this planet. Try to learn the lesson on the first go 'round & grow from it. Love is harder than any other action, but is, by far, the most rewarding. Boundaries are what healthy people maintain! Live - Love - Laugh - Lurgle!
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What are the top three things people should know before buying a llama?

:llamaeyes: require committment and are hard work to maintain. As lovely as they are shown in pictures on the internet, someone had to work very hard to get the fiber (hair) to look all shiney and flowing! Llamas are not natural beauties, for the most part! All of the work is worth it, however, as the attention you give your llama is nothing compared to the love they will give back to you.

#1. Be prepared to give the llamas monthly medicines (deworming, vaccinations, etc), trim their hooves regularly and shear them at least once a year. They will require frequent brushing, in order for their fiber to be ready for the show circuit.
#2. Llamas can and will spit, but prefer to avoid it, because it tastes horrid! If a llama spits on you, it is either because you are a moron & they can tell, you are a mean a-holio & they can tell, or you've just violated one of their boundaries.:llamaspit:
#3. Llamas do not like to be petted like dogs & cats like it. In fact, they do not like to have their head, ears, or legs touched at all. If you touch their legs, be prepared to get your ass kicked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What makes you laugh?

There are a lot of things that make me laugh: my husband knows how to make me laugh and does quite often. Animals that do silly things make me laugh. A good, decent joke (as long as it is not racist or demeaning toward the less fortunate) - Patty Lincoln's blog always makes me laugh, when she posts the funny stuff she shares. Quite a few of my efx2 friends know how to make me laugh, although they may be unaware of the fact. Bloggers like Ben, KoA, PD - just to name a few, frequently make me laugh. My life, in general, makes me laugh... but that might be attributed to a tich of insanity that runs in my DNA. I like laughing - there is much healing in laughter, so it's been said. I hope people will be laughing at my funeral - and how I'd love to be able to pull a good practical joke on the mourner(s) that show up for the memorial service. How about tissues for those who feel an urge to weep, except the tissues, when wetted, will turn to different colors that shall temporarily stain the faces of those crying. Yea, that would be fun... a harmless bit of color on the faces of everyone who shows up and starts bawling... how long do you think folks would be crying, once they see all the pretty clown faces, eh? Okay, I have a warped sense of humor, but it's kept me alive this long, so I'm comfy with it! :)

Well - I hope this satisfactorily answers your interview questions, Ben. Sorry it took me so long to get to it, but Spouse is home & he keeps me hopping! :D

:car: Whooohooo! Heading down to the hospital today, to bring my honey home! In the meantime, here's a few things to make you chuckle... enjoy!:tattle: :dancebun:



You smiling yet?


For kitty lovers...


I'll try to get caught up in the next couple of days, kids... meanwhile - have a grand week!

Okay - so I have been quiet lately. No reason, other than my back has been aching from the trips to & fro the Sioux Falls VA hospital. That's a 2.5 hour drive down and back each day that I visit my love. He's worth it, but the trip takes a toll on my back. So - gonna give it a go to nutshell what's the latest:

The egg coloring was fun. Not all of the vets were interested in coloring the eggs, but the ones who did, had a great time. I was able to get to know some of the vets a bit better, too. There's Stan, who wanted to color all of the eggs and the rest of the guys be damned! Stan also loves his coffee, being quite willing to talk anyone into a life of crime if the java must be stolen from another ward, in order to make a fresh pot. Funny guy, that Stan. Then there is Vernon, who decided the best thing to do with the eggs, instead of coloring them, would be to divide the 3 dozen eggs between the guys and let them have a fun little food fight. I think I like Vernon's spunk. One of the nurses, from another floor, heard we were coloring eggs and her daughter was there visiting with dad. We invited the little girl to color a few eggs and that gave the majority of the veterans a real thrill, more than getting to color them, themselves. It was a fun day, all in all. The nurses told me that no one has ever done anything like that and they said they appreciated my endeavors to bring a bit of fun to the vets. I think it was more fun for me, than anyone else, if the truth be told.

On the 12th, I "celebrated" my fifteenth year of being clean and sober, by the grace of the God of my understanding. Took myself out for a sandwich and salad. whooopie. That night, just a wee bit after midnight, my front tooth chipped off. Just the front part, on the corner, but still, the sharp edges of the broken area were irritating my inner lip. The next morning, I used a fingernail file and made the broken area much smoother. Spent the remainder of Friday the 13th avoiding everything, as much as possible, just to stay safe. :llamaspit:

In the past few days, I have been trying to expend more energy :dancellama: taking walks and working out with my exercise videos. When I got home from my long 2 mile walk, yesterday, I discovered 2 ticks crawling on my skin/shirt. :tiggeryuck: I've had the creepywillies since and now am hesitant to go outside for any longer than I must. If Spouse was here, to check my back and hair for ticks, I wouldn't be so squeamish about going out. Around here, the ticks are virtually blowing in the wind, so it does not matter if I treat my lawn or not - they could land on me from being carried in the wind! Weird, huh? Anyway - now I have to figure out how to burn the calories here, in the comfort and safety of the little house on the prairies, while avoiding the ugly buglies!

As much as I've wanted to stay caught up on reading others' blogs, my back has been screaming at me a lot lately. No big surprise, but because of that, I've not been able to stand sitting too long. It's been draining too, on the energy level.

Tonight, I spoke with Spouse, part of my daily routine since he's been down in the hospital. It has been over a month since he finally went in and he'd been trying to tell the staff that his back was hurting him, as well as his hip. Finally, someone ordered an xray of his back and they discovered he has a broken back! Apparently, two of his vertebrae have been crushed recently, so they will now begin treating him for that ailment. The doc did say there isn't any arthritis on the broken bones, so that is good.

I am totally appalled that he would be in the hospital for over a freakin' month and they are only just NOW discovering his back is injured! Shithead doctors! This latest may mean that my trip to Michigan may need to be postponed or canceled. I won't be leaving if Spouse isn't home from the hospital, because I won't leave my dear SIL to tend our dogs while he's not here. No way I'd do that to her.

Oh yea, - I think I'm kind of depressed right now, too. Big deal? Nope, but it makes it difficult for me to concentrate on all those stories that are wanting to be written. I'll get over it... eventually. At least I'm not hitting the ice cream because of it...

When I see someone has left a shout in my shoutbox, I usually will pop over to their blog to say hi or thanks or nice ass or whatever & I did just that today. The blogger who left the shout was our talented artist, Joe *the artist* Hagarty. When I got to his blog, which wasn't here (that was a surprise to me) but over at another blogging community, I read that he has a son in the military. Reading that info led me to another link on his blog, which took me to AdoptaPlatoon.org. While I cannot say I support the war 100%, I do remember what led us to get involved in this war & I most certainly support our troops who are doing their jobs over there. Yes, Spouse and I cannot truly afford to adopt a troop (I thought they were called soldiers, but apparently was misinformed), but I can write a letter once a week to someone who is stuck in a foreign country & probably scared to death, if the truth be told.

Tonight I applied to be a Pen-pal supporter and hope they will approve me. Since I enjoy writing, as long as I have a keyboard to gitter done, then I am pretty sure I can stick to a committment like this. Because it appears our country isn't going to be withdrawing from the war any time in the near future, there are still troops being shipped over. If any of you would like to take a few minutes each week to brighten someone else's life, maybe this would be an excellent venue for you to investigate. You don't have to support the war, it doesn't matter if you are a DemocRat or a Repug or Independent, it doesn't matter if you are a good speller or not - these kids (they are for the most part, just young kids over there) could use a nice letter once a week from someone who appreciates their service to our country - the things they do so that we can appreciate the freedoms we enjoy on a daily basis. Today I was able to bake a double batch of peanut butter cookies, clean my .38 Smith & Wesson, and bitch about the prices of gasoline. It's because of the troops' service, that I am free to do those things. And all they'd like in return is a little letter... you do the math, folks.

*steps down off of PSA soapbox*

Yes I am a sheep, I am doing another quiz that a bunch of people have done.

I am so sheep, in fact, I didn't even bother to delete the above sentence that was above Engie's quiz, which is where I stole this...


Reactions

1. Beer: Blech!
2. Anorexic: Sad self-image.
3. Relationships: good ones are worth the work
4. Your Last Ex: wears women's lingerie and looks like a man in in a lady's bra
5. Power Rangers: lame
6. Pot: Dave
7. The President: has a job.
8. Cars: Talking Heads. Joan Jett. Tom Petty.
9. Gas Prices: Evil oil companies related to Satan
10. Halloween: Candy!!!
11. Bon Jovi: Jon!! Generous man.
12. Ice Cube: Law & Order: SVU
13. MySpace: spudspace
14. Worst fear: losing Spouse
15. Marriage: is a great thing, with the right person
16. Paris Hilton: what a nasty bore
17. Brunettes: That's me!
18. Redheads: Been there... done that!
19: Politics: are dull.
20: Pass the time: sewing, tv, internet surfing
21. One night stands: chewed up hearts
22: Cell Phone: trac fone
23: Pixie Stix: yummy!
24: Vanilla Ice cream: yummy!
25: Port a Potties: eyeeew, but necessary sometimes
26: High school: hell on earth, with hormones gone awry
27. Pajamas: flannel
28. Wood: woodstove :D
29. Wet Socks: stink
30. Alcohol: allergic
31. The word you HATE: the "n" word & I don't mean NO.
32. Your best friend: Tower (plus all the best friends who I'm NOT related to!)
33. Money: fixed & budgeted...Note to self: check lottery tickets!
34. Heartache: my children
35. Love: Spouse, Sis, kids, the critters
36. Time: too fast now
37. Divorce: Not an option!

It’s been many years since the conception of our relationship, but I recall our first meeting with precise clarity. Not that I had not been watching her, from a deep distance, prior to our first encounter. It just was not time to make myself known, not yet. Soon enough, the reasons for me to enter the scene would be established. Soon enough, so in the beginning, I hid and watched her closely. She was barely three years old, auburn waves that gave her hair a constant tousled appearance and bright green eyes that flashed with enthusiasm when she was excited. Some of her antics made me laugh, even now, when I remember them. There was the time she gathered all of her playmates and marched them all into the house, into the bathroom where her very pregnant mother was trying to relax in a hot bath. Ignoring her mother’s protests and orders to exit the steamy bathroom, she proceeded to explain to her friends that there was a baby in her mommy’s tummy and that stork nonsense was just silly. Yes, she was a tad precocious, but very bright for her age.

Then there was the nice neighbor lady, who kept a dish of cookies outside on her back porch. It was easy to watch the kind, elderly woman fill the dish from the steps off her own pack porch. She sat and watched the elderly neighbor ritually fill the dish each morning, so one day decided to go see what was being put in the dish. Oh! Cookies! For the next few days, I watched as she sneaked over to the neighbor’s porch and stole the cookies. One day, however, she got caught, with her hand in the cookie bowl. Of course, I would never betray her, not over a few little tidbits of food. No, betrayal was not in my job description. It was the neighbor, who had been peeking through the curtain on her back door, who nabbed the child. It still makes me giggle; when I remember her mother laughing and trying to explain to the irate neighbor how her daughter was, indeed, well fed at home and probably stealing the doggy biscuits because she thought they were cookies. They did resemble Oreos, after all! It is funnier yet, to realize she doesn’t eat Oreos today, because of that experience.

Other times, my heart just ached for her, because it was still too early for my appearance. How I wanted to come out of hiding and console the sweet child, as she sobbed in pain from a badly scraped throat. She had watched the sword swallowing act on the Ed Sullivan Show the night before and decided to show her friends how to do it. Instead of a sword, she used a baton, after removing the rubber tip on one end. The baton didn’t go down too far, but one of the older boys decided to push it a bit further. That was when the damage was done, when her throat was scraped raw from the sharp edges of the baton’s end. I watched, in horror, as she quickly yanked the baton from her throat and the blood splattered everywhere. Seeing her own blood frightened her, as well as the other children watching her “swallow the sword”. Panic ensued and the children ran, screaming, for the safety of their own mothers’ arms. Everyone, that is, except her. She stopped her own screaming, firstly because it hurt to scream, cry or talk. She, also, stopped the screaming because she noticed something on the end of the baton she had so quickly removed. Mixed in the blood was a tiny fragment of tissue, a piece of herself caught her attention. She realized this tissue had not been there before the baton hurt her throat. Somehow, she made the connection between the pain and the tiny bit from her throat and understood that the tissue was part of her. So, she did what any intelligent toddler would do. She picked it off the baton and returned it to her throat.

There were other times she nearly drew me from the confines of my hiding place, prematurely. The time she was playing hide-and-seek with the neighborhood children and she hid in the abandoned refrigerator that was behind someone’s house. This was the old type of fridge that had claimed the lives of so many children, back then. She climbed in, shut the door behind her and crouched to wait for someone to find her. I sat, quietly, as she waited and waited, but nobody came to find her. She could hear the children yelling for her, her mother’s panicking voice calling out her name. How long had she been hiding in the refrigerator? She finally began to pound on the inside of the door, hoping someone would be nearby enough to hear her frantic cries for help. It was getting hard to breathe in there and she was beginning to not feel so well. It seemed none of the people trying to find her could hear her making the commotion inside her self-inflicted tomb. She was having more difficulty breathing and she was getting tired, very tired. I knew there was little I could do to help, from where I was hiding. The handle on the outside of the door was beyond my reach and I was helpless to help her. My voice joined hers, but it was as weak as her, from crying. She gave up and slumped down on the floor of the ancient box, giving the door one last kick, for good measure. Suddenly, the fridge filled with daylight, as her mother pulled hard on the handle! Seeing the shock on her mother’s face made her begin to cry, and she threw her arms around Mommy’s neck tightly. Oh, how wonderful the air tasted, how sweet her mommy smelled, how she hated that nasty old icebox that kept her prisoner and ruined her fun game!


Soon after the incident with the refrigerator, my time to join the child came nigh. It was a pleasant day, complete with the white fluffy cloud-littered blue sky and scented breezes flowing in the air. It must have been summer, I think, because this was the first time I actually realized lilacs smelled so absolutely wonderful. Wichita, Kansas was a lovely place to be born back then, an even lovelier place to raise a family. Her parents were fairly typical, Dad in the military and Mom was a waitress, between pregnancies. She had an older sister and her mom was pregnant again, with a huge tummy to prove it.

She was sitting on some cement steps that led from the sidewalk of the house to the sidewalk that ran along the street. Only a few short steps, but she had mastered them and learned quickly to never venture past the steps, or into the street. Yes, she was a very good little girl, obedient and good natured, as well. Her father, who had been absent for quite some time, had just returned to the home and was reacquainting himself with his wife and two daughters. She really did not know who the man was, but she thought he was handsome and fell in love with his smile. That same smile must have won her mother’s heart, for it was obvious her mother was enraptured with this charming man who called her “Darling”. The little girl thought it was strange that these two called each other by names other than she had known, so she tried using the names. Instead of using Mommy or Mother, she asked her mom a question and used her mom’s given name. Instantly, the man who had smiled at her and said sweet things to her flew into a dark rage, slapping her sharply across the cheek. She was confused and asked him, using the name her mother had called him earlier, what she had done wrong? It was the first time she ever felt such anger directed toward her and she was so frightened of the man. Her use of his name only enraged him further and he bent over her, with his hand gripping her tiny arm, slapping her face again and again. She looked at her mother, who had retreated out of reach of the angry man, sobbing and begging her mommy to rescue her. Mommy looked away, her eyes displaying fear of the man who was hitting her daughter. The fury in his eyes told her he would kill her one day, if she was not very careful about what she said to him. To this day, she can still hear his voice screaming at her, “You will call her Mommy!” “You will never call her by her name, do you hear me?”

This is when I stepped in and took her place. When his beatings reached the point she might faint, I came in and dealt with him. It was me who showed her how to soothe him from his rage, how to squeak promises that placated him. It was me who kept her alive, when he would have killed her, every time. I am the one who became proficient at maintaining a handy, steady stream of lies that quieted him until the next fit of rage. The times that he touched her, in those secret places, the times he aimed his gun at her head while she lay in his bed, the times he punished her for crimes her sisters committed. . . I was there, for her. There for her, I remained, for years, to help her see light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. To help her have hope for a better tomorrow, I stuck around. During the times she felt like surrendering, I stopped the blade from going deeper. I slowed the car, before the curb.

When she was very, very young, a huge portion of being a child was stripped away from her. While she certainly had opportunities to play, there were so many moments of abject terror to face, that she began to call upon me for help. Imagine a world, where so many people feel the need to nurture their “inner child”. Imagine her world, beginning when she was nearly three years old, where she threw herself at the mercy of her “inner adult”. That’s me, you know. I am her “inner adult” and I’m still here, for her, if and when she needs me.

My bar tab is $755.

Copied this one from Miss Minda. I was surprised how high my tab is. LOL

Like to hear it? Here it goes!

Body: This is fun to do. Just read the "offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each "offense" and added up your total fine. Title your blog "My Bar Tab is$........" You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

Smoked pot -- $10

Did acid -- $5

Ever had sex at church -- $25

Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you-- $40

Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25

Had sex for money -- $100

Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $20

Vandalized something -- $20

Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10

Beat up someone -- $20

Been jumped -- $10

Crossed dressed -- $10

Given money to stripper -- $25

Been in love with a stripper -- $20

Kissed some one who's name you didn't know --$10

Hit on some one of the same sex while at work-- $15

Ever drive drunk -- $20

Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50

Used toys while having sex -- $30

Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20

Went skinny dipping -- $5

Had sex in a pool -- $20

Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10

Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20

Cheated on your significant other -- $10

Masturbated -- $10

Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$20

Done oral -- $5

Got oral -- $5

Done / got oral in a car while it was moving-- $25

Stole something -- $10

Had sex with someone in jail -- $25

Made a nasty home video -- $15

Had a threesome -- $50

Had sex in the wild -- $20

Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25

Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20

Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20

Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25

Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50

Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25

Went streaking -- $5

Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15

Been arrested -- $5

Spent time in jail -- $15

Peed in the pool -- $5

Played spin the bottle -- $5

Done something you regret -- $20

Had sex with your best friend >-- $20

Had sex with someone you work with at work --$25

Had anal sex -- $80

Lied to your mate -- $5

Lied to your mate about the sex being good --$25

Tally it up and post as..."My bar tab is....."

:lurgle: :lurgle:

Okay, you know how sometimes you can have just a series of totally shitfilled days, and suddenly something totally cool happens to make all the bad stuff disappear? That was my past week or so. You all know about Spouse slipping on the ice in the driveway, the 5 days of me struggling to keep him comfortable and talked into a trip to the docs and his eventual surgery on the broken hip. You've likely heard about how tired I was, how my back felt like snapping would bring comfort (because I'd finally be paralyzed from the waist down) and all the blah, blah, blah I could muster for poor pitiful me. By Tuesday evening, let me tell you, food tasted horrid and I was so frazzled, it was all I could do to sleep. Little did I know the next morning would bring me such a terrific surprise. . .

Tuesday, I'd taken Chikki and Muffin to the vet's to be boarded so I could spend the night in Sioux Falls with Spouse. He'd had his surgery and I wanted to be there when he woke up. Initially, I planned on just sitting up in the waiting room all night, but there was an elderly woman there, whose husband was in serious condition. She was sweet, but terribly hard of hearing. She and I chatted a bit, between visiting our husbands in the ICU unit, where they were being treated & recovering. Her ability to hear, however, made the conversation a bit tiresome, mostly because I was not interested in repeating anything about why Spouse was in the ICU in a loud voice! Bless her heart, I could tell she was distraught, so I wanted to mostly just listen, rather than shout out our woes in the waiting room. Soon, her son arrived, so I excused myself to go find a motel room for the night. I checked a phone book and found suitable lodging at a nearby Motel 6.

Within minutes, I had a room registered in my name, my overnight bag setting on the bed and I was back at the hospital to visit Spouse again. They only allow 10 minute visits in the ICU, per hour, so I had plenty of time to get to the room and back. Spouse and I visited a couple of times, but then it was obvious he would want to try sleeping for the night. With a few kisses planted on his sweet lips, I was away with myself back to the motel. A shoddy excuse for baked cod served as my supper at the restaurant next door to the motel, then a bit of television to help me nod off. Not very good at that, but I did try to sleep.

So, feeling slightly better the next morning, I cleaned up, loaded my stuff in the car and headed off to get the oil changed, before I did anything else. It's all timing anyway, right? ;) So, after a really decent cup of coffee at the JiffyLube shop, I was on my way to the Panera Bread Co. They have such decadent baked goods and delish urns of coffee, an establishment where Spouse and I often go when in SF together. He loves their bakery goods! I ordered a yummy spinach & bacon quice tart and a large coffee, as well as a treat for one of the volunteers who always manages to cheer me up when I visit the VA with Spouse. She's an angel, a true angel!

Anyhow, with my order in hand, I'm standing at the self serve coffee urns and adding the yummy raw sugar to my large cup of joe to go. A really good looking fellow walks up to the coffee area, talking on his cell phone, and begins to doctor his own cup of coffee. I looked, because he smelled really good and noticed how incredibly similar, familiar his profile was! Daring to risk being scoffed or sneared at, I interrupted his conversation, with this statement,"Excuse me, but has anyone ever told you how much you look exactly like Tom Selleck, but waaaaay cuter?"

Imagine my buttery knees when the gentleman stood upright, all 6'4" of himself and looked directly into my greens with his beautiful blues and replied to my comment, "I loooooove you!", then walked away. Are you sitting down? It was Tom Selleck - the gorgeous hunk himself - who stated he loves me. The man had the voice, the eyes, the height and chiseled gorgeous looks and the mustache. If that was not Tom Selleck, then this isn't efx2 and Benthere doesn't sugar muffs for a living. I was so shocked and embarrassed for my stupid comment that I didn't even think about trying to get a photo of us together. Besides, he appeared to be having a business conversation on the phone. It was rude of me to interrupt him once, already, so I didn't want to assume it would be okay to interrupt twice.

The remainder of my day was splendid and it appears my string of bad funk days are gone. I think I was just at a snapping point because of Spouse's injury, dealing with him at home while hurt and all that other stress. Today I slept most of the day and might do that again tomorrow... between the chores I choose to do. Spouse is feeling lots better, is now out of ICU and in a room that is far more comfortable. He's already been to physical therapy twice and has been walking around in his room. I am so proud of him and am so happy he finally went in. This is all such a tremendous relief for me.

Yup - I'm feeling much better after my rest today, hearing that Spouse is doing so well and Tom Selleck loves me. Yeah, life is really, really freakin' good sometimes. :lurgle:

Guess what? Today, after being subjected to the past 5 days of Spouse refusing to go in to have his hip xrayed, he finally relented. So, I got him dressed and then undressed because he told me it was Party, er potty time and then dressed again. Called the great boys at the ambulance and they assisted me in getting him into the car. Mind you, Spouse waffled this morning about going, until I started calling everyone I knew that would join me in the "get yer ass to the docs" song. Finally, his wise and wonderful BIL said something profound that got through to my darling husband. He said, "Ya know, don't you Al, that these women are not going to shut up until you go in and get it checked. Ya might as well go in, just to prove them all stupid and then you can gloat for weeks!" I love this BIL! :loveyou:

It was around 4pm, or was it 3 pm (I hate that time change thing - it soo messes me up for a week or two!) when I managed to pull up to the front doors of the VA in Sioux Falls. I got a wheelchair and maneuvered Spouse into it, then wheeled him into the foyer. After parking the car, I hustled my rear back into the hospital to catch up with Spouse, who was already heading for the Urgent Care department. I took over the wheelchair and we approached the reception window. As we got closer, who did I see sitting behind the receptionist, but our old friend, Nurse Ratchett! Who did I see just roll her eyes as she saw us coming toward the Urgent Care? Tell me she didn't. Please! Someone tell me that bitch did not just roll her eyes when she saw us coming in her direction! Motherfreaker! The bitch did!

I let that slide, especially when she greeted us with her syrupy, "What can we do for you folks today?", thinking perhaps I'd been mistaken. Since Spouse was coherent, I let him do the talking and stood quietly at his side. The nurse asked us to run over to radiology, so we could get the hip xrayed before they left for the night. Good timing! That done, I rolled Spouse back to the UC dept. and Nurse Ratchett directed me to bring Spouse back for the triage. She took his blood pressure and asked him to stand on the scales. I told her he wasn't going to do that, because I thought his hip was broken. She then, quite matter of factly, stated that it was impossible for him to be sitting in the wheelchair like he was if his hip was broken. So, according to her, no way it was broken. She said it was probably just a bruise. Yeah, I guess she's the one with more educamation, so she'd know these things. . .

With the triage competed to her satisfaction, we were instructed to go back out into the waiting room and, of course, wait. Eventually, like 3 hours later, a doctor read Spouse's xrays and determined he did indeed have a broken hip. You know where the ball part of your hip sits in a socket? Right below the ball part of his hip, there is a fracture that goes nearly completely across, nearly shearing the entire ball of his hip off! Luckily, everything is still in place, except for the fact that when Spouse hit the ground, he must have also dislocated his hip from the socket a wee bit. The man sure knows how to do it. They kept him and he'll be having surgery tomorrow, sometime.

Now I am angry at myself for not forcing him to go when he first fell. Angrier still at him for being such a jerk about going in to have it checked. And as for Nurse Ratchett... that bitch has dissed us 3 times. Now really is not a good time for anyone who works at the VA to provide less them exemplary service. The local television news stations are clammoring for a juicy story about inept VA care. I wonder if I should mention a certain nurse with a sad attitude? It's really such a shame she has pissed me off, because the rest of the folks down there have been very kind and very respectful of my husband. Okay - so maybe I won't ask to see her head roll, but instead just ask to see it dangle off her neck awhile.

It's been a long day & tomorrow I'll be heading out ASAP, so I can be there when he's in surgery. Prayers, good thoughts and healing vibes, please, my wonderful friends. I'll get back in touch as often as I can. Niters, all!
:loveyou: :nitenite:

:needlenurse: I am not. Not a good one, at least. Today is/was Spouse's birthday. For the most part, it was a great day for him. The album he'd been wanting that was sooo freaking expensive & only two copies of on the planet... well, I found a third copy & it was way in our budget. The Muddy Waters LP that Spouse has been hankering for arrived in yesterday's mail, just in time. Good job, wife! :loveyou:

He got phone calls from friends and family, which made him happy. He was able to stay fairly coherant during the chats, too. Very cool for him & those who called. One of his sisters noticed he seemed a bit "foggy", so she chatted with me for a bit afterward. It was nice to yak with her again, this sister-in-law who met me when I drove down to meet my grandson. I like this SIL very much, as well as the other one, the one who lives up in Michigan. It just seems I am able to talk to her easier, the SIL from Texas. She's been through her own gaunlet of health issues surrounding her wonderful hubby, so she doesn't tend to panic when I fill her in on how her brother is doing.

So - it was decided early enough in the day that Spouse wanted to go out for dinner, to celebrate his birthday. When it came time for us to actually leave, however, he said that it might be a better idea for him to stay home. We were all completely dressed, including our winter coats, hats & the whole shebang. I called him silly, told him I would be sure to help him remember to keep his teeth in at the nice restaurant, then hustled him out the door. I turned, for just a few minutes, to lock the door. The dogs began barking and creating a ruckus, so I turned to hush them. That's when I saw him. . . well, at least his legs, at first. Spouse had fallen and the dogs were trying to let me know.

I dashed as quickly down the snow packed path to him and began to help him get up. That is never an easy task, because he weighs so much and my lower back is shot. It went "out" long ago, one of those times I'd had to help Spouse get up after falling in the house & has never "gone" back in. That's a different post, however, and today's post is about Spouse & how we did his birthday. Eventually, I did manage to get him up off of the ground and hanging onto the car, with the driver's door open, so he was able to stay partially warm.

Once again, I phoned our terrific neighbor and asked if he could help me get Spouse into the house. What I really wanted to do was take Spouse to the hospital for an xray on his hip, which he said was hurting, but only when he tried to put weight on his right leg. *sigh* When I approached that topic, Spouse exploded with some colorful language and refused to go. Hence, my good neighbor helped me get him back up the pathway, up the steps and into the house. What a good and kind man our neighbor is. We are so fortunate to be so blessed with great neighbors.

We got Spouse into the house and I suggested we have him sit on the seat of his walker/stroller thingy. It's basically one of those cooler walkers with a seat and a basket. Makes it nice when Spouse gets tired, because he can sit and rest. So, with him finally situated in his walker seat, the neighbor left, already late now to pick up his daughter at school. Bless her heart - hope she didn't chew out her dad too badly.

I then headed into town and grabbed a dinner to go for Spouse. Chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and some sort of nasty vegetable mix. I was mad - at him, at myself and just because. Mad at myself for pressuring him to go out, when he decided he'd rather stay home. Mad at him for not waiting for me to lock the door and help him out to the car. Mad because the earlier part of the day was going so darned well. Mad because I didn't get his birthday cake baked.

Tomorrow morning, we'll see how he is feeling and whether it will be a good idea to go get his hip xrayed. For now, I'm going to check a few emails and hit the sack. It may be a very long night. Sweet dreams kids. And honey - Happy Birthday. . . sorry 'bout that.

For a few seconds there, I considered just posting Ben's answer's, just for fun... but then again, I didn't wanna pizz her off! ;) Obviously, I swiped this cute meme from her - enjoy or whatever. Just clean up after yourself, please.


The Name game meme...

YOUR REAL NAME:Kimmi

YOUR GANGSTA NAME (1st 4 letters plus izzle): Kimmizzle *why do I feel like breaking out in that LaVerne & Shirley theme song now?*

YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (fave color + fave animal): Periwinkle Llama

YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name + childhood street): Kim Church Hill

YOUR STAR WARS NAME (last 3 letters of your last name + first 2 letters of your first name + first 3 letters of Mom's maiden name): TayKaCar *beats walking, eh?*

YOUR SUPER HERO NAME (2nd fave color + fave drink): Purple Diet Pepsi *uh, yeah, the entire planet feels a lot safer now. . . right?*

YOUR IRAQI NAME (2nd letter of your first name + 3rd letter of your last name + any letter of your middle name + 2nd letter of your Mom's maiden name + 3rd letter of your Dad's middle name + 1st letter of a sibling's first name + last letter of your Mom's middle name): Ayma*ohshitdaddydidn't have a middle name!*vy . . . Aymavy

YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM NAME (Grandma/Grandpa's first name + Jones): Ada Jones

YOUR GOTH NAME (Black + name of one of your pets): Black Muffin

YOUR AMERICAN IDOL NAME (fav car and sea food) Mazerati Calamari

NAME OF YOUR DREAM BAND (name of computer + printer): Dell Dell

MOVIE STAR NAME (sibling's middle name + mother-in-law's maiden name): Jo Deceased

YOUR ALTER EGO NAME (name of one your childhood pets + popular brand of clothes when you were young): Gigi Nekkid

YOUR LAWYER NAME (fav actor's last name + fav hard liquor): Sandler Captain Morgan

YOUR HIP HOP NAME (fav candy + fruit): Licorice Allsorts Cherry

There... that wasn't so difficult, now was it? Lame, yes. Difficult - no. ;)

Here are some more pix of the Blizzard of 2007. I have more, but have to resize them first... This blizzard caused the interstate freeways to be closed to traffic for at least two days, from the northern S. Dakota border to the state of Nebraska! Last blizzard like this one, on record, took place in 1998. Wasn't that the year they had those horrid floods? :eek:

*dusts off rowboat, just in case* That's a pretend rowboat, btw. Let's just pray it won't be needed! ;)

For the first time in I can't remember how many days, the sun is shining and no snow is falling. Here are a few photos of the blizzard that we have been dealing with. Thank God for good neighbors who called from the grocers, to see if we needed anything & the big tractor they own that can get through the 2+ feet high snow drifts! The snow in our own yard is over 2 feet high & the drifts are higher yet. I have had to dig a path from our door *which was snowed shut yesterday* to the garage, in order to tend to the outside dogs. Yes, I offered to let them come into the house, but they actually LIKE the snow! Crazy beasts! With the snow being so high and the blizzard going for so many days, I found myself thanking my Higher Power for getting the llamas out of here before the blizzard hit. There woud have been no way for me to get the water out to them in this snow! Gotta love the timing my Higher Power has!

Anyway - here's just a few of the pix I've taken of the winter wonderland. Most of these were taken on the first day of the blizzard, when I was able to get out of my driveway. Have not been able to go anyplace for the past 4 days, because it was snowing so much & filling in where I shoveled! ack! Enjoy!

:bunnyblink:

Most of you probably already have read some of the background info, regarding the condition my darling Spouse has developed. The Hepatic Encephalopathy, that condition. Those who checked out the link will know that Spouse will have some days where dementia is present. Even when he takes his sooperdooperpooper syrup, the Lactulose. Since his last stint in the VA hospital, I have made sure he has his daily doses of the dreaded goo twice a day, whether he likes it or not.

What surprised me is the fact that the stuff doesn't exactly work as I thought it was supposed to work. Hence, even though he is taking the horrid stuff as prescribed this time, he still has moments/days where the ammonia levels appear to be very high. Today, when we were at one of his doctor appointments in Sioux Falls, it was apparent to not just me, but to the doctor as well, that Spouse was having an "ibbityibbity" day. Bless his heart - it's almost like having a small child at times, when he gets like this.

Still, he made me giggle tonight, when we stopped for supper, before heading out on the long drive home. We finished up with everything at the VA and I proposed we stop for some dinner, since I'd only had a couple of pecan sandie cookies with my coffee before we left the house. My stomach felt as if it were chewing itself inside out. So, he mentioned wanting fish & chips, which sounded pretty good to me. We headed toward the Culver's restaurant that is on our way north out of Sioux Falls.

Once we got our orders placed and I got Spouse seated in a smaller booth, the real fun began. Most folks who wear dentures will make sure their teeth are in, prior to consuming crunchy things like fried fish and tic-tac-toe game pieces. Not my guy - no sir, no way! I was cutting the grilled chicken that was atop my salad, observing Spouse prepare to eat his fish and chips dinner. First, he took his teeth out and hid them under a couple of napkins. Um, okay then. Then he asked me to get him a catsup for his fries. I showed him the small cup of catsup that I'd already filled when I got our beverages and napkins. It was becoming obvious to me that my darling was having trouble communicating what he really wanted. It also took a lot of self-restraint to not guffaw during the following conversation:

Spouse: "Okay, no catsup. I need some teeth." (points to where we placed our order for dinner)

Me: "Um, sweetheart, your teethh are right there. (points to teeth on table & lifts napkin)

Spouse: "I want some teeth dammit!" (repeats gestures toward counter)

Me: "Shhh! Honey, you're scaring children. Let's whisper. What is wrong with your teeth?"

Spouse: "Dognabbit! Go up there and get me some damned teeth!"

Me: "They don't sell teeth here, sweetheart. What are you trying to really tell me?

Spouse: "I want to eat and I need teeth!" Points to his plate, then to my fork.

Me: "You want a fork?"

Spouse: "Yes. I want teeth so I can eat."

I then handed him his fork, which was on his plate all this time. He took a couple of bites of his cole slaw, which he managed to eat sans his clackers! For the rest of his meal, he used his fingers for the fish and the fries. As we prepared to leave, I reminded him to get his teeth and he promptly began inserting them . . . "No dear, those go on the bottom and the bigger ones are your top teeth."

This dementia is going to be some ride - at least it won't be boring and there will be some giggles along the way. Yesterday he asked me to hang his walking cane on his back, where it belongs. ???? Thank goodness, he decided to agree with me, when I told him there wasn't a hook on his back for the cane.


:rolleyes:

:livellama: :llamagirl: :llamabanana: :llamakick;

Well, the deed has been done and my heart really hurts, even though I am fully aware it's all for the better. As much as I abhor animal auctions, tonight my neighbor loaded my 3 beautiful and very beloved llamas into his trailer. There is an exotic animal auction in Mitchell, SD this coming weekend and I've sent my babies (okay, they are adults now, but still my babies) to the sale. Now, all I can pray is they will be bought by someone who will give them a good home and love them as much as I have.

If this wasn't part of the plan my Higher Power has for us, in the lines of moving to Michigan soon, then tonight's gathering of the woolies would not have gone so smoothly. Normally, it takes a crew of at least 3 peeps to catch my llamas, but I went out there alone and they surrounded me. I gave them treats and kisses, while they gave me hardly any trouble at all in the harnessing and attaching leashes. That is just weird, but made it easier. As if they understood I needed them to be good. The neighbor soon pulled up in the driveway with his horse trailer, surprised that I already had the llamas rounded up. Both Stryker (papallama) and Onyx (mamallama) loaded up nicely, but Mardi Gras wanted nothing to do with going inside the darkening confines of the trailer. She put up a bit of a struggle, but eventually we were able to close the door. I gave my neighbor the registration papers and other info on my babies and they pulled away.

An era of my life has ended and it really hurts right now. A door has closed to a chapter in my life that I truly enjoyed. All we can do now is wait and see what doors and windows will open in the future. Yea, and maybe shed a few more tears, just because it's okay to cry when you say goodbye.

I guess this disqualifies me for having llama smilies, eh? :llamagirl: :livellama: :llamabanana: :llamakick;

The nurses called on Tuesday afternoon, asking me to come pick my darling up. He was discharged on Valentine's Day!!! What a sweetheart of a day, eh? Then today, before the crakodon, I was back on the freeway, heading south to Sioux Falls again. A friend of ours, from Washington (the state), flew in this morning, for lots of reasons. It's funny, but when she initially told me she was coming to visit, to offer support to me, I balked. Tried to talk her out of it, coming up with some of the lamest excuses. She refused to take no for an answer & now I am glad of that. It has been a long while since we've had a guest in our home. Not that we don't welcome folks who come to visit, but we are a bit of a commute from the friends we love and know so well. With Spouse being so sick, pretty much since right after my mom died, we have not been out into the community to socialize. Such is life, but we've grown accumstomed to it this way.

Anyhoo - she's here now & we've all had a lovely nap. It is wonderful to have Spouse home again! I'm glad he didn't have to stay in the hospital as long as the last times he's been admitted. I saw the nurse that was in the urgent care when I took Spouse in. I had to stop by the VA hosp. to pick up some meds for Spouse and she nearly ran me over, as she dashed toward the urgent care department. I was stunned to see that she looked quite lovely today, all smiles and energetic. The difference between how she looked today and last Friday evening when I rushed Spouse in? Rest. Today she looked rested, where last weekend, she was all about appearing absolutely worn out. Amazing what a littl rest will do for a person's face, in fact, for their entire posture. Seeing her appear so happy and rarin' go to really helped me today, as well. Because I was able to see such a remarkable difference, all of my anger and resentments toward her were washed away - not a word was exchanged between us, but it was a blessing for me to observe the difference.

As for the friend coming to visit, another blessing. I hope the visit will be as good for her, as I think it will be for me/us. She has some "stuff" going on at home, so a week off might be just what she needs to recharge. I really hope so.

So - thank you all for your prayers and positive energies that you sent for Spouse & me. I truly believe in the power of prayer - the fact my hubby is alive today is proof that prayer works! Not sure how frequently I'll be able to get in here this week - don't want to be rude, ya know. But know I'll check in when I can and will keep you in my own thoughts and prayers, as well as in my heart. :lovehand: :kisses: :bunnyblink:

It has been an excruciatingly long day for me. Good thing I went to bed early last night (Thursday night, that is), because at 4:30ish a.m., Muffin began barking relentlessly, despite my threats to punt him out of my room. Then I realized, through my sleepy fog that if Muffin were in my bedroom, then someone had opened Spouse's bedroom door and let the little barkaholic free. Muffin had come to alert me that Spouse was in the kitchen, sprawled on the floor and unable to get up on his own accord. Bear in mind, please, that earlier in the day (Thursday) we'd had some pretty good conversation and he was fairly lucid. He had spent the majority of the day in bed, asleep, which has not been too unusual for him lately, but when I was feeding him (okay, note that I had to feed him) we chatted and he seemed fine, but tired. He got up and watched some television with me in the evening, so I was assuming he was feeling better. Remember the superdooperpooper juice the docs gave him to drink? Well, I've been making sure he gets his doses twice a day, per the docs orders, ever since I found out that he tried "experimenting" with NOT taking it, to see how long he could go before he went loopy again. Of course, once I found out he was doing that, I began monitoring his dosage and playing Nurse Biatch when it came to him ingesting the magic elixer that brings him some clarity of mind. Why did he try that experiment? I have no freaking clue and he can't remember.

So - back to today: I finally, after about an hour, manage to get his wet clothing off, wash him down with an adult wipe (he's not a baby!), redressed and back into his bed. He'd been trying to get to the bathroom, even though he has two, count 'em, two urinal bottles and a potty chair in his bedroom. NO need for him to leave his room at all for those urgent nighttime urges. I had also set his "stroller-walker" right in front of his bed, so that if he did try to get up, he'd have that to help with the balance. While I was trying to lift him, I did inquire as to why he didn't use any of those lovely options & he told me he couldn't find them. Uh... okay. Finally, convinced he is going to be okay, nothing broken, no obvious bruises yet from the fall, I tuck him in and kiss him goodnight. Just a couple more hours of sleep would be great. Yeah, great.

Not sure how long I got to snooze, but pretty soon, here came Muffin, the wonder alert dog, at it again. Some folks go for those handy dandy devices that can be worn around the neck or the wrist. Not us - we got a flipping Chihuahua instead. I suppose it's a good thing I don't hang the tiny dog around Spouse's neck, but I'm secretly (no secret now, eh?) very proud of my little shelter pooch. He knew something was wrong with Spouse and was not going to let me sleep through it! Good dog, Muffin! So, I get up again, same scenario, but Spouse didn't make it as far this time. Again, he had wet clothes and was unable to get himself up off the floor. This time, it took a while longer to get Spouse changed, cleaned up and back into bed. By now my back was screaming for a Flexirol, really feeling the strain of trying to lift my beloved. Imagine trying to lift a 200 lb. ragdoll that refuses to cooperate, who's arms and legs twitch every so often and the legs aren't flexible until you get the ragdoll stood upright). Anyway, got him back into bed, gave him his morning meds and went back to bed - just for another couple of minutes, okay?

By now, it's obvious I am just one selfish bitch - going back to bed when my husband insists on going to take a whizz in our bathroom, instead of in one of the receptacles in his room. I called my sis, to request a wake up call, so that I could get a few zzzzz's. Muffin woke me up before the phone call came through. Really, I didn't expect Spouse to be like this today, because he was doing fine yesterday, except for being a bit tired. Bottom line, kids, when he'd fallen for the third time, I called his doctor in Aberdeen and the nurse told me to take him to Sioux Falls right away. She was supposed to notify them of our imminent arrival. That, I later learned, never happend. Typical government agency - don't tell anybody anything! Ever! So, I quickly threw on yesterday's outfit, then went to get Spouse up off the floor again. It took nearly an hour & a half to get him up, cleaned and dressed and ready to go out to the car. I called our neighbors for help, because I was sure if I tried to get him to the car alone, it would be a disaster.

The neighbors were not home, but probably at work. There are days when, in spite of all the crap that it feels like we're enduring, I am positive the God of my understanding is watching over us and giving us a helping nudge. I called Sis - what do I do? what do I do? No way could we afford an ambulance ride to SF! What do I do? By now I was in tears, frustrated, heartbroken and feeling like a huge failure. Somehow, I had failed in regulating his meds - otherwise, he would not be in such bad shape overnight. No, I'd been administering the meds religiously, so that there would not be any mixups. Could he have overdone the midnight snacking and thrown the diet cattywompuss? I have no idea.

After getting off the phone with sis, I phoned another friend of mine who lives in Fargo. She and her hubby, both with experience in the medical field, are good friends and they've always been cool headed when the kaka hits the whirling blades. I told her what was going on and she suggested I call the ambulance peeps and explain that I only needed help getting Spouse out of the house, down the steps and into the car, which was now moved to the bottom of the stairs. I thanked this dear friend, found the number in the phone book and made the call. Once again, my God was there and took care of things. I explained and then asked if they accepted *blahblah* insurance and they told me there's no charge for helping with these sort of things. Any time, day or night, I was welcome to call them if he falls or if I need help getting him to the car, etc. Only when they use their bus to transport him, is there a fee charged. It was kind of embarrassing, but I started crying in front of these 3 nice ambulance guys, out of sheer relief.

So - tally ho there, good neighbor! I've got Spouse strapped in, the back of the car is full of the garbage that I'd planned on taking to the dump Friday. When we got to Watertown, Spouse seemed a bit more coherant, so I went ahead and took the 15 minutes to do the dump run. Then, stopped to fill the tank and we hit the road. Kids, it is about 150 miles from Watertown to Sioux Falls. 35 miles from our house to Watertown. By the time the ambulance crew showed up and we got Spouse in the car, it was nearly noon. We were on the freeway by 1:15ish and I got Spouse to the hospital at 3:09. 95 miles an hour - something I never want to do again.

At the hospital, I parked around back, by the ambulance entrance, because that was the shortest distance to get Spouse into Urgent Care. At my request, a surly nurse grabbed a wheelchair and another nurse, then followed me to the car. Got my darling inside and into an exam room in less than ten minutes. Watch the time thing here... The nurse did some triage basics and then told me I could take Spouse over to the lab for some blood draws. Pay special attention here, kids, where I mention the nurse takes no notice of Spouse being unable to sit up straight in the wheelchair, or that he is unable to communicate at all, except for the occassional mumble mumble sumpinorother. She just keeps on doing all she can to ignore him. I think there's one burnt out *cough* professional in that care unit! If I didn't know any better, it seemed to me she was harboring some sort of resentments toward me, for bringing my husband in. For the record, I didn't give Spouse his Lactulose in the morning, because I was beginning to think we were going to have to take that trip to the urgent care & I didn't want him to have to poop while on the road. I did not expect it to take so long to get him out to the car after that last fall. The thing is, he was already "gone" before it was time to give him his dose.

So, the doc comes in finally (after 7 p.m. she shows up to see him) and asks me all the questions - how long, why, what? blah blah. I answered honestly, and she started ranting on me! Why did I wait until so late to get him to the hospital? Why did I wait until Friday evening to bring him in & why did I not give him his Lactulose doses for the day? It was all my fault he was in the shape he was in, because I didn't give him his Lactulose, according to the doctor. Why haven't I put him in a nursing home, if I am so incapable of providing proper care for my husband? By the time she finished screeching at me, I was in tears and not much taller than a dog's hair on the floor. Because - you stupid, cruel b-b-b- eh, witchdoctor - he was fine two golddanged days ago!

The witchdoctor continued to grumble and gripe at me, then she decided to admit him, seeing as the wife was unable or unwilling (I heard her put that in the notes for the transcriptionist!) to take care of him. He's in a room now and another doctor came to see him. He asked me the same questions, but he did not seem to be as judgmental as the witchdoctor downstairs. He tried to talk with Spouse and asked him to try to do a couple of different things with his hands, which Spouse sort of did. I liked this doctor. Then he asked me a question which I needed him to explain a bit better. It was the hardest question I have ever, EVER, EVER had to answer. If Spouse should suffer something major like a heart attack, catastrophic organ shutdown or something of that nature, what are his wishes? Life support or DNR? That's the one thing Spouse and I both have written and legalized in our paperwork... DNR. Even with the witchdoctor and the surly nurse, I was grateful Spouse was going to get the kind of medical care he needs. The kind I have failed to provide. It was not hard to be grateful he is in a good VA healthcare system and he had a nice doctor upstairs to attend to him.

After I fed Spouse his dinner (yukgrossyukfood), I gassed the car up and headed home. No big ordeals along the road until I was two miles from home. Took a road that is usually plowed with some regularity, a road that I have driven nearly every time I've gone to town. Except I haven't been down it since it started snowing here, what?, a couple of weeks ago or so? So, I go charging up the hill and am darn lucky my airbag didn't go off when I hit the kneehigh drift that was across the road. From the surface, it looked to only be a wee bit deep. Upon getting out and closer inspection, it was actually closer to ofuck deep. So, I call on my wonderful neighbors (God's gift to us, as far as neighbors come & go) and ask if they were asleep? A sleepy voice said no, what's wrong. Then I explained I could see their yard light and would they be able to unstick my little car. please? Within half an hour, my good neighbor and his son were both there in their trucks and had me chained up and rolling backwards. The drifts further up the hilll were worse, according to my neighbor, who had pulled out the parent of his daughter's friend earlier in the day, just at the top of the hill. They are so good-natured about things and have been such a blessing. There's another of those God-shots, for which I am most grateful.

It was after midnight when I got home, much to the delight of Chikki and Muffin, who'd been locked inside the house all day. Did I mention that my neighbor's son fed the outside dogs for me, after I'd called from the hospital? Yep - he's a good kid. So - here I am at home, barely able to keep my eyes open and planning on getting up early for a shower and a road trip south. If anyone needs me, feel free to leave a message, call my cell or visit Tower or Treasa. I'll try to keep the two of them updated, as best I can. I am trying to keep my attitude positive *with all the blessings I've seen today, how can I do other wise?* and hope you, my dear friends will join me in that positive place. Whoever you call upon in times of trouble, ie the God of your understanding, please remember my beloved to your Diety. IF this is his time, may he go in peace, with dignity and honor, and the least amount of pain as possible. IF it is NOT (that's my hope, ya know) his time, then I pray to be able to make the right decisions for my beloved.

Naptime for me, kids... Hope you all have a wonderful, blessed weekend. :loveyou:

:car: Today has been soooo freakin' cold and it's supposed to remain in the near zero temps til Monday. This does not make me a happy camper. Currently, it is a balmy -8*F and it's supposed to get a lot colder before morning. Of course, all of the dogs are inside, ensuring my sofa is not going to make the trip with us to Michigan. It's a second hand sofa anyway, so no big loss. I just can't see any sense in hauling a stinky sofa across a couple of states, can you? Ah well, we've gotten our monies worth out of the pretty little pink loveseat, anyway.

A couple of days ago, Spouse mentioned to me that he was experiencing some *ahem* discomfort in his nether regions and would I please give his scrotum a bit of a feel up? How I wish he'd been unclothed and panting heavily when he made his request, but was naught to be that day. *sigh* Anyhow, I gave his jewels a gentle squeeze and was completely astonished to find more, way, way more than the normal handful dangling down there. When I inquired as to whether he felt any pain, he told me that only a bit and then that was sometimes.

Now, I have a question for the men in the room here... (pretend we're all in the same room, okay?) If your scrotum no longer resembled a nutsack, but instead looked as if it were harboring oranges or small grapefruits, would you be alarmed and want to dash to the doctor for a consult? I mean, this morning as Spouse and I were preparing to leave for a doctor appointment that he had in Aberdeen, I asked him to show me his jewels and it totally freaked me out. Instead of two neat little sacs, there was one huge & very taut bag hanging there. My word, no wonder he was having a hard time crossing his legs! Anyways, I got on the phone right away and called the docs office in Aberdeen. That appointment was a mental health visit, to deal with Spouse's PTSD. Spouse's primary care physician was not going to be in today, so I asked to speak to the nurse. Nurse suggested I take him to urgent care (the VA's equivalent of the emergency room) and cancel the shrink session. No prob!

The hard part was getting Spouse to go out to the car, once I told him what I had done. He is so adamant about not staying in the hospital, but dammit, I was scared for him. Eventually, he relented and we were on the road, heading to Sioux Falls. Met some lovely weather, blizzard winter stuff, en route, but I pushed on, even though Spouse was grumbling about being kidnapped. Blah, blah, blah.

So, we finally arrive in SF and I get Spouse into the urgent care unit. He had to deal with the usual triage - get weighed, have his bp taken, then donate blood to the vampires in the lab. When he was finally called to be seen, it was nearly dark. I'm so glad we took the time to stop for dinner at Culver's before we headed into the VA! The doctor who was working the urgent care seemed very nice. In a lot of ways, he reminded me of Niles Crane, Frasier's brother. I didn't say anything to him about it, but he had the same "stuffy" kind of air about him.

The fun began when the doc had Spouse drop 'em. Of course, he manipulated, pulled, stretched and shoved the family jewels every which way from Sunday, asking Spouse if this or that hurt. Why I go in with Spouse for these exams is beyond me. You'd think it was ME being prodded and poked and pinched beyond belief, what with all of the wincing I was doing. Hell, the man's scrotum is 3 times its' normal size and you're reefing on it, doc! Of course, I'm going to wince!

The doc then pulled a flashlight sort of thing from the wall and turned out the lights in the exam room. That was soo cool, sort of - watching the doctor probe around with the light behind the treasure and seeing it shine through. Remember how, as a kid, you'd shine a flashlight through your hand? Same basic theory here, except the light was shining much further south. I had no idea that the jewels were that transparent! Of course, having a few liters of fluid sloshing around the nuts does help to make this more doable. So anyway, the doc said the fluid was probably from the double hernias that Spouse already has & there was nothing that can be done about them. Doctor sent us both home and that was that.

So now I have to wonder... how many of the men who read this are going to go hide in the bathroom with a flashlight to see if they have glow in the dark balls?

Okay already! There's been a few yanking on my choke collar to post, so here y'are! Been pretty busy of late, dealing with the typical winter stuff, like just trying to stay warm and keep Spouse happy. How I long for the days when simply removing my blouse was enough to meet with that end result! Wait, no - it's been too frickin' cold here for that! We went through at least a week when the temps outdoors were subzero, day and night. It was nasty frigid outside and we both just wanted to hibernate through the chilly snap. Of course, that wasn't an option for both of us, so we alternated, with me doing the majority of the outdoor critter care. Poor critters didn't get a lot of quality snuggle time with me when it was -7*F and I was trying to crack the ice in their buckets to make room for the fresh warm water I'd brought them.

So, what I've been up to, when not in hibernate mode, is working on some sewing projects and house hunting. Yes, folks, Spouse wants to move again. To be honest, I can't say I blame him one bit. We have been here going on our third year now and I've yet to make a friend in this area. Pitiful, isn't it? Mind you, I blame nobody but myself for that fact. When we were searching for our home in SD, we asked the realtor (the way to tell if they are lying is to see if their lips are moving, btw) if there were certain "social meetings" that we were accustomed to attending in the lovely city of Clark. Sure! promises the realtor with moving lips. Had we known my mother would be dying within days of my arriving in South Dakota with the last load of our belongings and animals, we probably would have ventured further north to Michigan, where Spouse was born and raised. He has a sister who still lives in the Detroit area, even.

Lately, he has informed me that he would really like to move back to Michigan, to be closer to his sister. My own sister, ,Tower, lives sort of close to the Battle Creek area and her hubby works in BC. I have a few RL friends who also live in Michigan, so there are plenty of reasons for us to move up there. Hence, I have been searching on the internet for homes in the BC area which might fall into our budget. It is sort of silly to even begin searching now, seeing as we won't be able to move for a few months, at the very earliest. Spouse has to live that long, if he wants to be included in the move.

To be quite honest, I doubt seriously whether he would survive the move. The move from Montana to here was hard enough on him and he hasn't fully recovered yet. Trust me, I am really staying as positive as a gal can, but am also being realistic. One of us has to be realistic here, otherwise we'd be loading up the vehicles and driving away already, with no place to really go yet! I have found a couple of places that appear promising, but then I'll have to get up there to check them out. One is a store building, in a town that is about an hour from where my sister lives. It's really cute, with two apartments upstairs, so I'd be able to rent the storefront out, as well as the apartment, if I don't choose to use the storefront myself.

See, Sis Tower & I have been talking about going into business with each other. Since she & I both enjoy doing various crafts & we both enjoy a good cup of coffee/tea, then we figured why not follow those passions and see if we could earn a bit of moolah! We've even come up with a tentative name for our business, which we agree is kind of cute, sort of catchy. Heck, maybe it will turn into a franchise someday, eh? I can see our shop now... lots of various craft notions and supplies for sale, comfy & overstuffed sofas to sit on and sip tea/coffee (it's always on!), whilst working on knitting/crochet/needlework/origami/fill in the blank projects. A place that has that homey feel, but has a cash register to ring up the purchases. Now I need to figure out how to get Spouse and the critters moved up north, so I can get the repairs, repainting and cleaning done to put this place on the market.

That's another post entirely, but it won't be any easier to put into words than it will be to actually do it. Leave Spouse up north, by himself and the furrbies, while I remain down here trying to get our house sold. Funny, as long as we've been here and I still rarely call it home. Go figure.

If I haven't made it by your blog with my wishes for you & yours - don't feel bad, please. 2006 was a good enough year, in that Spouse & I both had a pulse the entire time and we've come to discover some wonderful new friends in our lives. Here is our wish to you & yours for 2007 -

Wishing the very best to you for the new year - may it bring you much prosperity in all things that matter the most: the spiritual, the emotional and mental, physical and financial. I hope you become richer in all ways, always. Happy New Year!

Today I made a concious decision to not let myself feel so depressed about, well... stuff. Christmas has been difficult, to say the least, ever since my best girlfriend committed suicide the day after Christmas in 2000. Since then, it's been a challenge for me to feel a lot of holiday spirit around this time of year. Her death wasn't the only thing that I allowed to effect how I dealt with this usually most festive time of year, but it did play a major role. We also lived in what we affectionately called "the shitty trailer" and had far too many critters living indoors with us to do any decorating. Hence, I have no idea what happened to our tree and decorations, but think they may be in the basement. When I saw the displays at the store today, it didn't matter to me what we had, nor where it may be.

A couple of days ago, I was in Target and bought a beautiful hummingbird ornament for my sister. I really liked this particular ornament and was hesitant to put it in her package (which has yet to be mailed!!), but I'd already decided to keep the gorgeous butterfly ornament for myself. Then today, when I was at the post office, the clerk and I got to yakking about the ornaments at Target. I told her about the hummingbird and she mentioned she'd love to have time to run into Watertown and get one of those for herself. That comment sparked something in me and I went with the "spark".

Pretty soon, I was on the phone, telling Spouse that I was going to be a bit later in getting home, as I was heading into the city for a couple of things. Hit Target and there were two of the hummingbird ornaments left. I bought both of them and discovered a pretty little butterfly and a cool dragonfly ornament, as well. More for my "stash" of fave ornaments... muahahaha!

As I was sitting in my car, preparing to head for home, an urge hit me to venture into the big store next door to Target, Menards. They usually have some cool sales around the holidays, so I thought it might be fun to check out their ornaments. Never in my wildest dreams did I even consider anything else when I first went through the doors. But, no sooner had I entered and the first thing I saw were the bags with the great 15% off everything stuff into this bag sale plainly blazing in bold font! Oh fun, I knew I was in trouble as soon as my hand touched the bag. I placed the open bag inside my shopping buggy and began the quest to stuff it to the hilt. As a child of a military parent, I have learned how to pack a regular grocery sack to the brink of bursting with enough stuff for the ordinary shopper to fill three brown sacks. It's a gift and I am not ashamed of it, either! :D

Anyway, I headed for the Christmas area and saw the ornament baskets were fairly well picked over. There were some beautiful trees set up and displayed as if one were in a park of festive evergreens. It was lovely to see how each tree was decorated, with no two themes alike. It was then that I realized there were sale signs advertising each tree at ridiculous prices. I spied one with a Mardi Graux theme and was stunned to see it was priced at a mere $20.99!! It is a 5 ft. tree, complete with lights, over 60 full size decorations, garlands of Mardi Graux beads and more. It was then and there I decided this year, even though the date is late, we were going to have a tree, dammit! It fit in my little red car just fine and only a few of the ornaments came off in transit. I managed to get it into the house all by myself, too. hooya! The only thing the tree lacked was an angel or topper of some sort, but my sis sent me a harlequin doll that works pretty darn well as a tree topper!



Ain't it pretty? Yeah, I'm actually starting to be glad about Christmas. Imagine that.

it's here

Merry Christmas, my friends!

Well, the docs have figured it out and now I know for sure what to call Spouse instead of "zipperhead" when he has his episodes. Apparently, the term "shithead" will be quite appropriate. Maybe I've already mentioned this, can't remember. On any note, at least I won't have to telephone him to call him sweet little love names like that. He came home from the hospital on Tuesday. It is so nice to have him home again, that's for sure. Still, I am worried, very worried.

Silly me has to go and do a bit of research online, after the docs have given us a real medical term to call Spouse's condition. It's call "hepatic encephalopathy" and his is chronic, with no hope of reversal. For those who are curious, here is a link and here is another, both of which were very helpful to my understanding the problem better. Spouse is someplace between Grade 2 and Grade 3, although as long as his lactulose is working right, he does better. For now, whenever Spouse begins to display any of the symptoms of the CE, I am to drive him the 2 1/2 hours to Sioux Falls, so they can test his ammonia levels. If history is going to be repeating itself any, that means we might be taking this drive a couple of times a week. Never thought I'd be one to say such a thing, but I hope Spouse can crap more often. As long as he keeps his system clean, then he ought to be okay. So far, since he got home, he hasn't been able to "clean his works" & this isn't good. The docs gave him some sooperdooperlactulosepooper stuff and he's been taking it, as prescribed. When he was in the hospital, he got upset because the stuff worked like a charm. Since he's been home, no shit. Go figure, huh?

Aw, nobody wants to hear this crap... just be glad for me that my beloved has come home - at least for now. If you're a praying person, please pray he will poo for his own good.

And, for those who are wondering, he took Heidi's death as expected. It is just so damned quiet without her around and there is a lot more room to sit on the sofa now. She was such a presence, such a PIA sometimes, but she was special. When I think of her being gone, it makes me feel sick to my stomach and the tears just start flowing again. Damn... I just figured it out - when Heidi died, one of my best girlfriends ever died. No wonder I feel so freaking depressed about her being gone. Sorry for going on and on about her - my heart still feels so frickin raw.

Man, I'd give a billion dollars for a hug... a real life hug right now.

She was born January 19, 1998 in Canada. Her life was snuffed out tonight by a careless ass-sucking fothermucker who just had to drive 85 miles an hour on our dirt road. They didn't stop. She made it as far as the back porch, but she couldn't even muster the power to scratch on the door. I'd let her out to go potty and closed the door for only a minute, to keep the heat in. Chikki came right back and started whining and going in circles to the front and back doors.

Heidipants usually would go do her thing and then be the first right back on the porch. I'd let them out the front door and kept hollering for her out of same door. I was on the phone with my sis and was starting to get both worried and angry, because I really did not want to go back outside into the frigid 5*F air. When she didn't come after a few minutes, though, I started bundling up and got off the phone. As soon as I opened the back door, I saw her laying on the deck and screamed her name. She was bleeding from her stomach area, but it was difficult to see in the dark how bad her injuries were. Bad enough to kill her. You did not deserve to die in such a violent way, my darling Heidipants.

Bless your heart, trying to get back to me when I was calling you. Good come, Heidipants. You were an awesome companion and an excellent mommy. It was an honor and a blessing to know you and share life with you these past few years. Thank you for the terrific laughs and memories I will always have of you. Wait for me, please, at the Rainbow Bridge. Run and play with Voltar, Hawthorne, Gingerbread, Cricket and Buddy. Tell them all how very much they are missed. You drove me nuts sometimes, but your love was steadfast and you were always there to comfort me when times were rough. Rest in peace, my beautiful Heidi of Tucker, 2nd. You have done the breed Entlebucher a great service in your life and I am glad to have shared life with you.

Spouse doesn't know yet. The nurse suggested I tell him tomorrow, after he has a good night's sleep. Good idea, no sense in both of us feeling like shit tonight. The house already seems so very empty without her presence here.

It's been a very long day. After waking up about every two hours, I finally gave up at 5:30ish and started getting ready for my day. My plan was to leave as early as possible, as soon as it was light out enough to see deer on the road. Didn't want to be out any earlier, also, because I was somewhat worried about black ice. Nasty stuff, that black ice. It sneaks up on you and then can bite you square where it counts the most.

So, took some time to put on a little make-up, yakked with my sister, Tower, and drank my coffee. I am not a morning person, unless still being awake after all night counts. Then I'm a ready for bed morning person. I don't have a problem with my inner clock, although it makes it mighty painful some days when I must be wherever early on in a day. Blech - let me sleep!

So - got the face on, drank half a pot of java and let the indoor kids go outside to potty. Have everything I need for the trip: emergency food, warm travel blanket, cell phone, extra beverage, extra wooly hats and gloves and the stuff Spouse asked me to bring to him. He's still in the hospital, down in Sioux Falls, and has had good & bad days both. Yesterday was a bad day for him. I have been telephoning him on a daily basis, at least twice a day, sometimes thrice. Since it's a 2.5 hour drive and it costs $50 R/T per visit, I've had to limit myself to seeing him once a week, maybe twice. It sucks and I feel horribly guilty for not sitting at his side each day, making sure he isn't feeling lonesome. Yeah, that's sort of silly of me to feel guilty, but I do. So what if he sleeps most of the time, no matter if he has visitors or not? I just feel like I should be there, at his side. But then again, we have all of the critters here at home who need tending as well.

Anyhoo - once I got on the road, the journey went rather quickly, with no problems. Decent traffic, no ice and I just happened to be going the speed limit every time I saw a county mounty lurking in the shadows. Sweeeet deal! Got to the hospital and found a decent parking spot, too. My day was going so well, I was beginning to wonder if perhaps I was going to meet the Fockers in Sioux Falls. Everything went sooo well, it was a little hard to wrap my brain around it.

So - I go up to TCU-2 and walk down the hall to Spouse's room. He's awake, seems fairly alert and looked great! Seeing him look so good really did my heart well, since it seemed he was having such a difficult time yesterday. Even though I was only able to talk on the phone with him yesterday, it was obvious to me he was in the middle of a serious "zipperhead" day. Not good. He assured me the nurses were taking care of him, though, so I did not push the issue with him.

Back to today... we visited for a little while, went for a walk down the hallway and then it was getting time for him to have his lunch. I walked him down to the communal dining/rec room for the ward and then took off to fill the gas tank on the toylet for the ride home. Good timing. Got to love it. I got back to his room, just as he was getting finished with his lunch. Tucked him back into his bed and noticed the little tic-tac-toe game I'd gotten for him was on his bedside table. There was a little styrobowl sitting next to it, holding 3 of the pieces to the game. One X and two O's. I checked the drawer to the table and then turned to my beloved and asked, "Where are the other game pieces, honey?"

Spouse: "I ate 'em."
Me: "You wha????"
Spouse: "I ate 'em. Yesterday. I thought they were grapes."
Me: "Sweetheart, these are hard, wooden X's and O's. How could you think they were grapes?"
Spouse: "I told you I was having a bad day yesterday."
Me: *giggles* "Yeah, but good grief! Did you have your teeth in when you ate them?"
Spouse: "Nope."
Me: "How the fuck did you manage to eat them without your teeth? Did you tell the nurses or anyone you ate your game pieces?"

this is where I'm having a heck of a time keeping a straight face, because folks, yea, this is serious, but it's also funnier than hell, when you think about it The game pieces, btw, are about the size of a penny around, by about 1/2 inch tall. Small, painted, wooden game pieces. 3 X's and 3 O's are missing from the game.

So, I took the game down to the nurses station and told the nurses about my beloved's funky appetite. I wish I had my camera out when it registered in the nurse's brain. Her expression was priceless! She then asked me if he'd passed any of the game pieces. Uhmmm, don't think he was really looking for a tic-tac-toe in his poo, nurse. So, within half an hour of telling the nurse about it, Spouse was scheduled to get his gut x-rayed for the game pieces. Perhaps the staff was curious to see if who won - the x's or the o's.

Spouse is supposed to come home on Wednesday, but this latest little episode may have set him back as far as the release. I'll learn more on Monday. Poor Spouse. There was a time when people came from far and wide to listen to him speak at gatherings. He was able to read a book and then tell you word for word what was on page 87, third paragraph, etc. His mind was like a steel trap, easily snaring all sorts of information and able to pull it out when it was needed.

What this disease has done to him, how it has diminished his capacity to think as he used to, breaks my heart. I wish my friends here at efx2 could have gotten to know him like I have. My husband was such a brilliant, eloquant and charming speaker, with a powerful voice and a dynamic personality. When he spoke on the topics he knew, he owned the room. It has been my good fortune to know him then, as it is my good fortune to still know him. At least now, he can be serious when he promises he loves me enough to shit me hugs and kisses, eh? :kisses: OOO

Kids - happy thanksgiving day to each of you. Find a reason to be thankful, even if it comes down to just being glad you've still got a pulse. I had a long post for today, but just can't right now. Something that wasn't said, something I noticed when visiting Spouse... it all just clicked and so what I wrote just isn't relevant.

I've got to digest this stuff (no turkey puns intended) and maybe I'll post after I have a chance to talk to the docs at the hospital.

Some days I wish I were as dumb as I look.

:llamabanana:
Well, not much time to post anything, but gonna try anyway. Want to sort of make a list, so I can check it later to see if all was accomplished & I survived. For the record - as of today, I have been smoke-free for the entire month of November. I was going without the patch for a couple of days, but was having some VERY strong urges, so put it back on yesterday. Better safe than sorry, eh? Since I'll be leaving the house and driving past many stores, I thought it better to have the extra wedge between me and the drive-thru tobacco shop!

Today I'm going to go visit Spouse, because I haven't seen him since last Monday. He's been in the hospital for a week, as of today, and it appears he will remain there for a couple of weeks. I got a notice from his health care team which states an appointment has been made for me on December 4th, to discuss his treatment. I guess this means I'll be buying a turkey sandwich at Arby's on Thanksgiving day and taking a drive down to spend time with him. Still, knowing he is getting stronger and the docs are still trying to learn why he becomes a zipperhead on some days is something I can be very thankful for, right? Right! :D

The to-do list:

Shower
Feed & water doggies, kitties and llamas (hot water for llamas, to melt ice in buckets)
Load the car with the household garbage & take it to the dump
Post Office - mail a couple of packages to other places on the planet
Drive to Sioux Falls
Visit Spouse - give hugs and :kisses:, play dominoes, more :kisses:, take a nap, eat sumpin, more :kisses:, and say goodnight before dark starts falling. (I don't see to good to drive in the dark anymore)
Drive home
Greet lovestarved critters and let them out to go potty
Give llamas warm water to melt ice in buckets
Unload dishwasher, reload with dirties
Dinner?
Sweep & mop floors
Work on Christmas projects
Read blogs and emails
Sleep?

That about does it - it's just after 8:30 a.m. and I must get the first things on the list done before noon, otherwise they must wait until Monday. I'm trying to avoid going to town, in order to help me crush the cravings for a smoke. Hopefully, today will be a breeze. Plus, the stores are getting crazier by the day, with so many folks starting on their holiday shopping. I loathe going to the stores when they are so packed with peeps! I must be getting hermitized, as I sit at home alone with the critters.

A funny thought occurred to me recently: I have never really lived alone before. There was always someone else around, whether it was my boyfriend, a room-mate or kids once I left the family home for my own place. It's weird to realize that I've never had a place by myself, if one doesn't include the critters. Now that I have this place to myself, there are times I don't know what to do... even though there are plenty of options here. It's just hard to get myself into the right "gears" to get started on anything. I miss Spouse being here. Sometimes, at night, I get spooked by the dogs barking at the shadows. I've taken to locking the doors at night. My gun is loaded, just in case. Hunting season is upon us and if I am put in a position to "bag an intruder", I'll be ready. Yeah, right... some drunk old hunter is gonna try breaking into some fat old lady's home. Like anyone would get past my fat old Heidipants! LOL

Gotta go kids! Time's a wastin'! Be good and blog nice!

...and I stole it from Miss Minda, who nabbed it elsewhere. Kind of a cool thing to do, to help one realize how much they've actually accomplished in their lifetime. My "been there, done that"s are in the Bold font:

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea *from the beach, thank you*
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb it was a newborn llama... twice
33. Seen a total solar eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states (nearly tho!)
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk.
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe.
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs *and DVDs, videos, books... but I'm not anal!!*
57. Pretended to be a superhero *pretended???*
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone (if my second marriage qualifies!)
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently well enough to have a decent conversation
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised (raising) children (child)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98 seems to be missing?
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

It's 3:15 a.m. and I just got home a short while ago. Earlier, I guess one could say yesterday afternoon, Spouse asked me to take him to the hospital. Yep, he has been doing better, most days, but still has what I call his "zipperhead" days. Those are the days he is incoherent, unable to walk steadily (which sometimes results in falls), and often will display a weird "tic" which looks like he's trying to touch the tip of his nose, but he continues to move his finger up & down in front of his face. Hard to describe, but when he does it, he can sit for hours and just do the finger - nose thing. Basically, NOT normal, right?

Anyhow, he's had far more good days than bad, up until this past week. Mornings seem to be the worst for him, if he wakes up in the morning at all. Lately, he has been sleeping until around 5ish each day and then only staying awake for a few hours then he's ready for bed. All of the things he was doing the last time he wound up in the hospital for over a month. So today, just as I was heading to go take my shower, he asked me to drive him down to Sioux Falls.

Once there, a gaunlet of bloodtests, as well as the usual triage. The doc wanted to do a CT scan with & without contrast, to see if there's squirrel loose upstairs. Unfortunately, we hit the drive-thru on our way south, because I knew he'd be starving by the time we got half-way to the hospital. Heck, I was already hungry! So, the CT scan without contrast was done & the one with contrast will have to wait until he has gone 8 hours without grub. It has something to do with the dyes they use reacting to certain foods in the system... best to wait.

The one scan that was done showed nothing abnormal, so that's good news. All of Spouse's blood work showed nothing strange, unless one wants to factor in the tests showed his enzymes and whatevers were looking better than they have in a long time. The one thing that did show up was ammonia. Ammonia? Yep, in his blood. NO, I didn't spike his orange juice with floor cleaner! :p I really have no idea how ammonia would get in someone's blood, but apparently it does and it can cause all sorts of freaky symptoms.

So, Spouse is still at the hospital, for observation and more tests tonight. I doubt he'll be coming home before Monday, since it's a weekend. This may sound bizzarre, but I do hope he has an "off" day while under the observation of the medical staff. It is so difficult to describe my darling zipperhead hubby and I really hate trying when the nurses/docs ask me to while he's sitting/laying right there on a gurney.

Keep your fingers crossed, say a prayer or however you communicate with your Higher Power, please... that this time someone down there will SEE Spouse having one of his "episodes" and that they can get him on the right track to wellness.

Dang - I think I'm going to hit the sack early tonight... :nitenite:

If you know a Veteran, no matter what country you reside in, take a moment to thank him or her for their service to their country. Maybe I am wrong, but I think the majority of us would be living lives much worse & extremely different than what we enjoy nowaday, if it weren't for the sacrifices made by our military veterans.

To my Veteran friends:

THANK YOU!!!!!!

:lovehand:

Did anyone even realize I was gone for the weekend, besides Spouse, that is? Yep, went to Sioux Falls and puppysat (er, dogsat) from Friday afternoon until Sunday evening. Got home well after midnight on Sunday, but that's a dif story. Spouse did really well, considering the kitchen looked like crap by the time I got home and the living room was nearly in the same shape. Oh well, I'm glad he didn't burn the house down or injure himself whilst I was out of town.

For the record, ladies & gents - it has been 7 days since I smoked my last cigarette. Yep! Still using the patch & still want one now & again, but am sticking to it this time. After my last relapse, I chose November 1st as my quit date & have stuck to it. Now, if I can only keep the weight off, eventually I'll be able to forget about the smokes totally. South Dakota had on the voting issues one item which I voted in favor of putting on the books - an additional $1 tax on each pack of smokes. More incentive for me to not pick up the nasty habit again, don't ya agree? :D

Spouse's foot continues to heal, nearly there, after that long ordeal with the doctor prescribed meds. It is funny, because the docs in the Sioux Falls VA hospital refuse to give the honey treatment any credit for the cure. Still, each of the three doctors involved in Spouse's foot/health treatment have urged us to "keep doing whatever it is you're doing, because it's working". I suppose the docs in SF are worried they might have wasted a boatload of money on their education, when they could have just as easily asked grandma how to heal a boo-boo! roflmao!

So, anyhoos - got the kitchen cleaned up pretty well, have gotten a few of the zillion emails taken care of and have been trying to plow through the blog alerts. Sheesh - most weekends, it's like nobody is ever home here at efx2. I take a weekend off and wtf?? Everybody and their fuzzy rabbits blogged! Oy!

So - kids, if you're interested at all, in learning what fun little present I gave myself, while in Sioux Falls this past weekend, go on over to my extra pages and click on Sertoma Butterfly House. I've been wanting to go there since I learned there was such a thing in that city! The extra page is pretty photo intensive, so might take a while to load for those on dial-up. Still, although my photos are nowhere near the quality of Oldmanlincoln's or Grnilady or Jeeps, you might enjoy some of them. Go ahead - give 'er a look & tell me whatcha think!

Oh ya - and it's so good to be home. Missed all y'all! :lovehand:

Lookit what she made for me!!!! Isn't it gorgeous? Man, this is the bestest design she's done yet... IMHO!

Sooooo, how do ya like my new outfit? Chica is awesome - no doubt!! Thank you so much Chica!

Hope ya had fun trick-or-treatin' with the kiddos! :lovehand:
:lurgle: :lurgle: :lurgle:

Ya, I should be in bed right now, but woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. Maybe a little television and some commercials will help lull me back to slumberland, eh? Not these... :hotflash:


Is he sick or what?

Oooops!

Uh, mister? Is that my bra?

Baby, you can drive my car!

Slow down, boys!

They're such a cute couple!

Sheep!

:bunnyblink:
Sometimes, it's the simplest things in life that amaze me the most. For the past 10+ months, Spouse has had a pressure wound on his right foot that just would not close. I think it's been mentioned here before, in previous posts. The wound has been open, down to the tendon, a hole about the size of an average pea. Pretty gross to look at on a daily basis, but that's what I've been doing since it started. The VA podiatrist has been great, trying various things to try to promote the hole to heal. About every 3rd week, Spouse has had to visit the pod-doc, to have the doc debreed (sp?) the wound, in hopes of it healing correctly. See, the wound has been trying to heal closed at the surface, but that's not good. The deeper tissue has not been regenerating, so each time Spouse goes in for his visit, the doc takes his handly snippers and cuts all of the surface tissue off of the wound deep inside. Mind you, this has been done without benefit of pain killers! Spouse grits his teeth and endures the pain, where I'd probably be kicking nice Dr. Bob square in the face! This has been going on for the past 6 months, at least... every 3 weeks & nothing has changed.

We've tried using various medicines, prescribed by Dr. Bob, with each working up to a certain point but then the healing stopped. Yes, the medicines did work short-term, but eventually we'd see no further progress, so another med would be prescribed. *sigh* So, a bit over a week ago, when the "weather-stripping sulfide" medicine treatment began irritating the wound and causing it to become inflamed, as well as the surrounding skin to split, I discontinued using it. Just did the daily cleansing and rebandaging Spouse's foot. Naturally, I shared my frustration with my sister, Tower, who then shared with her friend back in Spokane. A day or so later, this friend sent me an email, touting the benefits of using honey on open wounds that refused to heal.

Spouse and I discussed trying it, since nothing else seems to be working at this point. Bear in mind, the next step Dr. Bob was ready to try is plastic surgery on the wound. In fact, Spouse has an appointment for a consult with a plastic surgeon tomorrow morning. Anyways - the first night I applied a drop of honey to the wound, making sure it was touching every surface in the hole. Wrapped up the foot and let it work. The next evening, when it was time to do our daily routine, the wound looked a bit smaller and far less inflamed. Interesting, hmmmm? I reapplied the honey to the wound and continued the treatment for the next 4 days, seeing progress on the healing each time!

The next appointment for Spouse was with his primary care physician in Aberdeen. I took along a print out of the article on medicinal honey and shared it with Spouse's doc. I love this particular doctor, because he actually LISTENS!! He then shared how he has read in recent reports about the use of honey &/or sugar in treating stubborn wounds by military docs on the battlefield. He examined the wound and encouraged us to continue with the honey treatment!

On Friday, Spouse had to see the Pod-doc again and he didn't exactly "poo-poo" the notion of using this natural remedy. He did mention the risk of bacteria in honey and all that blah, blah, blah, while he cut open the healed tissue and made the wound bleed like a gutted pig! After he removed the tissue from the top layers of skin, he was able to see that the wound has indeed, been healing below the surface also! No longer is the tendon visible! So, he applied pressure to the wound, while I readied the honey to apply with the bandage material. While I was applying the honey, Dr. Bob kept repeating, as he smiled and winked, "I'm not seeing you do this! I do not see you apply honey to the wound!"

So, we've continued the honey treatment and we're going to keep the appointment with the plastic surgeon, just for gits and shiggles. Since Spouse's primary care doc said we shouldn't let anyone mess with it, I'm looking forward to seeing the PS's reaction to hearing we've used honey as a cure. Hopefully, they will agree to let it wait a while longer, to see just how much healing the honey will promote. If Spouse doesn't need the surgery, don't you think that would be just too sweet?! Guess it's only fair for me to say I love you, Honey!

it's nice out, so go play, Kids!

Last Thursday evening, I warned Spouse of my plans to remain in bed for all of Friday the 13th, so I could avoid any "unlucky" situations. Yeah, like that would ever happen - the being able to stay in bed part, that is. As luck would have it, the weather warmed up and it was a beautiful, yet blustery kind of day. While I drank my wake up cuppa java, I compiled a neat list of things that I planned to accomplish for the day.

1. Get dressed. 2. Water outdoor critters. 3. Get stuff to seal water leak in basement floor. 4. Bring puppy corral up from basement, take to garage. 5. Set up garage heater in corral for outdoor dogs; feed outdoor dogs. 6. Empty dehumidifier in basement... again. 7. Use shopvac to get all standing water off of basement floor. 8. Seal the leak! 9. Bring tallest (heaviest, too) ladder from barn and replace siding on north wall of house.

With a list to follow, I figured, just maybe I would be able to stay on track and there was less chance of accidents. Silly me. Silly, silly lady.

Getting dressed was not much of a problem, given I've got a few years experience in that department. My biggest obstacle was deciding what to wear, so I opted for warmth and comfort. Sensible shoes and first pair of socks I grabbed. What? Once the socks were on and I'd gone into the living room to put my sensible shoes, I noticed that the socks were of different lengths for a grand reason. One brown sock (the short one) and one dark green sock (the longer sock) were on my feet. Okaaaaaay, not a horrible catastrophe, since my critters tend to care nil about what I wear, as long as they get fed and watered. As long as my pants were long enough to cover the socks when I went to town, I didn't care much either.

For those who didn't already know this, my back gives me bouts of pain, on a daily basis. It's just part of life, as I know it, because of the scoliosis in my spine. My case isn't as severe as some, so I count my blessings and just deal with it. Pop a nice little pill, couple times a day and the pain is tolerable, I can function and get crap done. The colder weather seems to aggravate my back pain, especially if my neck or lower back gets a chill. Because of this, I was determined to get the chores on my list accomplished, while the sun was shining.

I ventured outdoors, first to gather the winter watering jugs and buckets. There is no outdoors spigot for watering the llamas, so I must fill the jugs/buckets in the bathtub, then carry them across the yard to the llama pens. Just part of my regular winter routine, like it or not. Once the water containers were full, I carried them all to the deck, for the trek across the yard. This is where it gets a bit tiresome, dangerous, even. See, our indoor dogs have a tendency to go bonkers when they think everyone is going to go outside for a romp. The hunt is on, you know!! Right... stupid dogs can't tell the difference between a bucket of water and a shotgun. I had two jugs of water, one in each hand, that were heavy but balancing me. So I presumed. My path was clear of obstacles, the lawn was freshly cut just before the snow we had two days earlier, so there was nothing to impair my journey and task. Until, out of the blue, old Heidipants came barreling around the corner of the deck and clipped me from behind. The fat old bitch sent me airborne and I landed on my side, both jugs still firmly in my grip. The fat female fell! When I landed, I landed with a bone rattling thud and was unable to move for a moment. Now my perfectly fine day so far, except for the unmatched socks. was turning into a normal Friday the 13th for me. Arrrgh!

Furious with the fat old bitch, I waited long enough for Heidipants to come circling around to see why I was laying horizontally on the grass. As she approached, in my anger, I attempted to give her a solid kic in the ass, but she dodged my foot, with room to spare. When I lunged my foot toward her, my knee turned kind of funny like and I heard a soft, but audible screeeunch coming from the knee. Now I was REALLY pissed. Not only that, I was afraid I'd broken something, because I couldn't move the leg without screaming.

Picture it, kids. I'm laying in my backyard, still holding those blasted water jugs, screaming for help and the only response I had was my two cattle bitches and a yappy assed Chihuahua circling me like vultures. It was obvious that my screaming was not going to help the situation, so I finally maneuvered until I was able to get up off the ground. Now that the knee was acting tweaky, my trip with two water jugs was altered to one at a time. My back was out, in several spots, so everytime I took a step, my neck made a clicking noise. I did get the llamas watered, got the outdoor hoses gathered and coiled, the spigots insulated and then took the damn dogs back in the house. Don't get me wrong, but some days, they really piss me off. This was one of those days. The thing that really amazes me is the fact no bones were broken, as far as I know, anyway. *ouch* It still hurts when I laugh.

As for the remainder of the list, I did actually manage to get nearly everything else done on the list! It was growing dark, by the time I'd hauled the 15th 5-gallon bucket of water up from the basement and applied the sealant to where the water was seeping up. Hopefully, the stuff is working. I went down again today, to check for leaks, but it was still too damp to see. There is still one last shop-vac full of water to empty, but I just couldn't do it today. It was all I could do to move today, so I did the minimum required. My entire body feels as if I've been run over by a steam-roller.

Still, despite the pain, there is a sense of pride within my spirit, for getting so much accomplished & living to tell about it. ;) The only thing on the list that I didn't get to was bringing the ladder up from the barn and putting that one piece of vinyl siding back up on the house. Not bad for a fat, falling female, if I do say so myself! Maybe I'll be up to it tomorrow... who knows.

On a lighter side, I called my son today, to wish him a happy birthday. On October 14th, 24 years ago, I gave birth to a precious little quick trip. I call him that because he weighed 7-11 and I only had a couple hours of intense labor. He just got a promotion at work, after going through some grueling classes to improve his skills. Cool - he's finally trying to grow up. :) We had a long chat and got some stuff cleared and things are okay now. Son even said he loves me, a major plus, since he was so angry for a few years and refused to tell anyone, especially me. of his love.

Bitzky had this little mini-meme on his blog and I really liked it. Feel free to spill your honest guts out... and don't forget to lurgle now and then.

1. What was your first impression of me?
2. Do you still think that way about me now?
3. What reminds you of me?
4. If you could give me anything what would it be?

A friend just sent me this in an email. Have you seen it yet? Enjoy - either way.

tonite I found out my daughter was in Oklahoma when I was there, at least she was there on the same day I left. did some math and figured out my son knew she was either coming or already there, but did not tell me. he was probably following her directions on that, so can't totally blame him for keeping the secret. still, they both broke my heart.

the weather here has gotten very cold, too, with predictions for snow tonite or tomorrow. ugh. loathe the cold, gray skies. smoking again, but in extreme moderation (only 4 or 5 a day) and still using the patch.

spouse was doing really well for a couple of weeks there, but has reverted back to the way he was just before he went in the hospital.

if it's okay with anyone on the planet, i'm going to just go hibernate until my feelings are not so raw. wake me up if and when the kids fucking care.

It has been over a month, now, since Spouse had his last cigarette. He finished off his last pack on August 31 and has been smoke free since September 1. He used the patch, which really helped him. Just don't tell his docs that he was wearing two patches at a time the first week. Had I known, I would have thrown a total coniption fit. Anyhow, it worked for him and I am very proud of him. One other thing he did, before completely quitting was to start wearing the patch two weeks before his quit date, while he still smoked. Maybe not the best way to go about it, since one is supposed to remove the patch, in order to smoke a cigarette. While Spouse was going through his first month, I chose to wait, but smoked in other rooms or outdoors. I felt it was not going to be in our best interest, relationship-wise, if we both went through the cig DTs at the same time.

I've been wearing the patch now for about a week, maybe a bit less. The packs I've been buying have been tagged as my "weaner packs". As in wean her off of them. For a couple of days there, while I was smoking less, it was very difficult for me to keep the patch on. My body decided the best way to revolt was to "glisten" and glisten it did. Lady's do not sweat by the way, we glisten. My body was glistening out the wazoo, kids. It was not pretty. Neither was my attempts to keep the patch on my person, so I would not be feening for a smoke so desparately. Yesterday, I didn't wear a patch at all, so frustrated was I with the previous day of losing 3 of the expensive tools! Hence, yesterday I smoked nearly half of a pack, which wasn't good at all.

Tonight, I finished that pack, but I did manage to keep my patch on all day. Perhaps because it was cooler, rainy even, today, so there was less glistening on my part. The cigs I did consume, were only partially smoked... just a few drags on most before they were extinguished. That's it. No more for me.

There is a supply of baby carrots and celery in the fridge, as well as a healthy staple of candies. Some from the candy swap I participated in recently, the one Shoegal hosted. I've also used some other distractions tonight which were more positive & healthy, when the urge hit me to have a smoke. Spending 15 minutes on the Cardio-Glide machine, reading one of the umpteen magazines that have piled up until I could get to them. I've got to do something besides eat, which is what I did mostly, the last time I quit.

Last time I quit smoking, I had abstained for 4 years and was quite proud of myself. Too proud. Suddenly, my kids were teenagers and they were smoking. On a particularly awful day, I asked one of them for a cigarette. Smoking that was not very becoming, since I hacked and choked through the entire thing. That was not the relief I'd been looking for, so I immediately drove to the store and bought a pack, smoking until I finally reached nirvana. The nirvana has long since vanished and now it's just an ugly habit that has held me hostage for too long.

My biggest fear is I will gain weight now that I have quit. When I started back up, the last time, the extra 80 pounds that I'd gained dropped off of me like melting butter. It was wonderful, being thin again and not feeling so self-conscious about my appearance. That only lasted a couple of years, however, because I soon met Spouse, moved to Montana and our lives were sort of sedentary while he was on the chemo each time. So, the pounds returned. With a vengence this time, too.

It feels odd, right now, to not have a smoke burning up in the ashtray next to the laptop, while I blog. It also smells better. So, I pop a piece of candy in my mouth and try to not crunchi it up in one fell swoop. Folks, I'm a quitter, so please bear with me, should I start to hallucinate or mutter strange things. It could be worse... I could start drinking again!

A side note that is very cool: Two nights ago, I woke up around 3ish in the a.m., had to pee. Our bathroom is in the back of the house, with a huge window that overlooks our back yard and woods that lead to the cornfields. We now have our yard security light working, so often times I will refrain from turning on the bathroom light when I go in at night. The yard light's glow is usually enough for me to do my biz & wash up. I was sitting on the throne in the dark room, trying my best to not wake up completely, so I'd be able to go back to sleep when finished. It didn't happen. As I sat there, I realized there was a strange "click clacking" noise happening in the back yard. The noise was coming through the open window. So, curious, I hastened to finish and waited to flush. As I peered out the window to my back yard, I saw 3 glorious whitetail bucks just beyond the deck. Two of them were sparring, antlers locked in battle! It was soo cool! The other buck was happily grazing on the grass and checking out the tender leaves of the maple tree. The click-clack noise was coming from the two bucks who were locking antlers. I watched, totally awake by then, in awe of the precious opportunity I was being given at that moment. It was that very moment when I also knew I wanted to really commit to this quitting the smokes. There are so many other opportunities that await me and I'd like to be able to breathe enough to enjoy them.

Warning: Lots of photos, so those on dial up may take longer for the page to load.

As you know, I took a trip to Oklahoma last week, to visit my son and meet my precious grandson. My journey began early on Monday, the 18th of September. Pulled out of the driveway around 6 a.m. and headed east toward the freeway, then south once I reached I-29. It was a beautiful day, not too hot and perfect for travel. Everything was going fine, or so I thought, until I saw this road sign, someplace in Iowa or Kansas... can't remember.

It worried me a little to see a sign that said Oregon was off to the right, but I stayed the course and continued south. Next time I want to visit Oregon, I know a long way now. The trip was long, over 12 hours and I was fairly tired by the time I reached the Maple Place Bed and Breakfast in Enid, Oklahoma. It's a lovely place to stay, if you are ever in the vicinity. Located in the historic district of Enid, just a few short blocks from downtown. The city has been working hard at fixing up the old town, so it didn't seem as rundown as the last time I'd been there. The B&B consisted of two beautiful, refurbished old houses and a garage that has been converted into a cottage. I stayed in the Prairie Suite, very spacious and decorated nicely with quilts and cowboy stuff. My suite was in the second house, a glorious old home that the B&B owners had only opened a month prior to my trip.


The owner of the B&B met me at the curb and helped me to carry my bags up the stairs (extra aerobic workout - no charge) to my suite and then showed me around. Of course, I had to phone Spouse right away, despite the late hour of my arrival, to let him know I'd reached Enid safely.


Notice the wonderful modern conveniences on the wall? Yep, not only a phone, but a flat screen tv on the wall! Very cool. Unfortunately, the local phone company hadn't yet hooked up the phone service to the second house, so I wound up having to call Spouse on my cell. Thank goodness the tv worked!

As soon as I was settled in, I called my son, who works a night shift at the local Little Ceasar's pizza. He's being trained as an assistant manager, and seems to really enjoy his job. Maybe some folks might think that's a pretty lame job, but I know he works hard and am proud of him. He came by, after getting off work and we got to visit for a little bit. Eventually, I had to admit to being exhausted and he left, so he could get some sleep before coming over the next morning.

Okay, so we both kind of slept in the next day. Once I got up and started moving around, the first thiing I had to do was get myself a Sonic cherry limeade. I love those things, especially when it's hot out! My SIL was driving up from Ft. Worth, TX to meet me. This is the sister of Spouse whom I had yet to meet, even though we'd had a few chats on the phone. I was really excited about finally having a 3D face to face with her. She arrived in the early afternoon and we tracked down my son. The three of us then headed for the Glass Mountains, to do a little glass mining. We had a blast, ooooohing and aaaaaaahing over the various formations of the natural glass. In all the years I'd lived in Enid before, I'd never been to the Glass Mountains, so it was a new experience for all of us. The dirt was so red and when the sun hit the glass crystals, they sparkled like diamonds.


The three of us played around until it was nearly dusk, then headed back for Enid. Ate at the Arby's where my son used to work, then returned to my room. My son hung out with us old ladies for awhile, then left to go see his girlfriend. He didn't mention taking me to meet his son the entire day and I didn't want him to think meeting his son was the only reason for my visit. Didn't want to piss him off before I knew where the grandbaby lived, so I held my tongue. It was easy enough for me to understand my son's feelings of insecurity, considering the rift we'd had for the past few years. I was just as glad to see him and spend some special time with him, so everything was cool. My SIL is terrific, too! She and I have so much in common, much more than either of us had realized. Rock hounds, crafts, quilting and more. We both were fairly tired after climbing the mountains and our excavating glass samples and crystal clusters, so once we'd both had our showers, we hit the sack. Well, she hit the sack and I slept in the recliner.

The B&B provided a wonderful breakfast, each day, of fresh fruit and gourmet homemade muffins, juice and coffee, so we didn't have to worry about food until lunch time. SIL & I went to a thrift store that she wanted to visit while in town. Yet another fun thing we have in common! We wondered around the store, each in search of our own special treasures. I found a cool candle holder that resembles a gazebo, made of metal and leaded glass. It is almost identical to one I'd found in Colorado a couple of years ago, so now I've got a cool "set". SIL was pretty busy, too. She looked inside an old milk can and discovered a pair of mummified mice! Apparently, she has a friend back in Texas who collects skeletons, so she carefully gathered up the mummy mice and slipped them into her purse. Yes, that totally grossed me out!! I must say, though, she sure is a thoughtful friend, to go through all of that trouble to surprise a friend back home. LOL She found a couple of other things and purchased them. but the only thing I can remember, besides the mice is the sweet little silk bag she bought for me. It's really small and has some neat hairpins with crystals slid onto a ribbon on the front of the bag. I hung that off of my rearview mirror and think of her every time I see it. When we left the thrift shop, I called Son and he met us at a fascinating rock store in town. I bought some pretty beads there and SIL bought some beautiful crystals and stones.

She had to leave then, so Son & I went to grab some lunch, following her to the edge of town as a send off. We had such a lovely visit and I hope it's the first of many to come. Once Son & I were done eating, he had to go to work, so I went driving around for awhile. Then I recalled my sister, Anothergrayhare, telling me about some other crystals to be found out near Jet, OK. It was pretty windy this day, but I wanted to try to find the Selenite salt crystal beds and bring some of them home, as well.

The wind buffeted my little car around as I headed toward Jet, which is around 40 miles from Enid. The radio was keeping me company, with frequent updates of tornadic activity in various regions of OK.



There were a few times I was unable to see past the hood of my tiny car, but I pushed on, committed to my quest. Finally, I reached the little town of Jet and pulled into the parking lot of the local convenience store. Once inside, I used the restroom and then asked the clerk for directions to the salt flats. She told me the police had just closed the road, due to the dust storms. After thanking her, I returned to my car and noticed a couple of things. First off, was the police car blocking the road, just a few yards from the store. It wasn't there when I entered the store, so I figured he'd just gotten there. What timing, eh? Definitely! The other thing I saw was the sign advertising a pack of camel cigarettes at the edge of the parking lot.


Since I'd driven so far already, I decided to try to continue, driving toward the police car and stopping. When I inquired about the status of the road, he informed me that the road was closed because a 5 car pile-up, just down the road. Visibility was so bad down the road a ways that no one could see past the hood of their cars and it got ugly really quick. For once, I was so grateful to have needed a potty break. Had I not stopped to pee, I might have wound up crapping myself in the car!! Hence, armed with the information, I reluctantly headed back to Enid and to my room. Grabbed a shower to rinse all of the dust off of me and soon fell asleep watching something on tv. Driving in that horrendous wind really whipped my butt good that day.

On Wednesday afternoon, I did some more driving around, since my son had gone to work after spending a couple of hours with me in the morning. He still had not yet taken me to see the grandson, stating he was having a hard time reaching the mom to set up a visit. Drove past my mom's old house, which was auctioned off last spring. It looked pretty nice, considering how run down it was looking after being empty and unattended for a year. Snapped a photo for my sis, but won't bother boring my readers with it. After that drive-by, I headed over to Meadow Lake Park, which is located a couple of blocks behind mom's old house. I was sorry to see the little train and the carousel were already closed for the season, but was delighted when my attention turned toward the lake. For the first time I've ever been to Meadow Lake Park, I saw a beautiful swan, swimming along the opposite shore. As close to legal as I dared speed, I headed to the other side of the lake and ventured near with my camera. The entire time I was thinking how lovely to see a swan there and began to wonder if my mom's spirit had anything to do with it's arrival.

A young mom was feeding the ducks, goose and swan when I approached, so I asked if she knew how long the swan had been coming around. She didn't know, because her family had only recently moved to the city. Ah well, since I had no facts, I'll just keep that happy thought of my mom returning to the park she loved so much, as a beautiful swan. It's fitting, I think, since she enjoyed feeding the ducks and geese there so much.


It broke my heart to see this little goose, though. No telling how his wing got broken, but at least it didn't effect his ability to paddle around and gobble up bread crumbs!


My son took me out for my birthday on Thursday, since his boss had scheduled him off for that evening. We went to a lounge that my son frequents and had some pretty good burgers and shot a game of pool. I think my son won, no small wonder since I hadn't played for years! LOL Then we went to Wallyworld, where I bought him a present. His favorite color is orange and we found a neat laundry hamper thing that he really lliked. Ya, it was fun to buy him stuff for his place. His place, BTW, is a room he shares with my ex-hubby's son from another marriage. Weird, but for them it works. I guess my ex isn't all that bad a guy, considering he helps my son out with a bed to sleep in. Heck, the ex even told my son that I could crash on their sofa for a few nights, if need be, while I was in town. While I appreciated the offer, I wasn't comfortable with putting his new wife in that sort of position. THAT would have been too weird.

So, anyhow, Friday finally rolled around, bringing my birthday along with it. I was in the shower when Son showed up, bringing a friend of his along that he wanted me to meet. Thank God my clothes were hanging in the bathroom!! It was a nice feeling to realize Son wanted me to meet the people he hangs out with now, as well as him wanting his friends to meet his mother. Yeah, that was cool. Son's friend stayed for a short while then left for work. That's when Son told me it was time for me to meet his son. This was my birthday present from him... no complaints from me about how much it cost me to get this present, either. Every penny was worth it. It's not as if I've really paid for much of it yet, anyway! LOL

Son led me to the home of my grandbaby, his mom & her parents. Really, really very nice people. They welcomed me into their home and I finally got to meet this little guy, give him some presents I'd been collecting for him and get some hugs and kisses. While it would have been terrific to have been able to visit with my grandson the nights my son was working, I am grateful to have gotten the two days of hugs and kisses that I did get. The other grandma and I have each other's contact info and we're going to visit via the webcam often, so the grandson doesn't forget me. The phone lines will be burning frequently, as I call him to stay in touch. Whatever it takes for him to know we want to be a part of his life. Folks, meet my adorable grandson & his sidekick, Swiffer... isn't he the cutest?



And for the record, I did go back out to the salt flats on Saturday afternoon for a couple of hours. Found a nice assortment of the crystals and brought them home. I had to say farewell to my grandbaby, Uriah, on Sunday morning, which nearly broke my heart. Maybe that's why I wound up getting discombobulated on the way home and got lost a couple of times. Took me two days to get home, for a 12 hour trip. Go figure...

Man, imagine the cool quilts I could create if I had some of this!

Yes, my friends - I'm trying to catch up on the gig of email that is in just one of my inboxes! LOL

:lurgle: :lurgle: :lurgle:

Just got home a couple of hours ago, following a wonderful week of visiting my son in Oklahoma and meeting his son for the very first time. I am soooo in LOVE with this little boy, it's probably disgusting to some folks. Got some pix, but have to get the pc updated before getting things down & uploaded to share. That, and MUST get the 80 lb. knot out of the middle of my back, so I can type without looking, let alone, without wincing. For tonite, I'm going to just try to do some catch up reading, before hitting the sack.

Thanks, to those of you who were so sweet in offering me happy birthday wishes. Didn't have any cake, but I did get kisses from my grandson, which are far, far sweeter & way less fattening! :)

See ya's tomorrow, kids, with pix and updates on my journey. I sure missed yun's guys & gals! :pandalove:

Ya, ya, I know some folks are waiting for me to finish a previous story. That, my friends will have to wait until another time. The past two weeks have been quite busy, as I've been scurrying around here, getting things ready for my road trip. Yep, a road trip my friends!
:llamabanana:
My son called last month, totally out of the blue, and informed me that he missed me & wished I were in his life again. Apparently, becoming a participating father in his own son's life has caused him to rethink his feelings on the importance of family. Long story I won't go into now, Son didn't want anything to do with us, after he got out of juvenile prison, when he turned 18. Too many rules to follow.

Son was living in Enid, where my mom had lived, when I went down to help deal with mom's death and belongings, a couple of years ago. He came over to help and we had some nice enough visits. It was wonderful to see him again, after him being out of my life for a few years. I'd missed him terribly, but stood by my husband's side, instead of taking my son's side in a dispute the two of them had. Yes, I chose my new husband over my 16 year old son, but only because I recognized that my son was trying to set Spouse up to go to jail, which was totally devious and wrong! I could not, in good conscience, let my son get away with that sort of inappropriate behavior, nor let Spouse go to jail for something my son had rigged up. Like I said, long story - maybe I'll spill more on it another time. Back to Son's phone call...

Son has been a lot more actively involved in his own son's life, lately. The little boy is nearly 3 years old and I've not met him yet. Major bummer, folks. So when Son called, nearly in tears and telling me that he missed me so much, I was elated. Not elated because he was nearly crying, but elated that he wished I would come visit sometime. From the moment I hung up the phone after that conversation, I've been trying to figure out how I could get down there to visit my son & hopefully, meet my only grandchild.

There was no way I could leave Spouse, not with his health as bad as it has been. There was nobody we know who could/would come and stay here, in my stead, while I was gone south. So, I worried myself sick, got angry at life's terms and for a brief spell there, folks I was seriously depressed enough to contemplate ending it all. Yes, I got that depressed. For about a week there, I suddenly knew why some folks felt like hurtling themselves in front of a fast bus or train, or worse. That was pretty scary. What scares me even more about how I was feeling at the time, is the fact I didn't tell anyone else what I was considering. If I told anyone, they could try to stop me, right? After all, that is what I would do, if someone I cared about mentioned wanting to commit suicide. Yes, I considered many options that week, but found myself unable to get to the "commit" part, because I also am very acutely aware of how sad and painful it is for the people "left behind". I was depressed, but not so depressed that I didn't care about other people's reactions to my death. No way could I do that to Spouse, nor my sisters, children or friends. NO frikkin way! So....

The next visit that Spouse had with his doctor in Sioux Falls, I spoke up to the doc. Asked if there were any way he could "prescribe" the visiting nurses to come and take care of treating Spouse's wound while I was gone for a week? I mentioned the grandchild, not yet met, and how it was about time I did meet him. The doc was great & said no prob, as he began typing into the pc on his desk. The very next day a humongous weight was lifted off of my shoulders! A woman from the VA down in SF telephoned to coordinate Spouse's nurse visits with my absence. While I had her on the phone, I asked her if she knew who we needed to consult about respite care for Spouse. She told me that Spouse could come down to SF and spend a week in the hospital there... Ya, I thanked her for that, then went on to tell her about us living here for 2 years and me still not having a friend nearby, because I've been unable to get out in the community to meet friends. That and there is little to do in our small town, where I could befriend anyone. Since I don't drink, it's not like I can mingle with the regulars at the bar or the liquor store. So, once the nice lady from the VA realized I was hoping for something where I could take a weekend to visit my sis in Michigan, or my son in Oklahoma, she told me that Spouse qualifies for 30 six-hour respite visits in the home per year. I was so stunned to hear her tell me that info, so relieved, that I began to sob my thanks to her. How embarrassing, but I didn't care. Life as it is no longer felt so hopeless. Light at the end of the tunnel. It still amazes me how difficult it is to find out what sort of benefits Spouse is entitled to as a veteran. Trying to get answsers from the VA is like trying to give head to a wombat! Not fun, my friend. Anyhow, this news lifted a 40 story building off my shoulders - now I knew I'd be able to make visits to family and friends elsewhere and not have to worry about Spouse being left alone. Huge relief.

So, the past two weeks have found me busily preparing for a road trip to visit Son and meet Grandson. I've got nearly everything packed, except my laptop, which will be unplugged very shortly. I leave tomorrow morn, around 6 a.m. and will return the following Saturday or Sunday. This past week, Spouse has been very alert and participating in the housework a little, even. He stopped smoking on August 31 and that has done him a lot of good. My stop date is set for my birthday, the 22nd of this month. Have a non-smoking room, so that should help. Now, I must go clean out the car and get my stuff loaded up. I'm going to meet my grandbaby & will take lots of pix, for sure. Hope you kids are all behaved while I'm away. If there's time, I will check in while on my vacation.

Toodles! :knit: :pandalove:

Just because I like sheep.... and it's fun. Really, it's fun! Show me how well you know me! (saw this over at Slade's & Joey's.)

Do Gnu Gno Me? Take my quiz! Take This Quiz | See Scores | Make Own Quiz

Today is/was our wedding anniversary. Nine years together, 6 of which Spouse spent doing various chemotherapy treatments. The chemo didn't work in the sense that he is cured, but it did "buy" him some extra years. He went through hell and high water so that we could have a few more years together and for that heroism, I am grateful. I wonder if I am made of the same stuff, whether I'd be able to endure the seemingly endless nights of extreme muscle cramps (like rigors, but he was still alive), the bouts of nausea, losing my hair in clumps and cold sweats that left the bed sheets soaking wet. He did it for six years. SIX YEARS!!! Yes, there were a few months that he didn't take the chemo, during the time, but the doctors kept wanting to try one protocol after another. All in all, I'd venture to guess maybe he wasn't injecting the Interferon approximately 5 months out of the entire 6 years. That is a lot of Interferon for one person to take. One of his docs even told us that Spouse may be one of the few people alive today, who has taken that much Interferon in their lifetime.

The first treatment, that he started when we married, was about 2 months after the wedding. He had already done a year of various Interferon protocols during his marriage to wife #4. Yes, I am his #5. #4 wife didn't want to stick around, while he was on the chemo, leaving him to suffer alone about a month into his first chemo treatment therapy. The chemotherapy, btw, was not for cancer, but for a case of Hepatitis C, which he contracted while in Viet Nam. His official duties were that of clerk, but in actuality, he was doing a lot more than filing papers. Things like cleaning the evac copters that flew in the wounded and dead. Getting shot at and shooting back. He never touched a needle, nor a hooker, during his tour of duty over there, so his best guess would be the disease came from cleaning the helicopters of the blood and guts that remained when the dead and wounded were removed from inside. Anyhow, his wife left him, writhing on the floor in pain, declaring she couldn't handle watching him be so weak and ran straight into the arms of a younger, healthier man. That poor sap is married to her today. God help him if he ever gets sick.

She was still gone, several months later, with her lover and Spouse's doctors gave him a short reprieve from the treatments. So, Spouse began to go out, visit the faithful friends who helped him through that year of chemotherapy and start over as a "single" man. His wife filed for divorce and this time he chose to not fight her. It wasn't the first time she had strayed, but it was the first time he refused to beg her to return. Enough was enough.

During this time, I was a single mom, trying to raise my son with little help from the community and church I attended back then. I was also trying to stay clean and sober, attending AA meetings every week. On previous attempts to quit drinking, I searched for religion, thinking perhaps that might help me stay sober. Instead, it scared the hell out of me and eventually, I went back out, each time and drank more. Oh, I was a functional drinker, mind you, never getting arrested (caught), always paying the bills first and seeing to it that my children were at the babysitter's if I was going out to party. Maybe not the typical perception of a drunk or an alcoholic, but man - when I drank, I drank to get drunk & had many blackouts. There were too many mornings where I awoke, wondering how the hell I'd gotten home and if I'd killed anybody en route. It still amazes me, to no end, that I am even still alive to think about it. My life was going downhill, I knew it and wanted freedom from the wreckless spiral that accompanied my alcoholism.

So, I was attending AA meetings, where I began to learn the difference between religion (for people who are afraid of hell) and spirituality (for people who have already been there). It was at these meetings I found the secret to obtaining and maintaining serenity, at least MY serenity. And it was at these meetings, I met Spouse. He started coming to the meetings in the NW Washington town that I lived in, in order to avoid running into #4 in the city where he usually attended meetings. Who could blame him, right?

Remember, I was still a single mother, who had not had a date in at least 5 years. Yes, I got lonely, but kept myself busy working on my spiritual growth and raising my boy. My daughter was living with her friends, by then, coming by to visit when she needed something. On the June day I was celebrating my 5 year anniversary of being clean & sober (my actual sober date is in April, but I'd had volunteer committments on the birthday nights until now), I came home from work to find a message on my answering machine. It was Spouse, inviting me to go out for a celebratory dinner after the meeting where I'd get my 5 year coin. The "birthday meeting" was held on the third Friday of each month and those who were celebrating a birthday would be able to share with the others a bit of their story of sobriety. I was already nervous enough about speaking to a group of people, so I was totally unprepared for this! It floored me to hear a man actually asking me for a date. A real date! Since we had been chatting after the meetings, I'd come to learn he was very intelligent and quite charming, but never thought he might want to go out with a fatty like me. Oh yeah, during the first 5 years of working on my sobriety and spirituality, I'd gained quite a bit of weight and was very self-conscious about it. I hid my body in loose fitting dresses and extra long shirts, so that my bulges would not show. I refused to own a mirror, other than the one hanging above my bathroom sink. Enough for applying a little paint to the barn & I was good.

After I called the number Spouse left on my machine, I phoned a gal pal of mine and she hurried over to help me get ready for the date. She was the one who initially introduced me to the AA program and was my first sponsor. I miss her terribly, but we've both moved enough times and have lost contact with each other. Hopefully, someday our Higher Power will bring us closer again. Meanwhile, I can only pray for her best of everything in life and that's enough. It's funny, now, to look back on that evening, when I was preparing for the meeting and the date. My stomach was churning so horribly, turing itself in knots and I felt as if I would vomit any minute. My friend helped me get my hair done up (it was way shorter then), put on some make up and pick out a comfortable dress.

When I got to the meeting, Spouse was sitting in a row of chairs which lined the wall. We only had a couple of minutes to speak, before the meeting started, and I asked if he'd gotten the message I left on his machine. Spouse shook his head no, and began to tell me he understood if I didn't want to go out with him, but he wanted me to know it was strictly for dinner - no strings attached. The poor dear had to sit through the entire meeting, not knowing I had accepted his offer of dinner! Finally, with the speakers out of the way, everyone happily eating their slice of cake and the clean up process begun, I approached him and let him know I was ready for that dinner.

We went to a lovely Mexican food restaurant in Ferndale and ate some terrific food. We were so engrossed in our conversation, we failed to notice the waiters setting chairs up on the other tables, the lack of other customers and the staff waiting for us to leave. Finally, one of the waiters approached us with, "Please, we would like to go home while it is still Friday, Senor!" Ack! Spouse and I rose, paid the check and headed out to his truck.

Spouse opened the truck door for me and asked whether I'd like to go for a drive or if I wanted to go home. Neither of us were ready to say goodnight or goodbye, so I nodded to his suggestion of taking a drive. We drove around, with the windows open and the stereo playing some wonderful jazz. He eventually, pulled the truck up to a point by the ocean and we sat, side by side, gazing across the waters to the lights of White Rock, B.C. I don't know how long we sat there talking, but it had been years since I had felt so safe, so comfortable with another human being. We discussed lots of things - being a parent, being sober and more. The thing that really impressed me was he didn't try to get physical with me, nothing more than having his arm around my shoulder. There was something hypnotic about being on the water's edge, as the stars glimmered from the onyx sky above and waves kissed the rocky shore. It was just so peaceful that night.

... to be continued (maybe)

Finally, I have returned from my self-imposed "quiet time" and want to begin by keeping my word to Slade, who tagged me for this literary meme.

A book that changed my life:
Coming Out of the Ice by Victor Herman.
The book is a hard to find, no longer in print true story. If you see it at a garage sale, used book store or on a friend's bookcase, I urge you to beg/borrow/steal it. Victor Herman lived an incredible life and survived things that many could not. In his narration of his life, he answers the question, "Why me?" and does so with class.

*side note: Spouse read the book and actually tracked Victor Herman down, to his home in Michigan, long before we met. You guessed it - my hubby went to visit Victor and had a fascinating hour of conversation with this exceptional man. That event changed Spouse's life, for the better & made him want to be a better man. Had Spouse not read the book, not met VH, I seriously doubt I would have had anything to do with the man he was... let alone marry him one day. Ya, this book really changed my life & for the better.

A book I've read more than once:
The Bible.
There are plenty of books in that tome, which made for terrific bedtime stories to read to my son, when he was young. Lots of romance, action packed, mystery and more. When my son was at this age, I was a single mom and couldn't afford books very often. Someone gave a children's version to us and we discovered lots of really cool stories inside, if you skipped the 'begats part'.

I've read many, many books more than once, but no longer have them. Right now, I can't recall the name of any, either. When a book is good enough for me to read twice, I almost always have passed it on to another person. It's kind of cool to scribe my name and a short comment re: my thoughts on the book on the inside cover. I also ask the receiver of the book I'm passing on to do the same when they are finished with it. Just so the book won't sit getting dusty on a shelf forever and so others might learn what the previous readers thought about it.


A book that made me laugh:
Weiner Dog Art: A Farside Collection by Gary Larson
The man is a twisted genius & his comics are proof. 'Nuff said.


A book that made me Cry:
Children in the Holocaust and World War II: Their Secret Diaries by Laurel Holliday
Anyone who reads this book of actual diaries written by children during the Holocaust & WWII that doesn't cry must be one tough futhermucker! I loaned this book to a friend and never saw it again. This is one I want to get another copy of, eventually. A word of caution: if you are prone to wearing mascara and you do read this rivetting book, make sure it's waterproof. Nuff said.


A book that I wish had been written:
It still can be written, if I'd just get off of my fat duff and DO IT! It would be a compilation of fiction and non-fiction/autobiography stuff I've written (and have yet to write) during my life.


A book I wish was never written:
I am not going to mention the name of this book, because it was penned by a friend I admire very much. It's really not so much that I wish it wasn't written, but rather that I had not purchased a copy. There is absolutely nothing between the covers to which I was able to relate. My friend's other book, however, I do want to purchase and read, because I am positive it will be a fantastic read!


A book(s) I've been meaning to read:
The Last Templar by Raymond Khoury
I read the teaser and was instantly hungering for more. The book is here, just have to make time to read it.

An assortment of quilting books I've purchased but not been able to sit and read/search the patterns. Time is a scarce commodity here.

The Complete Works of Emily Dickinson
I love her poetry and the story of her life. What a very interesting woman she was.

So, there ya go kids. If I had a better memory of the titles & authors, perhaps my responses might have been far more interesting. Still, at least there are the couple which have withstood the test of time and sizzling little gray cells. Books were my best friends when I was a child, growing up. My dad was in the military and we traveled often. Eleven different schools in as many years. Some of the eleven schools I attended for as many as 3 years straight, if that gives you any idea of how often I was the new kid in class. My books were always faithful, guaranteed to accept me unconditionally, without predjudice. I consumed them as a child, taking my mind on adventures, flights of fancy, delving deep into the history of great men and women and escaping the horrors that children of raging alcoholics endure sometimes. My books enveloped me in cloaks of serenity, thrills galore and passion. In the books, I was able to be the pretty girl, the brave soldier, the super hero.... if only for a few paragraphs at a time.

Books made me the person I am today. Today, I can be okay with that, too. :pandalove:

There's this gal I know, Treasa, who got me involved in blogging in the first place. Since the downfall of MB, she hasn't really kept up with her own blog as often as I'd love her to be able, but she still posts occassionally. Treasa is like a sister to me, in fact, if she didn't already have a twin & we weren't several years different in age, I'd happily call her my twin!

Anyhoo - her birthday was last week and her sister bought a pretty little puppy. She couldn't help herself after the puppy kissed her. I know how that works, having been there, done that myself. Now, there is something wrong with the pup and Treasa is seeking spiritual support. Please, visit Treasa's blog and join me in the spiritual pleas for this precious puppy. Treasa's nephew loves the puppy and it would surely break his little heart if the worst were to occur!

I thank you, in advance. And yes, I'm still here, just dealing with RL - will post a proper entry when the time is right.

:livellama:

For the past few days, I've been wanting to post, but can't seem to wrap my brain around the verbage. Hence, tangled brain salad surgery (bss) & it's not by ELP. There is so much going on, inside of my head and my heart, that it's almost overwhelming. Good stuff and not so good stuff - and I just can't seem to find the right words to put it down here.

So, I keep it stuffed, speaking it aloud sometimes, as I try to sort it all out. Ya, seems there's a lot of this going on lately. As soon as I'm able to figure out what is bugging me to insanity, it will be blogged.

Until then, have a day, my friends. THAT beats the alternatives.

wOOt!! Check it out:

""

Cool - a different Monty Python twist with llamas!

""


This one was funny! Caution to parents - cover the kiddies eyes!

""

This final one is really great, although it's quite long. Llotsa llama tricks & very cute!

""

""

*heavy sigh*

Okay, so there have been quite a few folks taking advantage of the ability to add photo montages & I've lept aboard the bandwagon, for personal reasons. Yes, the vid will take a little while longer to load than some dial-up users might like, but I'm being selfish here, this time. The montage could have been a heckuva lot longer, if I had access to the hundreds of cool pix on the old pc, so it is what it is.

When I learned about the site that allows us to make the montages, I wanted to create one which might cheer me up about no longer being a breeder of Entlebuchers. Any of my friends here know that Spouse & I have devoted nearly a decade of our lives to this wonderful breed of dog. Hence, our decision to no longer breed was not made lightly, nor was it done with a happy heart. Spouse's health must come before the dogs, so we had to accept that it was in the breed's best interest to sell our handsome, Swedish stud, Ingo. Ingo is now living with his new family and they love him very much. For that, I am glad. Ingo is happy there and he will be able to contribute to the breed's tiny genetic puddle, hopefully, for the betterment of the breed.

Meanwhile, I've been busy here at home, doing what needs to be done and missing the hell out of my boy, Ingo. That's why the montage of pix... something for me to watch, when I want to trip down memory lane. The trip to deliver Ingo went smoothly, not much to really write about, actually. I drove over there, took some pix of a bison herd on the way there, spent the night in a Super 8 motel. Met his new mom, spent one last night with Ingo sleeping on the bed, near my feet and handed the leash over the next morning. Loaded my gear into the car and began my eastward trek home. Took more pix of the same bison herd on the way and arrived home by lunchtime. I was so exhausted from the drives, that I went to bed and slept until the next day. Not much, but lots of the usual stuff, has been going on since then. I'll update on that in another post... later.

In the meantime, if you want to see some of my fave doggy moments, feel free. And, if you would be so kind, since there will be no more puppies here, please pass the Puffs (tissues).
:puppy:

Have to be up at 4 a.m., showered and the car loaded for a long road trip by 5ish and then on my way tomorrow. A few things changed, but bottom line is my darling Ingo is going to a really neat breeder in Utah, instead of the breeder in Illinois. It's a long story, one I don't have time to get into now, but we learned a few things the night before that IL breeder was supposed to come and get Ingo & Chikki. It's a good thing, because this arrangement we have now is far more to my liking.

Anyhoo - got everything packed, that I can think of - clean clothes, extra smokes, a flashlight, the purty little new Lady Smith that Spouse gave me and all of Ingo's paperwork. The ice chest has been hauled up from the basement & washed out, there's water bottles & pop in the fridge/freezer chillin' for the trip and I've got a bag of pretzels to ruin my diet (the bag said fat free!). Have a couple of bags of Ingo's chow so he won't go hungry & the dishes for him to utilize on the journey.

By tomorrow evening, we must be in Bel Fouche (sp?), which is on the far western border of South Dakota. The temps predicted are in the :hotday: 100+'s :hotday: for tomorrow and the next day. If it weren't going to be so danged hot, I'd take another dog with, for company on the return trip. :hotday: I just hope my little red :car: doesn't crap out with the heat! Thank God for A/C :hotflash: in the car, too!! I'm hoping we can get a good bit of road behind us before it gets too terribly hot. That's one reason I'm trying to head out so early.

Poor Spouse will be here to take care of all the other critters, along with one of our grandpups that we are pupsitting for the weekend. My goal is to be home in time Sunday, to be able to meet his family in Watertown, so they won't have to make the extra miles on their own journey home. Ya, I know... but they have 3 kids and this was their last chance for a weekend at the lake before school. I just know those kids are going to be really tired by the time they start heading home, so it would be nice if I can save them that extra 70 r/t of the journey. That's just what grandma's do, isn't it?

Anyhoo - I'm an idiot for even being awake right now, but just wanted to wish everyone else a grand & hopefully cool weekend. If fortune is on my side (feel free to pray, send positive energy, etc) the lottery ticket I purchased today will be a winner and we'll have a grand party when I get home. hey - it's up to 155 million US$ now, so... Oh! wait a minute... that's a totally different topic! Sorry 'bout that! What the heck, send the prayers and good thoughts on my winning anyway. I've always wanted to be a nice old philanthropist! :laugh:

Okay - my brain is misfiring, obvious by my last paragraph. Time for bed, kids. Love you guys & gals - be good to each other whilst I'm gone! Niters....
:nitenite:

Swiped from Enidation, before I got tagged...

5 Things always in my purse:

* my Walthur PPKS .380 (ask Slade - he knows ;))
* wallet
* cell phone
* glasses
* comb

5 Things always in my wallet:

* Driver's license
* credit cards
* Pictures
* a lottery ticket
* my CCW

5 Things always in my refrigerator:

* butter
* soy milk
* cheese
* 1/2 & 1/2 for Spouse's cereal & coffee
* jelly

5 Things always in my closet:

* shoes
* clothes, half of which i don't wear, wishful thinking that one day i will be back in "that" size again.
* fabric for my quilting
* hats
* craft projects

5 Things always in my car:

* insurance card
* dog leashes
* a variety of music cds
* phone charger
* my sunglasses

5 Things always on my desk:

* my laptop
* the old computer that needs everything in it moved to the laptop
* an ashtray & my smokes
* a stuffed doggy
* my collection of various stones and crystals

Anyone else who wants to do it, is more than welcome.

Birds do it.
Bees do it.



Don't tell me even the....trees do it! I dunno - you tell me what you see in this pic. This was taken on the southern shore of Pelican Lake, which is just SW of Watertown, SD. Pretty brazen, if'n ya ask me, for those trees to be so active right there on the beach!


Or maybe I just have a dirty mind? So - are my eyes playing tricks on me?

Shoegal is hosting a Candy Swap and I signed on to participate. Sounds like a ton of fun, even if it will ruin my diet! Anyhoo, she instructed the participants to post this questionaire on their blog, with answers, of course. This could be lots of fun - especially shopping for someone else and trying to send them something new & hopefully, exciting! Gee, I feel like a kid in a candy shop already! So... without further ado -


[B]1) When I was a kid, Halloween was all about:
a) collecting as much candy as I could
b) collecting candy to eat as I go
c) sharing with my siblings
d) Who cares about candy? I was too busy egging my teacher's car.
e) Halloween was forbidden in my house and I've never gotten over it. Bring it on!
a. It was all about collecting as much as I could, a horrid & greedy trait that carried over when I took my kids trick or treating, too!

2) What is more important to you: quality, or quantity? I prefer a good quantity of quality candy.

3) If you were on a desert island and could only have one sweet treat, which would it be? Licorice Allsorts

4) You arrive at "Dessert Island" – where you discover a river of pudding flowing freely through a swamp of Cool Whip. No one is watching. What do you do?
Wonder how much I could ship to my Spouse, who is a pudding addict.

5) Sweet, sour, or savoury? Sweetsweetsweetsweet!!!

6) Sex or chocolate? :confused: Is this a serious question? Both, dammit!

7) What kind of candy, if any, would you turn down if someone offered?
Dark chocolate &/or any chocolates with creme filled centers. Blech!

8) How adventurous are you? Do spicy dried mealworms or candy-coated crickets give you the willies, or are you willing to try anything once? Uhhhh - I can be somewhat adventurous, but draw the line at candy coated bugs and gross stuff like that. That's not candy - that's birdfood!

Any other info you want to share, I suggest you spill it.
For those who don't really know anything much about me, I am extremely allergic to all things with alcohol, liquors, any type of booze flavorings, even. Not really keen on minty candies, hot tasting things or super sour. Hate anything watermelon flavored, even though I love the real deal. If I must choose between the red candy and the green/yellow/orange hard candies, I'll take the red one every time and give the others to my dogs. :D

:lurgle:

:hotday: Kids, it's been a total scorcher here on the prairies. So hot, I was able to cook burgers on the grill without turning on the gas! Just kidding there - I cooked them inside, while the A/C kept me fairly cool. Imagine my surprise when I checked the thermometer that is outside the kitchen window and it read 120*F. No wonder my brain was feeling fried after I tended the animals and watered the garden. It's been horrid-hot out and the wind is blowing to beat the band.

When it's this hot outside, I tend to stay indoors more. There was a time when weather like this would have me filling the ice chest and heading for the lake or the beach, but no more. Spouse and I had planned on attending a Jazzfest down in Sioux Falls, either yesterday or today, but with the temps being so unbearable, we chose staying home, instead. No sense in risking our health for a little fun. My, my - how our priorities have changed over the years.

The weatherman says things are going to start cooling down Monday, to the low 90's. Hard to believe we're looking forward to that sort of coolness! In the meantime, we're hunkering down in the house, as much as possible. At least this heat has dried out the basement some. We've still got to get that leak sealed, so the basement won't fill up again. I found there is a tree stump in one of the flower beds off of the front porch. No tree, just the shaved down stump & I wonder if perhaps that is how the water is getting down to the basement level. Maybe when it rains/I water the flower beds, the stump siphons some of the water to the lower levels of the foundation? I dunno - just know I spent a good part of two hours hauling buckets of water up the basement steps and dumping them off the back deck. My back is paying for it today, too. At least the migraine went away - one that I think was triggered by the heat and straining my back with the water hauling. Got the job finished, though, so there's great satisfaction in knowing it's done. Remind me to ask someone if there is a way to seal that tiny leak in the basement - it's where the cement floor meets the stone wall and it's only about 3 inches wide - that won't cost us tremendously? I was thinking perhaps if I just poured dry cement in the crack, then the water would sort of seal the hole itself. Hmmmmm? There has to be a way... oh ya - and I would probably need to seal the top of the buried tree stump that is in the flower bed, to eliminate future basement floods.

Aside from very little else going on here, life is going okay. While our yard is slowing turning a very dry yellow, because I dare not water the lawn, we are still thankful for the little moisture we have had. Things are so bad in some areas of South Dakota that the farmers are selling off their entire herds of cattle, because they are unable to water and feed them. It has become disasterous, dangerous even, in some areas of our state. No way am I about to water my lawn, when there are so many others having to ration their daily consumption of water. Just take a little out to the few cantelope plants and make sure my llamas, dogs & cats are well hydrated. I am so glad we opted out on a big garden this year. No way I would have been able to handle tending it in this heat!

We have a lot to be thankful for, here in our home... we have water, plenty of grub in the fridge and our lawnmower is finally fixed. Not that I'll have much lawn to mow for a few weeks, not until it rains again. Hope everyone else out there is doing well & staying safe in the summer heat! :hotflash:

Okay - because I don't want to full up a bunch of my ladypals' shout boxes, nor their pm boxes, I'm posting this here. A few of my dear female friends here at efx2 have bestowed this blessing upon me recently. Rather than send it around, I'm going to just let it be a post here, with the understanding (hopefully) my lady friends will see it and know how much they truly mean to me, as well.

Maybe I'm a bit of a spoilsport, but I tend to not forward emails like this, no matter how sweet and heartfelt they may be. To my lady friends - you know who you are and if you see a nudge in your shoutbox, you'll know for sure this is for you. I feel blessed to have found some really terrific lady friends amongst the members of this community..... life is pretty dang cool.

"Firstly, I wish for you totally love, joy and happiness in your life each day, and my continued ups to heaven is that you prosper and be well. I want you to know that I love you to life and u will always be one of my favorite down homegirls, that I'll love to life and will always be there for, its not hard for me to only pick 13 gals to send this to, because I have a very few select people I can truly call friends, so consider yourself blessed ... If I dont get this back I will fully understand :] but Once you read this letter, try and also to send it to 13 females within five days. They will be blessed to know that you care so much. And its always nice to send some hugs and smooches to a real friend.. Please send this to your 13 FAV0RiTE females" (Got this from several wonderful lady friends here at efx2, so I am sending out to my 13.) I pick you as one of them. Have a good moment.

3 times and say, "There's no place like home." That pretty much covers how glad I am to be back, tonight. The weekend with the grandpups was lovely, but a tad on the boring side. One might think I could have discovered lots of wonderful places to visit, while in Sioux Falls, but the fact is, it was just too danged hot to do much of anything outside. It were a scorcher, honeys! :hotday: So, I took the dogs for a drive through the park, instead of a walk. Poor dogs wanted out so bad, but I didn't have a portable water dish with me, let alone any water for them, so we just did the drive thru. The main reason for my even finding this particular park is because there is a Jazzfest planned for later this month & Spouse would really like to attend. I wanted to be sure I could find the park and check out the parking situation. Luckily, it's a huge park, so there's a good chance we can get a good chunk of grass for the event, if Spouse is up to the trip then. Anyhoo - it was and is great to be home again. It seems as if there were so many different little gifts that came my way, once I got out of the car, to verify how wonderful home can be, too.

The outside critters were all sooo glad to see me! The llamas were especially elated to see me coming their way with the water hose. Today, Stryker even gave me a slobbers picture, just so Lady A won't be a liar about llama slobbers! I guess she's only been trying to get her llama kisses when they've been drinking! Silly me, I forgot about the wet lips of a drinking llama! LOL



One of the reasons I had my camera outside was because I saw the following event wander out of the trees/field behind the house, from my kitchen window. The fawn was all wobbly-legged and soo darned cute! It's a miracle that I was even able to get out of the house, without the dogs alarming the mom and baby. They let me get as close as the edge of the field for this photo op, but still not as close as I'd have liked, for a better pic.



After I watered the llamas, a little bunny caught my attention, near the side of the house. I walked in that direction and saw a beautiful moon, just barely hanging in the sky. Since it was still rather light out, I tried to capture the moon for you.



Here's the bunny, too, though it is not a very good picture - not as good as some you'll find by other great photographers, like Abe, Lizzie, or Will, but it's still a bunny in my own yard.



So, for now kids, delight yourselves in the place you call home. I hope you, too, find solace in the things familiar to your everyday life, the little serendipitous moments that walk out of "the trees behind your own home" (even in the concrete jungles) and the common comforts of sitting in your favorite chair. Now, I'm off to go play catch up on a bunch of blogs and emails, as well as letting poor little Muffin up in my lap. I swear, that silly little dog adores me to the point of being weird! ;)

:llamabanana: Have llama, will travel, right? I'm going to Sioux Falls for the weekend, to puppysit Franco & Bronx again. Probably won't have access to a computer, so hope everyone has a grand & safe weekend. Whilst I am away, feel free to continue gathering votes for me..... I have never won anything, as far as "best of" contests, so this is kinda sweet, just being in the lead for a little while, anyway.

Toodles & lurgles, kids... See ya on Monday! :car:

In other words -

VOTE FOR ME!!


ShadowRose has the Hair Poll up! Please go vote for my long locks! The poll will be up until the 10th of July - so hurry your sweet bibbies on over there!

:hotflash:

Hey - Happy Indepence Day, too! To those who I owe a huge debt for my freedoms, I say a special Thank YOU! You know who you are. :loveyou:

Nope, but sometimes doing the right thing won't always bring feelings of glee and happiness. Once in a great while, doing the right thing will literally shred your heart and make you sick to your stomach. That's what's going on with me, currently. Are you curious yet?

Ever since Spouse was so terribly ill this last time and he nearly died, he's been fretting about the number of dogs we have and the work load that has been mostly my responsibility. For those who don't know me that well, we raise a rare breed of dog, known as the Entlebucher Sennenhund. It's a beautiful animal which originated in the Swiss Mountains. They are related to the Bernese Mountain Dog, the Greater Swiss Mountain Dog and the Appenzeller Mountain Dog. The Entlebucher, or Entle as we call them, are the smallest of the four Swiss mountain dogs and are unique in many ways. They are used for herding cattle, draft work and for many other tasks in the Swiss Mountains. Do you love gourmet Swiss chocolate? Chances are great that there was an Entlebucher helping the Sennen with the herd of cattle that ate the grass and provided the milk just for that sweet delicacy.

Spouse and I have taken a lot of pride in how we have helped this wonderful breed in the race to save it from extinction. Back in 1910, there were as few as 4 Entlebuchers alive on the entire planet and by 1927 the numbers had risen to a mere 16, when the breed was recognized in Switzerland and efforts were started to save it from extinction. The small numbers of this breed resulted in a genetic wet spot, as opposed to a gene pool.... and we've been working in concert with other breeders around the world to bring those numbers up. There have been so many wonderful moments, arguments with other "parties" with different agendas in relation to the breed and more. The politics have been devastating at time, but we still hung in there. I would venture to say that for the most part, being a breeder of this magnificent breed of dog has had a very positive effect on me as a person.

We have been instrumental in getting the Entle registered in the American Kennel Club's (AKC) Foundation Stock Service (FSS), in hopes of someday having enough of the breed in the United States to acquire AKC recognition and registration. There are some who fear the AKC will exploit the standard for the Entlebucher, but we feel it is in the breed's best interest to have the AKC registration, in the long run. Spouse and I have invested money we could not afford into the breed, as well. That was just what we did, because we have been so passionate about bettering the breed. Being involved in Rescues (re: Entles from other breeders, mostly) as well as taking the steps to repossess and rehome some of our own grandpups has been a way that we have tried to stay true to our goals. There were quite a few other breeders in the US who got totally pissed at us for lowering the adoption fee of our grandpups, too. We believed that it was unfair to the dog to be sold at such a huge $$ amount, thereby eliminating the possibility of some really good people sharing life and home with such a great dog. Yes, because of the numbers of the Entle available, some breeders were (and still are today) asking a ridiculous price for a pet quality Entle puppy. After two of our more affluent puppy families violated our contracts in the puppy care sections and we had to repossess the pups, we felt it in the breed's better interest to seek people who had more common sense than money. In doing so, we've added an extension to our family, through the families who have adopted our grandpuppies. It's been pretty darn good, despite the headaches, paperwork and boatloads of puppy poo to clean up.

So, what is my heart not into now? Quitting. I'm not quite ready to give in, toss in the towel or whatever you want to call it. Spouse has been fretting about whether I'd be able to continue caring for all of our critters if anything should happen to him. He also is trying to deal with his own issues, in regards to how much he is able to help around here. Hence, he's been trying to talk me into our selling two of our Entles - the two viable breeders we own. After his hounding me for the past few months, as well as him calling lots of other breeders we respect and trust with our "kids", the deal is done.

Right now, I'm supposed to be writing up a contract for the sale of our handsome Ingo and our sweet, precious Chikki. This, my heart is not into, again. My gut is churning and vomitting sounds like it might bring relief... for the short term. In my head, I know that letting them go is the right thing to do, no matter how painful the separation might be. Ingo is one of the very few Entlebuchers in North America who has been given an OFA rating of Excellent on his hips. This is very important to the gene pool, since hip dysplasia is an issue that the good breeders are trying to breed out of the Entle. Ingo has beautiful hips and his genes could benefit many future generations of the breed. He has passed his eye exams and has been clear, so that's another plus on his side. There has been developed, recently, a genetic test to determine whether an Entle is clear of, is a carrier of or has the genes for Progressive Retinal Atrophy (PRA) - which always results in blindness when a dog has it. We've yet to get that genetic test done on Ingo, but again, the odds are in his favor. To date, none of his littermates, non-littermates and other close relatives have it, nor are they carriers of the PRA gene. This means, in all likelihood, Ingo is free and clear, also. That makes my baby boy a pretty hot commodity right now!

That is what makes selling him to a decent breeder the right thing to do. His genes can aid in bettering the breed. For Spouse and me to keep him here and not let his spawn seek out some new bitches is, at best, unethical on our part. The breeder who is buying him also is interested in a breedable female, so we offered him our darling Chikletz. This is breaking my heart, but I know deep inside, that this is the right thing to do. I could easily go on & on (as if that's not a joke here, yet) about the many wonderful memories I have of life with Ingo and Chikki, but that's another entry. It's time for me to get back to work on the contracts, take some pix of my kids and spend some quality time with them, before they leave us this weekend. One plus in this arrangement is they will be living near Chicago, which is only a 12 hour drive. I've also been given visitation rights... any time I'm in the neighborhood.

Ya, we're doing the right thing and it is ripping my heart to shreds. That will leave us with only 4 Entles and a silly Chihauhau to keep our feet warm next winter. Here - enjoy a couple of pix of Ingo and Chikki, whilst I go barf.

Stolen from Ben, literally word for word, who Ripped from Libertine and Audsmom.
"There has probably never been a more comment-whorish meme...but I like it...so fuck it."

What one word do you think describes me? Leave it in the comments then copy and paste this into your blog so I can leave a one word comment about you.

Snagged this from EC, who ganked it from kelley....

1. Go to Wikipedia.

2. In the Search box, type your birth month and day (but not year).
September 22

3. List three events that happened on your birthday:
1. 1908 - The independence of Bulgaria is recognised.
2. 1951 - The first live sporting event seen coast-to-coast in the United States, a college football game between Duke and the University of Pittsburgh, is televised on NBC.
3. 1980 - Iraq invades Iran.

4. List two important birthdays and one interesting death:
1922 - Chen Ning Yang, Chinese-born physicist, Nobel Prize laureate
1958 - Joan Jett, American musician
1999 - George C. Scott, American actor (b. 1927)

5. Post it.

Recently, a nice package arrived, via the gruff postman, at my door. I was puppysitting Bronx & Franco when it came, so it wasn't until my return home that Sunday, I was able to rip 'er open. Ohmystars! The surprises that were in store for me, within the cardboard cache!! The order I'd placed with Ben was finally here! She was kind enough to send me a catalog of her wares and I was excited to test the goodies out personally.

If Ben ever tries to sell you something I fondly call "stemcells", take her up on the offer! Man, do those wonderful little bits of flavor enhance any meal! Yumms! My first foray into this realm of exotic, er gourment cooking, took place the next day. I'd been craving nachos, something fierce, so decided that was my meal of choice. First off, one has to realize I do not know how to create a small plate of nachos. To me, a small plate of nachos is just as ridiculous as going to Costco & asking to
buy a "little wine". The larger the portion, the better the nachos will taste.

For this particular plate of my fave foodstuff, I chose to use tuna, instead of beef or chicken. Ya, don't laugh until you've tasted it, kids. I use the packets of the flavored tuna... in this case, the Garlic and Herb tuna (the stuff that comes in the pouches) as my meat. My tortilla chips were carefully scattered upon the platter, followed by teensy mounds of the G&H Tuna. I used the entire package of the tuna, knowing I'd be munching on this meal for a couple of days, at least. After thoroughly covering the chips with my tuna, I added slices of black olive, green pepper, green onions and a variety of cheese. My preferences were/are: feta, crumbled bleu cheese and some cheddar jack... all mixed into a great haystack of cheese. Nuked the piled up plate of deilight and finally added a thick salsa, chunks of wonderful fresh avacado and some sour cream.
a pic before the nuke job.

T'hen the following the nuclear intervention. This is the point in time where one adds the delicous stemcells! Ya, I neglected taking a photograph of the stemcell enhanced nachos, but believe me - they were probably some of the best I've ever created to date! That's it kids - ask Ben about her stemcells! I highly recommend them and a lot of the other stuff that was in her catalog. :lurgle:

On another note - I figured it's about time I share a photo of myself with my friends here.... and was able to talk Spouse into trying his hand at my camera. Do you think I should participate in that "hair poll" that ShadowRose mentioned not long ago? You tell me...

Hey - there's a very pretty little girl, who is going to be celebrating her birthday in a month. I was thinking how neat it might be if she got lots of wonderful birthday wishes, from around the world, on that day..... so if you agree, here is where you can add your greetings! C'mon... it'll only take you a couple of minutes to bring some joy to her special day - you can do it!

:pandalove:

Hello planet. These past several days have kept me busier than a one-armed paperhanger! On Wednesday, Spouse decided he wanted to go check out a tractor that he found in the paper. It was only a mere 112 miles away, so what the heck. Neither of us had been to this town, so we hopped in the little red toylet and :car: drove off on our adventure. The trip there was pleasant, good winds and a few light rainshowers, just enough to cool things down a bit. Nice drive there. Spouse played on a few tractors and did that haggling thing with the salesman about the prices, while I clutched the purse strings tightly. Sadly, (for Spouse) we left without the prospect of a tractor in the near future. Those suckers cost more than our car payments combined!!

On a pleasant note, however, we came upon a delightful little cafe, when we took a different route home. If you are ever in Miller, South Dakota - you've got to stop in at the Ranch Cafe. It's one of those tiny little mom/pop places that looks very simple. It is simple, in fact, with basic tables and worn carpet, but it was also very clean. Nice bathrooms, if that's an issue. The thing that surprised Spouse & I the most was the food. Oh goodness! Better than mom used to make! If you ever want a slice of pie to die for - this is the joint! I tried the coconut creme, while Spouse had the peaches and cream pie. My pie had a merangue (sp?) topping that was out of this world delicious. It melted in my mouth, was not sickly sweet and had a perfect hint of oven brown to the tops of the peaks. Omigourd! I should have taken a picture, but it was sooo beautiful, I had to eat it then & there. Ya, kiddos, I'm raving about a slice of freaking pie, but the maker of those pies should have her face on a box in everyone's freezers. It was THAT good! Spouse loved his pie, too... said the entire trip was worth that slice of pie. Don't know if we'll ever drive 224 miles round trip, just for another slice of the Ranch Cafe pie, but it's very tempting!

Got my rings picked up the next day - woohoo! They are so beautiful! It feels good to be wearing a token of our vows on my left hand again. These are even nicer than the original pair Spouse gave to me. Ya, that's a good thing. I did other stuff on that day, but I've slept since then, so it's mostly forgotten. oh well... Oh wait! I nearly did forget - one other thing I did was drop in at the sporting goods store and put a nice father's day gift on layaway for Spouse. I wasn't able to buy it for him, because of the straw law. Besides, I wasn't sure if what I picked out was something he really wanted. This way, he could always exchange it for something else... right? Right!

On Friday, I headed down to Sioux Falls to puppysit Franco & Bronx, two of our grandpuppies. They were so excited to see their grandma walk in the door! Spent the weekend there, staying indoors mostly, except to drive someplace for hot coffee and for my meals. It was toooooo cold to go to any of the parks and I wasn't feeling kind of good, so we used up our together time watching a bunch of movies and playing in the backyard. That was a nice weekend. I headed home Sunday morning and was glad the wind had died down. It didn't take as long to get home as the drive downto Sioux Falls had taken. The winds on Friday were horrific, making me burn a half a tank of gas, just to get there, when it normally only takes a quarter of a tank!

Monday, Spouse & I headed back to Watertown to run some errands - the most important one being his picking up his father's day gift. Well, as it turns out, he really didn't like THAT gun, but he did find another that he'd been wanting for years. So, that's the one he filled out the paperwork on! Of course, the gun guy had to call it in, to make sure Spouse was just a nice guy getting a gun, not some Filthy McNasty character. Poor Spouse had to go home sans his new toy.

So - today, Tuesday, he got the call to come pick it up, while I was at my doctor's appointment. Had the same doc as last time, but I went in with a better attitude toward him. Figured he deserved a chance, since I wasn't feeling at all good the first time I saw him. It was a good visit with the doc - I had myself tested for diabetes and was glad to learn that I don't have it... yet. My score was 5.9 and the doc said his cutoff score is 6.0. We discussed some dietary issues, so that I can continue to lose weight and get my body back into shape. It was great to hear I'd lost some weight too! vavavavoom, ya? Then I headed home, picked up spouse and we got his new gun... it's so cute, for a 9mm machine gun looking thing! Don't ask me what it really is - I just know it's cute.

:lurgle:

I thought I'd share some pix taken last summer, just before a storm hit us. It's that time of year again, here, so there ought to be fodder for more good pix this year... I hope! The storm warnings we had yesterday reminded me of these pix! Enjoy ~~~

Is it time to duck and cover?


Wait for the breeze....


May we go to the basement, NOW, dear?


This particular storm brought some serious weather, but we were fortunate in that there were no tornadoes in the clouds above. At least, not for us. It certainly had my attention, though!

:llamagirl:
I just hope that Onyx still feels that way about me. One might easily think so, even if the new "do" isn't very flattering. The past couple of days have been spent rigging together a shearing pen, capturing my llamas and putting their "bras" on them and starting the shearing process.

It wasn't extremely difficult to rig up a shearing pen, but then again, it certainly looks "rigged". In the future, I hope to have it looking a little nicer, with the inside wall enclosed with the same wire as the outer wall, as well as a better gate system on each end. For now, what I stuck together seems adequate for getting the job done. The kids need their summer haircuts & this is gonna help get the job done.


Yesterday was a good day for shearing, not too incredibly hot and only a gentle breeze blowing, for the most part. The kids were enjoying the lazy morning under the trees when I ventured out to begin the shearing process. I recently purchased 2 extra sets of clippers, so that I'd have 3 sets total. Thought that would make the job go much swifter.


With little trouble at all, I managed to capture Onyx first. She's always the easiest to catch, especially if there are treats involved. We're so much alike, my Onyx & me. Her fiber (hair) was really getting thick, so she really needed her shearing. Actually, she's the only one I've ever shorn, so far, because Stryker never cooperates when it comes to the buzz cut and Mardi has not been lead-rope trained yet. Both of those reasons are in the process of changing though. Anyhow, Onyx is a good girl, very cooperative, as far as cooperative llamas tend to be. Here's a before pic -->


The shearing process took a lot longer than I'd anticipated, mostly because the two new sets of clippers didn't work worth llama beans. Hence, I ended up using the good set of clippers for the most part, using my hand shears for the remainder. I need to remind myself to buy some more blades and see if I can find another good set of clippers at a decent price soon. No idea what I can do with the two crappy sets, because I got them via mail order & no longer have the paperwork that accompanied them. *dammit!* They might be good enough for doing dog hair or something like that, but just aren't heavy duty enough for shearing thick wooly fibers. Maybe I can trade a groomer to trim Muffin's toenails for the clippers. I'd trim his nails myself, but every time I approach his foot with the nail clippers, he's lets loose with a stream of yellow aguafear *he pisses in my hand!!*. Every time! Stop laughing - I get pretty soaked after twenty toenails! :p I digress... Onyx was setting a terrific example for Mardi, who has yet to be shorn. I know I'm going to need the extra clippers when it comes to Mardi, because she's not going to sit still for that business for long. I'm ashamed to admit it, but she's really not that hand tame yet. We're working on it, however, and by summer's end, she should be quite adjusted to being on the lead and to being handled.

Onyx really began to enjoy having her hot fiber shorn away. After about an hour of buzzing it off, she started humming to me, letting me know she was quite content to shed the extra 15 pounds of heavy fiber! Very cool girl, my Onyx is! And here she is, freshly shorn (still needs a bath & brushing, though) -->


By the time I finished up with Onyx, it was 7 p.m. and Spouse was getting a tad cranky. He gets that way when he's hungry, but then again, so do I! It's been sprinkling off and on today, so I'll spend the day taking care of other business and trying to find some more clippers that will work - both on the llama fiber and in my budget. Besides, my body is still aching from standing in my cowgirl boots all day yesterday. Maybe sensible shoes are called for this afternoon?

:lurgle: Yesterday was an incredible day!!! Spouse & I went to Watertown for a few things from the bigger grocery stores, because he gets that cute senior discount on Wednesdays. We'll take the savings any way we can, kids and the extra 5% off the total can really add up sometimes! So, he drove yesterday, while I managed to enhance my eyes with a little color, en route. We got to Watertown, safely enough and it was neat to see his driving is now much better than it had been earlier in the year. For awhile there, it was amazing if he were even able to remain awake for a trip to Clark, let alone anyplace beyond ten miles from home! I was feeling pretty happy, believe me, knowing that in the future my beloved might be able to venture out to the store more often. Very cool thing, indeed!!

So - here comes the good part, IMO. His niece is graduating next week, so we wanted to get her something nice. Bear in mind, one of his other sisters, not the mother of the graduate, has been in touch with us & was helping me put a nice gift together for the niece. That gift is on its' way to us & we'll forward it from here. Anyway, the mall is in the block next to the grocery store and I've been meaning to run into the vision store to have my specs adjusted. I reminded Spouse of this and he mentioned wanting to run into the sports shop for more ammo. He pulled the Toylet into the mall parking and we ventured inside together.

The main door foyer is flanked by two jewelry shops, so the poor man doesn't stand a chance. One way or another, he's going to have to endure my walking past the bling bling, wiping the saliva from my quivering chin. He does so, quite kindly, nodding his head in agreement to this pretty bauble or that shiny something. This time, we both just sort of fell right into a self-imposed trap, ensnared by the sparklies in the outer windows. I paused long enough to ask him what he thought about finding maybe a little something, on our own, to include with this graduation gift we're sending his niece. After all, there was a terrific sale going on and we saw some wonderfully priced options. That started it and it escalated from there....

We turned the corner, to head toward the vision store, when I noticed a lovely pair of earrings that made my heart flutter. If you know me by now, you know my fave stone is Tanzanite. If you are sick of yours, feel free to send it to me and it will have a good home, I promise. Next on my top 5 list comes sapphires, then diamonds, and I'm flexible on the rest as long as it is gorgeous. Before anyone goes and starts accusing me of being materialistic, bear in mind that Spouse was the reason I've developed a fondness of all things gold and precious. He was the first man who ever, EVER, bought me jewelry with real gems and the gifts he gave me are incredibly fantastic. Yes, this dirt rich llama farmer has some fairly nice stuff tucked away in the jewelry box and the safe. The exchange is even tho, because I know he loves his guns, hence I'm always scoring the big points when I okay the purchase of a new one for him. The jewelry I pick out for myself is never outrageously priced, nor is it obnoxiously huge. I prefer simple, clean cuts and settings that will blind you.

Back to the earrings... when I saw these, I showed them to Spouse and he said I should get them. We nearly forgot all about the niece at that point! These earrings are so sweet - tiny dragonflies with amethyst and tanzanite wings, pretty little diamonds for the body. Very simple, very pretty & we got them for a very good sale price. As I asked the sales clerk to set them aside, Spouse wandered toward the watches.

He mentioned wanting a new pocket watch, so I encouraged him to explore the choices in the display. Meanwhile, I began searching again for a grad gift. I found it, too. The store had some very pretty necklaces, the round pendants which are so popular right now. The thing is, tnh niece prefers silver and her fav color is blue. What we finally settled on was a beautiful sterling silver pendant with created blue sapphires. Hopefully, this gift will be perfect for her!

Once I had that purchase out of the way, I began to peruse the wedding sets. Perhaps my friends here will recall when I mentioned (back at modblog) the time Spouse had driven to Missoula in our little green pickup truck and returned home in the big, maroon suburban. What he didn't know was my wedding set was under the driver's seat, because I'd taken it with me to WA on a visit & planned on getting it repaired. I had gotten home from the trip the night before Spouse took the little truck in for the trade. Of course, I called the dealership, but nobody claimed finding my wedding rings. Hence, I haven't had a wedding ring since. Ya, it's just a ring, but they had sooo much sentimental value! That was a kind of rough period for us back then, with my best friend committing suicide, Spouse was on yet another round of the chemotherapy and we lived in that shitty trailer. I think that was when my depression began to set in, but I hadn't really recognized it then.

Anyhoo, I didn't really think I'd be getting anything for myself besides the earrings, because I really wanted Spouse to have his new watch. So, my viewing the wedding rings was just for "fun", right? Uh huh.... er, ah, eh... what? Spouse told me to go ahead and see if we qualified for credit at the store and we did. He got his watch, the earrings and then he insisted I pick out new wedding rings. Wahooooo!!! I am soooo excited! Yes, kiddies, LadyVisine can barely contain her joy, because I have a new set of wedding rings being sized and soldered, to be picked up by Friday of next week. Damn, this is going to be one verrrrry long week! The nicest thing about this set is the solitaire has 6 prongs, instead of 4. That ought to protect it a lot better than the old set with just 4 prongs. Learn as you go along, I guess.

My hubby is thrilled to have gotten the rings for me, which makes it all the better. He's been wanting to get a tractor, but decided we can wait another year for one of those. Bless his humongous heart! I was nearly skipping out of the store with the bag of our purchases, as we strolled over to the sporting goods store. He got some ammo for his guns and I even bought some shells for my Walthur .380. After we bought the ammo, we stopped for a great lunch in a Am/mex restaurant. Then we got our groceries and came home. It was a wonderful day, mostly because we were able to go do so much TOGETHER. Just like when we first got married. Very cool.

Today is a beautiful day, with the weather sunny, soft breezes and the plethora of wildbirds serenading outside my window. In the near distance, a woodpecker drills away on an old tree, his hammering sounding more like a gentle snore than a power drill. The sky is a brilliant shade of blue and the puffy white clouds are few. It should be a great day to get the remainder of my flower bulbs planted and to put the cantelope starts in the ground. If there is time, I'll be able to tackle the overgrowth that is around the iris patch. That spot is my least favorite to tend, due to the prickly nettles and thistles which grow wild and abundantly in that same spot. Still, I do want to get them thinned out, before they go to seed. That would only encourage more of the "bad seeds" to propogate. Not a good idea.

I'm so danged happy today, I think that once I get that gardening stuff done, I'm gonna shoot something. Just got to find my paper targets!

:lurgle:

:tiggeryuck: For the past few days, I've been a very sick :puppy: . Spouse has had to be my :needlenurse: . Not sure, but think it was food poisoning, or else some asshat passed on a horrid intestinal bug to me. Since Spouse hasn't gotten sick & I've been trying to lose weight on this new diet, we're both guessing it was something I ate. *as in no more bagged salads for this cat* Not that I'd recommend a case of salmonella to anyone who is trying to lose any poundage, but I did manage to flush 8 pounds away in a single night.... if you're interested in a crash diet, that is. It was exhausting, horrid and very humbling, to have to rely on my darling Spouse to take care of me for awhile. He did a great job of it, too.

He has been doing a little better each day, as I've mentioned previously, so it was a relief to know he was able to function while I was down for the count. Of course, it did have to flare up on Friday, to get full tilt blurpie an hour after the local clinic closed. NO way was I about to have Spouse drive me to the emergency room in Watertown... no way I could have made the trip without needing him to find me a secluded tree to squat behind anyway. So, I stayed home and Spouse took care of everything. I'm really sort of glad I got sick, because now we both know he is able to do a bit more than I've thought he could handle.

I was finally able to get some real sleep yesterday and awoke to the wonderful smell of steak, potatoes and corn on the cob. Not that any of it was even close to consumable for me, yet. I tried a small dish of the mashed spuds and they were my friend for about an hour... then, well... to tell you would be more than you want to hear. Spouse had gone to Watertown to get me some Sierra Mist, because I wanted something for my upset tumbly & 7up was too sweet. He returned home, with a ton of groceries, and was putting them away when I went to bed. He cooked that lovely porterhouse while I was aleep and was enjoying it immensely when I awoke. I'm so proud of him! :loveyou:

Today, I was feeling a lot better, but still gutyuccky, with the vvuurrrps not tasting half as nasty as the previous days. They are still there, so I'm sticking to a bland diet for the next couple of days. Anyhoo - Spouse took care of lots of stuff outside today - the 3rd day in a row - including watering my llamas. The nice thing about llamas is they can go for about 3 days without water, if need be... but I really don't like them to have to go without that much. I know how much I appreciate a long cold drink on a hot day - every day! So, I like to water my babies every day... it's only right. While I was sick, however, they went without until today. They were so glad to see my honey with the hose! :D

I've no idea what I've missed over the past few days, sans the news about the VA losing a boatload of veterans info - but that's another blog & I'll probably be ranting on it very soon. Til then kiddos, hope you have a safe Memorial Day weekend - remember those who have passed on before us. And most important - don't eat the salmon, Ella. :hotflash:

How does she find these fun things??? Here's my DNA, if ya care. :llamakick;



You are a Leader

Your solid grounding in the practicalities of life, along with your self-assuredness and your willingness to appreciate new things make you a LEADER.

You're in touch with what is going on around you and adept at remaining down-to-earth and logical.

Although you're detail-oriented, this doesn't mean that you lose the big picture.

You tend to find beauty in form and efficiency, as opposed to finding it in broad-based, abstract concepts.

Never one to pass on an adventure, you're consistently seeking and finding new things, even in your immediate surroundings.

Because of this eagerness to pursue new experiences, you've learned a lot; your attention to detail means that you gain a great deal from your adventures.

The intellectual curiosity that drives you leads you to seek out causes of and reasons behind things.

Your confidence gives you the potential to take your general awareness and channel it into leadership.

You're not set on one way of doing things, and you often have the skills and persistence to find innovative ways of facing challenges.

You are well-attuned to your talents, and can deal with most problems that you face.

Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts

You tend to do things on the spur of the moment, not sticking to a set schedule.

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

how you relate to others
You are Respectful

Your reserved nature, understanding of the world, and faith in others make you RESPECTFUL.

You trust those around you to do the right thing, so you tend not to get involved in other people's affairs.

You have fewer friendships than some, but the relationships you do have are very meaningful and important to you.

Your careful and practical observation of your environment has led you to understand that others' situations can be very complex.

Because of this, you are slow to pass judgments on others, even if sometimes you can't see what it is about certain things that upsets them.

You tend to enjoy the world through ideas and reflection, which allows you to get a lot out of the time you spend alone.

Your friends would describe you as laid-back and easy-going.

As someone who is calm and centered, you aren't likely to rush into things—this patience allows you to see many different perspectives and options.

Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts

You tend to do things on the spur of the moment, not sticking to a set schedule.

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.



How true is it? You tell me.

This morning, I figured it's a good time to update, before the old CRMS *can't recall most stuff* erases my data for good. The past week has been a good one, for the most part. On Wednesday, I finally went in to see the local doctor about my back pain. Spouse went with me and I invited him to join me in the examination room. He was a good sport about going, seeing as his new dentures had been causing him pain, so he had to go toothless.

This was the second time I've been to this clinic in town, the first time to see this particular doctor. The other doc that Spouse used to see has moved his practise to Watertown, so my options, as far as local were concerned, were limited. I had thought it would be great to have a small town doctor..... rriiigggghhhht? Let's give this doc the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I was being sensitive that day. Maybe we were interrupting an office party at 3 p.m. I dunno. Whatever the reasons, we (Spouse was furious at this doc) both felt as if we both were invisible and mute, while the doc was in the room. What is it about doctors who ask questions and then stop listening after the first two or three words? This is exactly what this doc did! He inquired about my reason for coming in and as soon as I began an attempt to explain, he started asking other questions. He never once inquired about the history of my back's health, nor any other such histories. He left the room more than once and we heard him yukking it up with the staff outside the door. I swear it sounded like they were really having a party of some sort. That's fine & dandy, but fuck!! I'm going to be charged good money for half-assed service - something I really resent!!!

Eventually, the doctor did return to the room, with a couple of pamphlets on exercises to strengthen the back. "Uh... hey, dr. asshat - I've been doing those exercises for years & my back still has problems." "Well, it's obvious, Mrs. T. - you're fat and you need to diet & exercise, so your back won't hurt anymore." Spouse was floored when the good doc stated this, but kept his mouth shut. The doc did give me some flexoril and an anti-inflammatory for my back, but that was the basic visit we had with him. I mentioned being tested for diabetes, too and he had his receptionist schedule another visit for that.

After discussing the entire visit with Spouse, on the way home and later this week, I am pretty sure that second appointment will be canceled. It's no wonder I loathe going to the doctors. This doc wasn't a skinnymarvin, either... so it sucks my son wasn't along to point out the obvious to the doc, eh? My main grump here is that it pisses me off to have to pay for those kind of bullshit doctor visits. Hell, I already know I'm overweight and have been working on losing it for a couple of weeks now. So far, my body is 5 pounds lighter, since the beginning of my diet and exercise routine alterations! That's a good thing. As for doctors in the future... only when I have to get some pills refilled... otherwise, I'm going to have to be dragged in to see that asshat quack again!

****************

Got the lawnmower running again! This is a big deal, since we have such a huge yard & the grass grows as fast as gasoline prices keep rising! I was on my way home from a grub run in town, when I spotted a strange pickup truck in the neighbor's driveway. There weren't any other vehicles around that I recognized, so - being the good neighbor - I pulled in behind the mystery truck to be sure no one was robbing our good neighbors. It was their young son's new truck, I learned, after knocking on the back door. He must have just gotten it, having a good job and all, now.

Anyhoo - I asked if he was busy & would he like to earn a little extra cash. Told him about the belt coming off of the lawnmower and I have the manual. Nice kid, he agrees to help and I toodle off towards home. He soon pulls into the yard, in his shiny new pickemup truck and was peering under the lawnmower before I could blink twice. What a great kid! I handed the manual to him, showed him which belt was off the pulleymabobs and he got to work. Heck, I hadn't even brought any tools out, yet! With a grunt, an oomph and a ooh, my arm is stuck, the lad had the belt back in place! I jumped on board the machine and it started right up. No problems there anyway... duh! The real test was to see if it would venture forward and backward. It did!! Hooray!! What a wonderful neighbor this kid is... I should call him a young man, since that's more correct. He's growing into a good man *ain't hard to look at either!* and is a credit to the human race. The remainder of that day & the next were spent mowing the yard. woot!


**********
:bikeride: When Spouse first came to SD to make the final decision about which home we were buying, he bought me a bicycle. It sort of came with the house we now live in, as the previous owners were having a garage sale the weekend Spouse came over to view the homes I'd said were okay enough. Anyhow, he bought a few things from the people, one of them being my bike. It's not a fancy bike, no extra speeds or shifters, not even a bell or horn. It's been leaning against a support beam in the barn since we moved here, covered in bird dooky and spider webs. The tires are both flat and it needs a major clean-up. Working on getting my bike into shipshape has been put on hold for way too long.

Saturday, Spouse wanted to go to Watertown to get a couple of his guns tooled, so the chamber would spin better. While in the city, we stopped at a sporting goods store he had wanted to explore (cuz they might have guns, ya know) for some new tires, tubes and a bicycle seat. Also, got myself a new pair of sneakers, since my last pair was eaten by some pups. The goal is to get the bike into shape, so that I can whip my own bod back into a decent shape. A little more curvy, rather than the roundish shape I now am. Anyway, the bike has been pulled from the barn to the great outdoors and is on the back deck. The majority of the bird poo has been hosed off & it's awaiting a thorough scrubbing. All of the new stuff sits in the back of my car, ready to assemble. I'm really excited about having this simple bike! :bikeride: Here's a pic of it, all dirty and waiting for it's rebirth!!!



************

A friend of ours gave us a really adorable mailbox last year for our new home. It looks like our dogs, when you look at it from the front. From the side, it isn't easy to determine what the thing is, but that's okay with me. I love this darling mailbox and have been peeved with Spouse for not getting it in place sooner. Someone had shot our old mailbox recently, so any time it rained, the mail got soaked! On Friday, while Spouse was riding around the yard on the mower, I grabbed my hammer and other tools. There were a couple of chores that really needed done & I decided to just do them myself, rather than wait for my love to get around to them. This was the first time I've ever done anything like remove the old box and install a new one. If I'd known how easy it was to accomplish, my new mailbox would have been put up long, long ago!! Isn't it the cutest mailbox? :loveyou:


************

About a month ago, I looked at the tabs on our vehicles, to see when we needed to replace them. The stickers on each rig had November 2005 as the date, so I thought I had until Nov. 2006 to get them replaced. Obviously, not one of my brighter moments. We were in Sioux Falls on Wednesday, so Spouse could get his new teeth adjusted. Once our business at the Veteran's hospital was done, we were looking for a restaurant to eat lunch. We were driving up one of the main streets, when I had to stop for a red light. There was a police car behind us and one on the passenger side of the car. Spouse was watching the cop in the car next to us, as he answered his cell and began laughing. The policeman motioned for Spouse to roll his window down. I turned the radio off and the nice policeman made a funny comment.... "Lady, your tabs expired in November of 2005. You might want to go pick up some new ones!" Gulp! Thank goodness, it was near the time for the shift change and the two cop cars were en route to the station house (I guess), because it's a whopping $75 fine if the cop had an attitude. You can bet your sweet grass I was embarrassed and got the new tabs and plates for all three rigs the very next day.

Remember the tools I took outside to install the mailbox? I did the plates and tabs on the car, 'burb and pickup truck - all by myself. Those are the sort of chores I'd always managed to get somebody else to do, so I'm feeling very proud of myself for getting the job done on my own. Who knew it was so easy? :confused:

*************

There probably is a lot more stuff I've already forgotten I wanted to write about, but it's been a good week & this can be enough. All in all, it's kind of neat that I have been learning how to do some really simple things, when I set my mind up to get them done. The next time the belt comes off the mower, I'll have a better idea how to repair it.

:lurgle:

Okay, kiddos - just for curiousity, I jumped on these bandwagons, too.....

My Johari thingamabob

My Nohari Whatchamajigger

Ya, I'm slow, but finally figured out (sorta) how they work. If I find you have one, I'll fill in the blanks... feel free to post a link to yours in the comments, too!

Toodles & lurgles, kids!
:llamagirl:

:hapmomday:

Yesterday, Spouse and I drove down to the VA hospital, so he could get the last of his natural teeth pulled. It was a beautiful day and the drive was pleasant. I was really happy about this appointment of his for a couple of reasons... Number one - he was getting those bad teeth out of his head, so maybe his health might improve & no. 2 - it was one of those days when I could let him off at the door, then drive off to spend the day shopping or whatever! No sense in my hanging around while he got the teeth pulled, was fitted for his dentures and then wait for his other appointment at 2 p.m. Spouse has been showing so much improvement lately, that I was perfectly comfortable in leaving him alone for a few hours. Very cool!! :D

Anyhoo - my couple of hours of respite went quickly, by hitting a couple of garage sales (got an entire box of yarn for knitting, for less than $15!! going to split it between my sis & two SILs - who all knit &/or crochet) Saw a wonderful bicycle-built-for-two that I wanted, but the car wasn't long enough to haul it home. Damn - should've had them hold it & gone back for it today. ah well.... Visited my grandpups that live in SF and they were thrilled to see me. Getting to see them & their "parents" is always such a joy for me, when I can get down there. Did some grocery shopping, gassed up for the trip home and then returned to the hospital for my darling.

Anyways - because Spouse was getting his new dentures, I was reminded of a couple of memories that are related, whilst out & about on my freeforall adventure. When sis and I were in Oklahoma, cleaning on mom's house after she died, I discovered the porcelain dish with mom's dentures inside. For some weird reason, it bothered me that her teeth were there, with no body to associate them with any longer. I spent hours wondering if there was any sort of organization that might "collect" unused dentures to hand out to poor people in third world countries. I know "they" do that with eyeglasses and cell phones, so why not dentures, huh? Before I knew it, I was back home and busy into our routines and semi-forgot about the dentures.

Sis went back to Oklahoma last month, to oversee the remainder of dealing with mom's house and belongings. There was an auction and the belongings were boxed up, randomly for the sale. A few days ago, Sis & I were on the phone and mom's dentures came up in the discussion. When she told me she didn't get mom's teeth for me, the light bulb came on for us both simultaneously. Some stranger, at the auction, purchased a box that include my mother's dentures. Sis & I howled with laughter, imagining the new owner's surprise when they open that cute little porcelain container that holds a dead lady's dentures!!! I only hope those teeth bring as much laughter into that person's life as they did mine.

Back when I was in the 7th grade, many hundreds of years ago, my mom was working a split shift as a waitress for the local Holiday Inn Restaurant. She worked hard, since Daddy was over in Korea and he rarely sent enough money for us to get by. One afternoon, mom came home from working the morning portion of her shift and decided to take a short nap on the sofa. Her dentures had been bothering her, so she slipped them out and set them on the coffee table. We girls went outside to play, so the house would be quiet for her nap.

About an hour later, we were drawn back inside the house by the loud cursing and screams of our mom. We (the three sisters) stood in the doorway and saw our toothless mother on her hands and knees, searching under the sofa, all the while screaming, "Shit! Shit! Shit! Where are my damned teeth?!!!" Try to not laugh at the visual, because we were very afraid to laugh at that moment. We joined the search and eventually found her lovely toofums, which had been abducted by our two resident dauchshunds. Doc & Gigi had discovered the teeth on the coffee table, while mom snoozed and decided they were some sort of new, wonderful chew toys. One half of the set was discovered on my mom's bed, way beneath the covers.... Doc's favorite hiding place when he was being naughty. The other half we found, finally, behind the claw foot bathtub, back where a long, skinny dog could hide & chew for hours contentedly. Mom was late for her evening shift, but she was able to arrive with her mouth full again. We were so relieved that she found them, especially in those odd locations, because Mom had been blaming us for trying to pull a not very funny joke on her. If she hadn't been running so late for her shift, I'm sure she would have strangled the dogs.. at least, she would have bitten them good!

Later on, as an adult, I finally reached a point where I needed dentures of my own. None of the women on my mom's side of the family have ever enjoyed the pleasure of healthy teeth, no matter how diligenty we tried good dental care. I got my dentures and took a short week-end vacation to see a dear friend who was living in Portland, at that time. Gary had gotten his dentures just a couple of years prior to me, so he offered to let me come down for some R&R, while I adjusted. The first evening there, he was very helpful with sharing his experiences... including the tale of the time he'd gone to a very fancy restaurant with is life companion Jere', not long after he got his. He was still not quite used to his dentures and was laughing at something Jere' had told him, when he suddenly began to swallow and choke on his lower plate. Jere', still laughing, didn't realize that his boyfriend was choking, until the waiter calmly rushed to Gary's aid. This wonderful waiter lifted Gary out of his chair, performed the heimlich maneuver and out popped Gary's bottom dentures! They flew across the table, over Jere's shoulder and landed on someone's plate at the next table. Not quite a scene from "Pretty Woman", but close enough. *I suppose some sort of heinylick manuevers were traded later, with the nice waiter.*

Anyhoo - (ya, this is long, but hey - beats reading it in separate episodes, okay?) that evening, I slept on the sleeper sofa in Gary & Jere's living room. Their precious Boxer, Kona, snuggled up next to me and we drifted off to sleep. In the morning, I couldn't find my dentures, which was very strange, considering I'd slept with them in! Of course, given my history with false teeth, I immediately questioned Kona, poor baby. They had come out, or I'd removed them during my slumber, and had slunk to the depths of the inner sleeper sofa. Fortunately, I didn't have to search as far for mine as my mom once did, but it was ironic that my own teeth took me down such a similar path.

All of these memories came to me, as I zipped about Sioux Falls yesterday, while Spouse was getting his own dentures. He is adjusting to them nicely and his smile is beautiful, once again. He fought getting them, for many years, not willing to accept the damage done to his enamel by the chemotherapy. Today, he admitted being very happy & thrilled to attempt smiling again. Kudos to the folks who are blessed with healthy fangs for their entire life. What was such a joke to me, as a child, is now not so embarrassing and simply part of how I'm growing old.

Besides, there ARE some pretty cool things about having dentures!

If you have a toothache, you can put it in a glass and watch it hurt.
You'll most likely be able to finally touch your nose with your tongue, when you take them out.
No more dentist drills!!!
Some men REALLY like relationships ;) with women who can remove their teeth.

Ya, life is good, my honey is happy and we're both into a totally new gumming experience! :kisses:

:llamagirl:

Well, I did it good today - finally figured out how to get the grass catcher hooked up to the lawn mower & was using it, instead of raking. I did try raking, but the wind was blowing so strongly, most of it just blew every which direction. THAT got old, really quick! The llamas were enjoying the couple of boxes I tossed into their pens, so I wanted to try to get the rest of the grass up for them.

Once I got the grass catcher hooked up, I succeeded in filling 4 bags of the fresh greens for my babies. Very cool. I was just going to drive the lawnmower over to the pens, for dumping bags 3 & 4, when I heard a "sproooiiiinnnggg!!!" noise beneath the seat. My foot was on the accelerator, but the machine refused to move. The bags were full, so I hoped perhaps, there was some sort of failsafe that made the mower not move, if the bags were too full. Hence, I carried the bags across the yard (big yard, folks):hotday: and dumped them. Still no forward, or reverse, for that matter. *sighs*

So, I climbed off the machine again, removed the grass catcher that was so perfectly attached... finally... and peeked under the frame. There it is, in full glory - a lovely belt, just laying there & not working at all. Somehow, the belt came off and I have no frikkin clue how to get it back in place. It looks as if the entire frame must come off, in order for me to reach the components that the belt moves. Do I look like a mechanic? I couldn't shit you a mechanic if I ate nuts & bolts for dinner, folks.

Oh well, Spouse said he would try to look at it soon. Don't know what good that would do, especially since he really doesn't have the strength to do mechanics anymore. I've tweaked my back, pretty seriously, so this ought to prove to be quite a comedy - the two of us trying to fix the lawn mower. Shoot, it was all the two of us could do to push the thing across the lawn to the grainery out back of the house. Of course, I was clear in the front yard, right up near the road.

For now, I'm just crossing my fingers that it doesn't rain too soon, but the forecast doesn't sound too appealing. Remind me to get an appointment set up with the doctor for my back. It's been out for way too long (since last year) and it's not getting any better. I guess it's going to require some expert help. Damitol!!! :hotflash:

Last night I was up, since I took a nap, late in the afternoon, and couldn't sleep. Tried to figure out how to change my blog's appearance a bit, so it's more symetrical to the eye. Also, added my purple llama, Lurgle, of course! Go ahead and feed him, make him hummmm love songs to you! How some of you manage to make your blogs so beautiful, is beyond me, but I'm trying & that's what counts.

Today is going to be a busy day - gots an entire yard to rake *read that as in: oh my aching shoulders/back!!!*, but the llamas are going to get a great feast from my labors. Have flowers to plant and goodness knows what else. My diet has officially started today, as well. With Spring here & so much that needs done outside, as well as indoors, my body will be getting lots of exercise. Seems to me, that's a great time to begin a diet. Not a major diet that includes mass starvation, but more of a sensible one that has me eating more of the right stuff that burns fat. If only my body fat would melt like butter, when it's out in the sun! That would be a fair life, I think.

Another thing I have to try to do is keep Spouse off of his feet. The ademia (swelling) has returned and is traveling up his legs again. That has me very worried. It isn't easy for him to sit idly by, watching me do all of the work. We have to get our website back up and running, so maybe I'll have him write up some pages of text to add where it was lost. Those blank pages are an eyesore! Sure wish I'd had a better system of backing up before those pages were lost to the cyberdryer... you know - that place where the cybersocks disappear?

Anyhoo - have patience, please, with the progress of my blog's appearance here. It's a work in progress - just like me. :kisses: :kisses: :pandalove:

Okay, so I'm not a liar... here's the llama -->:llamabanana: A little further down in the post, you can see my dhali. ;)

here's my doll.... just add a few too many pounds and make the hair hip length - that's about as close to me as you'll get. If that tiny dog was a darker brown, you'd get an idea of how Muffin gets spoiled around here.


Blue had this cool caricature face on her blog, so I made one. It looks close enough to the real deal, folks.




Avatar Maker

It's probably fair to say that Spring is finally here, winter has packed and left us for a few months. No more signs of snow, at least, not in our yard. The few flakes we endured last week don't count, since it resembled dandruff on the dogs more than anything else. I'm all sorts of okay with that kind of snow. The arrival of Spring has introduced us to another season here in the Dakotas, a season which I hate with every fiber of my being.

Almost everyone who knows me, knows and understands how very much I hate bugs, especially if they are in my home or worse yet, crawling on ME! It's more than hate, actually. This is far more like an intense phobia. If there were someplace on this planet, someplace warm, where there were NO bugs, I'd move there in a heartbeat. Spouse and the critters are welcome to come along, if they wish.

My older sister used to throw Granddaddy Long Leg spiders on me, when we were little. She used to chase me with mice and other such icky creatures. I have forgiven her for the mice & the nice thing is, today she is terrified of spiders and will call upon me, if I'm in the vicinity, to kill the spiders that scare her. In fact, when we were cleaning my mom's house, after she died, there were two occassions when my sis screamed for me to come running. There was a huge spider and she begged me to kill it. So, I grabbed a yardstick and tried to squish the spider in half. That only resulted in the belly bursting open and thousands of baby spiders swarming around us!! After that happened the second time, she quit asking me to kill the spiders for her. I could not have planned a better revenge, try as I might. ;)

Many years ago, when I was an older teen, some friends and I were hitchhiking through Denver, Colorado. My boyfriend, at the time, was one of these friends, btw. We'd been in Denver for a couple of days, doing odd jobs to feed ourselves and spending our nights at a monk's hostel. One fine & lovely day, we were walking through a beautiful park, enjoying the sun shining on our faces and the sweet smell of the freshly cut grass. I walked beneath the limbs of a pretty tree, when to my horror, a shitload of little wormlike monsters fell onto me. They were in my hair, all over my shirt and arms, on my shorts, legs and shoes. I was terrified and began to scream at my boyfriend to "GET 'EM OFF ME!!! GET 'EM OFF ME!!!"

Did he get them off of me? Not immediately. First, he laughed... and laughed and laughed, 'til tears were rolling down his cheeks. That hurt. Not untile he realized I was sobbing in fear, physically paralyzed by my terror and unable to touch the wormy monsters, did he begin to pick them off of me. I could not even touch the bugs... that's how bad the phobia is. They may be crawling all over me, but I cannot pick them off! Well, now that I've grown my fingernails out, I do flick them off, if possible.

Anyhoo - back to the "other" season.... it's now Tick season here. With the rain that has been making the grass grow, the warmer days and everything waking up in the great outdoors, we've begun to see ticks on the dogs again. I can't stand ticks... no matter what stage of life they are in. Last year, I did a bit of research on the nasty little buggers and learned when they are "babies", they have 6 legs, but as they mature, they grow 2 more legs. This means more bug legs to crawl over my flesh, when one comes in contact with my body. This is not a good thing.

Yes, our dogs get treated with the stuff, every month, for ticks, fleas & heartworm. The cats get treated, also. The thing here is, on the windy days, the ticks are flying through the air, landing where and when they please. It surprised the crap out of me last year, but this year it only took a day or two outdoors for me to remember. This is the time of year when we have to check our clothing, legs, shoes, etc. before we enter the home. They still get in, since our home is not a vacuum sealed house. I get the willies just thinking about them!

So, if you see me walking around, scratching invisible bugs and poking at myself with the extra long tweezers, don't worry. The tweezers are a part of my Spring wardrobe, since the flea & tick collars just aren't that fashionable. And, if you know me, love me and think it might be a great joke to toss a bug or a worm on me, think again. I can forgive a lot of harms done to me, but that is one intolerable cruelty I'd find very, very hard to forgive. Hooo boy, and just think, with the rain we've been having - mosquito season is right around the bend. That's another rant...

Earlier tonight, Spouse and I were enjoying a tv program together (CSI - Vegas), when the phone rang. Since my phone was the closest, I answered.

me: Hello?
caller: Hi Mrs. T****?
me: Yes?
caller: (perky voice) This is Olivia from the Kirby suckyerwalletdry company in Brkngs. How are you tonight?
me: Well, fine, Olivia. What can I do for you?
Olivia: Weeelllll, we'regoingtobeinyourareainthenextfewdays (inhale)andwouldliketosetupanappointmentoshampooyourcarpets!
me:But, Olivia, we don't have any carpet in our home. It's all wood floors.
Olivia: Oh! Um, then we'll be delighted to clean three pieces of furniture for you.
me: But, Olivia, we don't have any furniture. At least, not 3 pieces that need cleaned.
Olivia: Well, we could do what you do have.
me: But, Olivia, we have dogs that live in the home with us.
Olivia: Oh, I love dogs!!! They won't be a problem. Do they bite?
me: Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. Depends on whether we've fed them yet that day.
Olivia: Uh, couldn't you feed them the day of your appointment?
me: But, Olivia, my dogs don't like Kirby suckyerwalletdry salespeople or the machines. What will we do about that?
Olivia: Uhm... can you put them in the garage?
me: I don't think so. These are my "kids" you're asking me to put in the garage.
Olivia: Oh! Uhmmmm.... could you put them in a bedroom while we're there?
me: But, Olivia, that wouldn't be very fun for them.
Olivia: Excuse me?
me: I'll tell you what, Olivia. You come on by, any old time. I'll open the door for you. You can choose whether you want to meet my dogs in the front yard or in the house. If they let you pass, then you're welcome to show me your machines. Does that sound fair?
*click*

That was fun. I loathe salespeople who call and try to arrange my days. What a shame they didn't just pull up into our driveway... darn!

Like I said above, saw this on Blue's and thought it would be fun to answer the ????s:
:confused: :
1. Do you still know/talk to the person who you gave your first kiss to? Ya, like I even know where that little 4 year old is today! :confused:
2. What would you do with 1,000,000 plastic spoons? sell 'em on ebay
3.What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? in 1st grade, mostly what my parents played, as I got older - the Monkees, the Beatles, etc...
4.What is the best thing about your current job? not having to clock in, the afternoon naps, sleeping in as late as I want... wait - I don't have a job!
5. Do you wish cell phone etiquette was a required class upon purchasing one? only when one of those morons is driving to slow in front of me on the highway.
6. Are you against gay marriage? nope.
7. Why? because everyone should be able to provide for loved ones with insurance, etc...
8. What's the most flipped up food combination you've come up with that's actually tasty? pepperoni, pineapple, onion, 3 kinds of cheese on tortito chips with lots of salsa and sour cream.
9. Have you been on a date in the past week? I have a standing date with my husband every Friday, even if we just stay home & watch tv.
10. If yes... How did it go, if no, why not? same as always - stayed home, watched tv together
11. Where are you going on your next vacation? who's paying?
12. Quote a song lyrics - "telegram sam, telegram sam..." by T Rex
13. Are most of the friends in your life new or old? old - the live ones, anyway
15. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? no but i have some shelves from Target
16. Are you ashamed of having it? I WISH I had some furniture from IKEA!
17. What do you wish someone would buy you? a studio where I could do my quilting again.
18. What do you think of hipsters? are you commenting on the jeans that keep falling off of my butt?
19. What are you wearing right now? flannel jammy pants (with skiing duckies on 'em), a gray t-shirt and my leapord scuffs.
20. When is the last time you had mom's home cookin'? a few decades ago
21. Do you like your parents? Mom, yes - Dad, no: it doesn't matter, since their both pretty dead now.
23. What state(s)/country(ies) have you lived in? Kansas, Texas, Oklahoma, Florida, Georgia, Colorado, Pennsylvania, California, Washington, Ohio, England, South Dakota, Montana... I forget where else, musta been drinking that day.
24. Do you ever wish you were gay/straight? I'm just glad to have a pulse - sexual orientation hasn't been high on my wish list.
25. Tell us about the last conversation you had: I would, but then I'd have to kill you.
26. Where do you see yourself in one month? hopefully, I'll have showered and changed clothes by then, but not much else will have changed
27. What is your favorite smell? puppy breath kisses!!!
28. Home Depot: a fun place to visit, if someone else is paying for the ride
29. Do you consider yourself crazy? I like to call it "preferential eccentricity".
30. What is the time and the outside temperature at the moment? 10:42 p.m. & Idunno
31. Are you missing anyone right now? Lots of people, especially the dead ones.
32. What does your Signature quote mean? "Live, Love, Laugh & Lurgle!" - that's classified information.
33. Elaborate on your profile photo: uh, it's a llama - my llama, Mardi Gras, actually. She's the offspring of my other two, Onyx & Stryker.
34. Who introduced EFX2 to you? I just sort of followed everyone else. Didn't want to go with the lemmings at MB.
35. How many comments have you made? lots
36. What's your current relationship status? happily married
37. What is your current problem? it's tick season
38. Why fill this out? it's easier than writing something really original
39.What do you hate most? bugs
40. What do you love most? my husband and family
41. What makes you happy? my husband's pulse
42. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be? nothing
43. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what will you be? llama, of course!
44. Ever had a near death experience? I've actually died before, during surgery
45. Name ONE obvious quality you have: I'm artistic
46. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now? none
47. Are you happy today? yes
48. Who will cut and paste this first? whoever wants to is welcome to it.

Blame it on the King

Some of you might have missed Treasa's comment in my shoutbox, where she shared something fascinating. She gave me a link to a webcam, which is honed in on a beautiful bald eagle, sitting on a nest. The hatching is due anytime & the excitment is building!!! Today, I was watching and momma moved, so I got to see 2 eggs. She's a good mommy bird. Thanks, Treasa, for the awesome link!!

Go check it out, kids. What a neat opportunity to see some beautiful babies being born! wooot!! :knittinglamb:

Some days, I try to remember to surrender myself to the will & purpose my Higher Power has destined for me that day. Today was just one of the days I remembered to do this very thing, as we headed out of town, toward yet another day at the VA Hospital in Sioux Falls. Maybe I should have started surrendering a lot earlier, but at least I got it done before noon, eh?

The day started earlier than planned, when the phone rang at 6 a.m. It was my wonderful sister, Tower, calling to be sure I woke up on time for the trip south. Uh ya, dear sis... I meant we had to get up at 7 a.m. Groggily, I tossed the phone across the bed and considered going back to sleep for another hour. Too late - the kidneys knew I'd moved and so, up I got and took care of some morning business. For the record, Muffin decided it was far too early for anyone with a lick of sense to get out from under the covers yet, so he stayed warmly snuggled beneath them. I could have sworn he rolled his eyes at me for turning on the light!

Now we had an extra hour to get up and out of the house, which really was pleasant. No rushing about, wondering if we forgot something, yada yada yada. Had leisurely coffee and breakfast with Spouse, let the kids go out to do their duties and we were off. Good start, huh? Ya, so far...

We had to stop in Watertown for gas, so I went inside to take another potty break and stock up on the delish beef jerky they sell at this particular C-store. For months now, it has been in the bins, labled and sorted: Original, Teriyaki, Pepper. So, out of habit, I snagged about 6 slices and bagged it, paid for everything and got back in the rig. We were about to Brookings when I decided to have a chunk of this addictive jerky and ripped off a good slice. Without paying attention (shouldn't need to, right?) I bit off a lovely piece and my mouth was afire! Pepper? Pepper? WTF??? Naturally, it had to be someone at the store, putting the jerky in the wrong bin! I finished the slice I'd started, but decided to return the rest on our trip home.

We got to Sioux Falls with plenty of time to spare, so we stopped for some quick banking. Don't you hate when the bank closes a savings account just because it's been empty for a couple of weeks? I hate this bank, but Spouse chose it, so we're stuck with them for the time being. Anyhoo - this is where the day began to go downhill for me.

When I surrendered earlier on in the journey, little did I know how much humble pie I'd be consuming throughout the day. It seems like every time I opened my mouth, I had the wrong answer. Normally, it doesn't bother me too much to say, "I'm sorry, I was wrong".... but it turned out to be at least 6 times today I FUBAR'd beyond belief and had to apologize to Spouse. Bless his heart, he isn't gloating any, though he has every right to.. today, at least. So now, I'm stuffed to the gills with humble pie and it really doesn't taste as good as it looks in the recipe section of the magazines. I think I'll stay up long enough to watch Lost & Grey's Anatomy, then go back to bed.

Oh ya, the beef jerky this morning? On the way home, we stopped back at the C-store and yet again, I'd goofed. The bins were all labeled correctly, just in a different order than I was used to seeing. My bad, again. At least the nice clerk let me exchange for my fave kind. They know me well enough by now, to know how desparately I have to have THAT fix!

When I got my serving of humble pie today, it was definitely supersized. No way did I want fries with that! ;) BTW - drove the speed limits and since we both got lots of sleep last night, we were awake & had pleasant conversations on the road (except where I was wrong.....)

Today was a long day for both of us. Spouse had a few appointments at the hospital in Sioux Falls, the first being fairly early in the morning. We got to the VA just in time and he began his shuffle to the appropriate office, whilst I parked the little red car. Last night I didn't sleep worth a poot, ending up with a mean headache around 2 a.m. That sucks when you have to wake up at 7 a.m. to be out the door on time. The nagging ache was hitting me right on top of the brain, a really weird place for me to have a headache.

We got out the door in pretty good time and the drive there was uneventful, although I had a difficult time staying awake. Before Spouse got as sick as he is, I used to be able to drop him off at the door and go run errands in the city. Being able to do that always made the day go much quicker for me, at least. Those days are gone, because he needs me at his side, for balance, I suppose. It isn't a burden for me, either, because I know if the table were turned, he'd be there for me. That's just how it is with us.

We spent the entire day walking the halls, traveling the elevators and going from one wing of the hospital to another. I fear I may hear the chirpy, cheerful voice that constantly informed us which floor we had arrived on and whether we were going up or down. Hell, I was hearing it from the various waiting rooms when Spouse was seeing his doctors! "First floor, going up." "Third floor, going down." Meanwhile, every office/waiting room seemed to have a radio tuned to a different station. The one song I recall hearing that really stuck in my mind, "Calling All Angels" by some guy. (my brain has lost the ability to store names of artists/songs together.. dunno why) I was seated near the pretty fishtank in the lounge area, while Spouse was getting his face prodded, poked and stabbed by the good folks in minor surgery. Not to serious, just some styes removed and such. He's beginning to get lots of those lately.

Anyhoo, our day was long, with the constant noise and bustle of the hospital staff and other patients/families around us. It was like an overload of sorts today, for both of us. We both were a bit on the cranky side and barely spoke, to avoid saying anything that might hurt the other. It was just one of those days, when we couldn't get in sync with each other verbally.

Finally, around 5 p.m., we have his new medicines in hand and head out the door. No reason to stop anyplace in Sioux Falls, since I did take off for a few minutes to fill the tank. Within a few minutes, we're on the freeway again, heading north toward home. Home, sweet dwelling that has held 4 anxious doggies the entire time we were gone, home. The skies were overcast most of today, with lots of strong gusty winds. Makes for a kind of rough ride home, especially with all of the traffic that was on the road today. Must have been some folks going home after the Easter weekend.

As we went along our way on the freeway, I asked Spouse to talk to me, to help me stay awake. I knew he was probably even more exhausted than I, but needed his assistance desparately. It would be one thing, if the dogs hadn't been housed alone all day, if we had the extra funds for a night in a motel or whatnot. No such thing for us, we had to make it home before someone pooped inside! Drive on, crazy old lady, drive on. And I did. One pit stop, halfway home, which refreshed me for about 20 miles.

It scares me when I get that sleepy, while driving. When I'm alone, it's not uncommon for me to pull over and take a power nap, until I feel rested enough to continue my journey. With Spouse along, however, there was no option for power naps. His feet were really in a lot of pain, because he hadn't been able to put them up at all yet. We were about 15 miles south of Watertown, when my eyes couldn't focus any longer. I shook my head, trying to get them unstuck.

The next few miles, I cannot recall at all. Suddenly, I jumped, when Spouse yelled at me, "Get the fuck around that sonuvabitch!!" We were about 3 (normal sedan sized) car lengths behind a semi-trailer truck and the speedometer was reading 95mph. Yep, kids - I fell asleep behind the wheel and was about to give that trucker a klingon he'd never forget!

Because Spouse woke up in time to wake me up (doesn't that just sound comforting? ;) ), I was able to avoid a collision with the driver ahead of us. No telling how long either of us zonked out, but it must have been for just a few split seconds (I hope). That sure woke both of us up and we both were quite shaken by the entire event.

Our car slowed down to the nicer speed limit, our eyes were now wide open and our hearts were pumping. I think that was the first time, all day long, that we both were completly awake. As we turned off the freeway, onto the Watertown exit, I reached over and patted Spouse's leg. "Thanks for yelling at me, honey."

I'm going to bed now, kids... g'nite!

:bunnyblink:

There wasn't time to stop, folks. I truly tried, but the roads were clear & I was buzzing home at a sweet 80+mph. My mind was on the things Spouse's doctor was telling me, just an hour earlier while Spouse went down the hall to potty. The things he told me unnerved me & I must admit, I probably shouldn't have been driving.
So, when the rabbit lunged out in front of my tires, there was not a second to swerve, let alone stop in time. I killed a biggass jackrabbit today & I feel horrid about that. If the Easter bunny doesn't bring you any chocolate eggs this year, blame me. Sorry 'bout that, kids.

The doc asked me if anyone had talked to me about Spouse's prognosis yet. I told him they hadn't, so would be grateful for any info. He (the doctor) was acting as if he was trying to not let Spouse hear, so his voice was low. As soon as he heard Spouse coming down the hall (Spouse was yakking at a nurse a couple of doors down), Doc changed the subject. For once, I wish Spouse had taken a little longer doing his business. All the doc managed to let me know was this & I quote, "It doesn't look good."

I've got a call into his office, hoping he can call me and expand on this statement, while Spouse is in another room. All I might guess is that either Spouse told "them" to not tell me, or they are not telling him, trying to avoid him falling into a catastrophic depression. Either way - I'm sick to my guts. Vague info always throws me into a tizzy of sorts. Of course, I'm putting on my "good face" for Spouse. It's better, I think, to surround him with pleasant vibes & energy, than to sit around sobbing and sulking about something that isn't definitely gonna happen tormorrow.

How much you want to bet I don't get an Easter basket this year? Guess I'll go outside and bury something positive. Flower bulbs!

A to Z Meme...stolen from Ben T who stole it from Libertine:

Accent - Mostly kinda western drawl... depends on who I'm talking to. Having lived in several states, as well as other countries, sometimes a bit of this or that will surface in my conversations.

Booze - Celebrating 14 years clean & sober on the 12th of this month... God willing, of course.

Chore I hate - washing walls & cupboards

Dog or cat - Both! Plus Llamas, too!!! Duh!!!

Essential Electronics - My laptop, digital camera, sewing machine & my phones.

Favorite Perfume/Cologne - Shalimar

Gold or Silver - Both, with Tanzanite & Sapphires & diamonds and...

Home - On the beautiful prairies of South Dakota, just outside of the city of Clark.

Insomnia - :confused: And my name is Lady VISINE why? ya, I gots insomnia

Job Title - unemployed but I still work my ass off

Kids - 2, one of each & both grown/gone

Living Arrangement - sharing home with my Spouse, who is a disabled veteran. My role in this arrangement is that of nurse now...

Most Admired Trait - loves animals?

Number of Sexual Partners - Currently? None... and the rest is history.

Overnight Hospital Stays - 3, two of which were for birhting purposes

Phobia - a long list here: creepy, crawly, rodentish, slimy & things like Heights, driving over big bridges (yes, I do it with my eyes closed - so there :p)

Quote - "Hindsight is 20/20" my mom used to tell us that all the time

Religion - on a spiritual quest that tries to avoid organized religion, rather it brings me more in step with the plan my Higher Power has planned for me.

Siblings - two sisters, both of whom I love dearly

Time I usually wake up - ya, like I even get to go to bed in the first place! Ha!

Unusual Talent - I can wiggle my nose like a bunny rabbit!

Vegetable I refuse to eat - Al Gore

Worst Habit - smoking cigs

X-Rays - help you see your inner child

Yummy Foods I Make - my own version of deluxe nachos

Zodiac sign - Virgo, on the cusp of Libra

:knittinglamb: It seems the past few days, maybe weeks, even.. I've been feeling fairly creative. Back when I lived in Montana, I'd written a story which got pretty good reviews from the quilters I knew online. Ya, it needed work (grammar, typos, etc) and I wanted to add more chapters to it, as well. Anyhoo, I did manage to move it over here from MajorBummerville and you can read it here.

Getting back on track - Since I began weaning myself off of the anti-depressants, the urge to write stories has begun to nag at the back of my wee little gray cells. When it comes to writing, I am happy whether it's a research report, a long winded blog entry (wha'? Moi?), or some fiction that has escaped my cranium committee.

This past weekend, I've been sick, with a cold, I think. Got the sniffles, achy skin and muscles, and alternating hot/cold flashes. The weirdest thing about this "cold" is that sometimes I would be busy doing whatever and suddenly, it was as if somebody had dumped ice cubes on my spine. Just the upper spine, mind you - the thoracic area (where my wings will go someday... :bunnyblink: ) and if my shirt touched my back there, it felt wet to me. Of course, I felt the shirt with my hands and it was completely dry.... what an eerie feeling. Never thought I'd look forward to a few hot flashes! I spoiled myself and took naps, complete with the microrice bags, whenever possible, since that was what my body seemed to crave most of all. Feeling much better today, thought the sniffles and a scratchy throat linger.

Despite the cold, I was fairly productive this past weekend, too. See, the other night Heidipants was trying to sleep on my bed & she was laying on one of my legs. I tried to "kick" her off by nudging her with the pinned leg. Instead of her budging, my hip made a lovely "pop!" sound as it went back into place! With the hip back where it belongs, the rest of my back is more or less trying to get back into alignmnet! Whoohoo! Still being careful with it, as I haul the buckets of water to the llamas, clean the garage, change the filter on the humidifier in the basement (the basement door is one heavy SOB that has to be lifted up from the floor - I hate it, but suspect someday it may be quite handy if a tornado hits us), rearranged & completely cleaned the mudroom/catroom and completed a few craft projects. Not bad, considering all of those tasks were completed along with the normal household stuff. Imagine what I could do if I set my mind to it & wasn't sick! LOL

Anyway - I'd consider it a big favor if you could read my story - "The Golden Needle" and offer some constructive critisicm. Should I bother trying to put these words in my head down someplace, or should I stick to long winded blog entries? A curious mind wants to know.... :confused:

Spouse has a visiting nurse that comes by twice a week to help tend to his pressure sores. The sores are healing nicely, thanks mostly to the nurse who came on the first three visits. I liked her, Spouse liked her & best of all, ALL of our dogs liked her. We tend to trust our dogs' instincts when it comes to strangers entering our home. If the dogs want to kill someone at the door, then we tend to not let them inside. This past Monday, another visiting nurse came by to treat Spouse's wounds.

The way we usually handle someone new coming into our domain, is to take all of the inside dogs into my room & let the visitor get inside & seated. The dogs are less likely to rip someone's ass a new one, if they are seated upon same ass. Must have something to do with physics, I guess. Once our guest/visitor is safely seated, I'll let the dogs meet the person, trying to do it one dog at a time. That is usually more for the sake of the guest, than for the dogs. Our breed can be quite intimidating, since they tend to greet everyone with a very boisterous fanfare of barking, sniffing and whatnot. No, our dogs are not obedience trained, because when we got them, Spouse was too sick from the chemotherapy & the canine training classes were all over 100 miles from where we lived in Montana. Hence, the dogs know what little we've taught them. Yes, I've tried my best to make them quasi-socially acceptable & some of them do wonderfully around new people.

The one dog I always keep an eye on is our dear old Heidipants. (the dog formerly known as Heidi Ho!) She came to us from another family, after she'd been temporarily placed with another family that didn't work out. While she was with her temp family, she managed to open the gate & take their other resident Entlebucher for a stroll around the neighborhood. Poor, silly bitch! She had only just arrived at that home the night before, so she got lost easily. The resident stud found his way home that same afternoon and met his family on the front porch when they got home from work/school. Heidi Ho, on the other hand, had been captured by the dogcatcher and was locked up for a few days before the temp family ever located her. Nobody knows what happened while she was "jailed", but after that escapade, the temp family decided they couldn't have her around their children.

We have worked with her since she arrived and finally, she was a decent enough girl that we felt comfortable adding her to our breeding program. Heidi was a great momma dog & often adopted any extra pups we had around. She was a sucker for any pup that would milk her dry! She has also, been a terrific judge of character, as far as we've observed. We no longer have to worry about her ripping most people a new rear, but she still has instilled a great trepidation in strangers with just her greeting alone. She has a tremendously LOUD bark, one she loves to offer right in your face. I'm talking about a dog that will run at an amazing speed and then stop just short of your nose and BARK!!! I've seen grown men spot their shorts when she says hello in that manner. Hence, we are very cautious when introducing her to strangers. Not to worry, about the other two inside kids (Muffin doesn't count... silly yapper), our Ingo & Chikletz. Ingo & Chikki are very sweet, barkers - yes, but they are more careful about approaching the guest. Ingo is a love bug, as is Chikki. They both loved the first nurse and were all over her, trying to give her loves. Heidi even liked the first nurse, not even barking at her, once she was able to meet her in Spouse's room. I was very impressed with that... VERY IMPRESSED! The fact our Heidipants was docile (for Heidipants, that is) was significant in how comfortable I was with this stranger tending to my husband's health needs.

Anyhoo - the second nurse came on Monday. I said that already, but repeating helps me get back on track. Being on track is good... call me a track whore, I don't care! We followed our usual routine when Nurse #2 (I call her that, tongue in cheek) arrived. Spouse was feeling well enough to answer the door, so I got the dogs into my bedroom. Spouse took the #2 nurse into his room and they began doing whatever in there. I'd been a tad ticked off at Spouse that particular day because he had plugged the loo again. see previous entry - the shit never stops! I know it isn't his fault, but it still irks me to have to deal with that crap. So, I stayed in my room with the dogs... until Spouse rang his bell.

Ya, I got him a bell - a loud, freaking Swiss cowbell that he can ring to let me know he needs me in his room. It works & it was my idea, since he can't yell sometimes. Anyhow, the bell rang & I left the dogs in my room to see what he wanted. #2 didn't even look at me, but immediately told me to get her some of the supplies we have, because she couldn't find it. Uh, okay... btw, it's nice to meetcha, I says to her and introduce myself. I suppose she was really a nice person, but my dogs were going absolutely nuts in my room. So, I gave her the things she needed, hung around for a few minutes and left to quiet the dogs. The second time Spouse rang the bell (I was ready to ring something of his by then), all of the dogs escaped from my room as I exited. oooops!

With a little luck, because the dogs were going crazy to see who was in Dad's room, I managed to slip back inside. This is when attitude toward Nurse Hatchet (her name has been changed because I won't call her what I think really fits - she might be related to Ben's dragon lady, tho) really took a downward spiral. First off, she didn't smile much, didn't ask anything about the dogs and I felt she didn't change her gloves enough when working on Spouse's wounds. The good nurse, #1, changed her gloves with each new wound and used a hand sanitizer often. This #2 changed her gloves twice while she was there. grrrrr. That didn't impress me much. Meanwhile, outside the door, Heidipants was having ballistic fits. I was getting the impression that if she had her way, this nurse could easily be tending her own wounds.... IF Heidipants had her way. Big warning signs going off in my head over that revelation. Finally, she's done - the nurse, that is. She graciously cough... hak waited so I could get the dogs back in my room before she exited Spouse's.

As we left Spouse and headed toward the kitchen door, I turned to inqure whether Nurse Hatchet had all of her belongings. She was closing Spouse's bedroom door and I saw her face. On it was a look that horrified and offended me to no end. I'm still a bit in a tizzy about that expression. When I saw her face, she had her nose scrunched up, as if she'd just walked into a cloud of skunk fumes. Her face said to me, "yuck, nasty people, stinky house, ewwww, dogs & cats that live inside....". My mind could go on forever. As soon as she realized I had seen the expression, it changed completley. Now I don't even trust the bitch at all! Ya, I hadn't gotten the mopping done yet, because I was still trying to unplug that frikkin' toilet again (had to get the water level down to use the cannon), so the house didn't smell pinesol fresh. Excuse the fuck outa me. Have you noticed, when I'm upset, I tend to cuss a bit more? Must be the trailer trash coming out, huh? You can take a gal outa the trailer, but.... Bottom line here is I don't really like this second nurse, but will "grin & bare(knuckle) it", for Spouse's sake. She just better watch her face tho - that look on Monday was very unprofessional. I may not be MarthafuckinStewart when it comes to housework, but I do keep a pretty good handle on the mess. Just not anal retentive about having everything sparkle and shine. I'm happy when I know it's cleaned and it smells clean. Sparkle and shine is just icing on the cake.

Short story long, even though my back has been out since before Spouse went to the hospital, I started the Spring cleaning today. Don't worry - didn't over do anything... as soon as I realized I would need more paper towels to do the windows, I went shopping. Stayed shopping until the cleaning mood past. I think I'll be okay now. Tomorrow will be a new day & hopefully, my back will feel okay enough that I can take a huge whack at the floors, windows & stuff. As long as my beloved doesn't clog the shitter and get me off track again, that is....


P.S. Finally found that damn wallet!!! My car, driver's side door pocket, wrapped in a napkin. Go figure. :D

Do you ever feel like you've been handed the shitty end of the stick in life? Why is it that some of the most horrible jobs in the home seem left for you to accomplish? There are times when I wish my talents weren't so diverse. Let me tell you why....

Twice, since Spouse has returned from the hospital, my darling has done something so totally disgusting that I am plunged into despair. While I realize he cannot help himself, it really pisses me off, to no end. Today has been one of these two days. The thing is, his meds tend to bind him up a bit. That's why he has to add some lovely stool softeners to his daily cocktail of pills. Fortunately, these stool softeners don't make our toilet mushy, at all. If only they would work a bit better for Spouse.

This morning, just as it happened the last time, I woke up with an urge to purge. Everyone in the house knows by now, when I wake up, don't get between me & the throne room. When I gotta pee, I gotta pee NOW! Maybe it's a girl thing - maybe it's all that soda pop I drink. Anyhow, Spouse was awake when I woke up, standing in the throne room. Surely, he appreciates how I barked at him to get the fuck outa my way, right?

Anyhoo, I gets in there & does my thing, flushes and proceeds to wash my hands. That's when I notice the water wasn't going down right. Oh shit.... not again! So, after inquiring whether Spouse had anything special to tell me about his evening/morning, I learn that he'd laid another walnut in the john. Dammit! Not going to go into gross details, just suffice it to say that my day has been planned from that moment on.
:tiggeryuck:
It sucks, but he always seems to leave that nasty job for me. Unplug HIS mess. Why? Because I am relentless in getting that job done. Maybe I shouldn't have told him about me being the one always able to unplug the toilet when Sis & I were down in Oklahoma, working on Mom's house. Her plumbing was shot to shit and back, so we had to plunge the toilet for nearly Every flush. I feel sorry for the folks who bought the place at the auction. Boy, are they in for a surprise.

Anyhoo - I've tried lots of remedies to make a shitty job easier. Yes, break out the little face masks & the rubber gloves. An apron might be in order, as well. Two different types of plungers, a bottle of this, a jug of that and then the online suggestions. I read online last time, someone used vinegar & it worked. I'm going to have to try that this time, because the crap I paid $15 isn't cutting it. Have I yet mentioned how much I loathe any job that has the word plumbing related to it? I do, very much indeed.

What a nasty thing to blog about. It's certainly not a topic of toilet-humor, though it could easily go in that direction. Sounds like Spouse just woke up, since I heard his bedroom door opening. Wonder if he's going to go potty? This is the shits..... I need a vacation - someplace with outhouses, I think. They Never need flushing!

Bring on the crappy jokes, kids. I need a laugh now. Does my face look flushed?

**********
For the record, if ya pour two cups of white vinegar down the toilet and wait about 15 minutes... then give 'er a plunge or two, you should be able to relax the rest of the day. Why I waste money on those chemicals is beyond me... from now on, I'm sticking to clear pickle juice!:tiggeryuck:

Boy, am I in for it now. When I took Spouse to the hospital, toward the end of January, he had me bring some of his belongings home. For safekeeping, he said. One of the things I brought with me was his wallet. Sure, he kept his basic military ID card, for while he was in the hospital, but the rest - his driver's license, permit to carry concealed, etc. - remained in his wallet.

It was pretty late that day that he was admitted to the hospital and later still, when I returned home from Sioux Falls. I vaguely recall carrying in the bags of stuff I purchased (hey, SF has lots of stores, so I took advantage of the opportunity) and the bag of my beloved's belongings. The wallet was in that bag.. or was it in my purse? I dunno. I actually think what I did was put it in my purse, before I left his hospital room. Then, prior to entering one of the stores in SF, I stuck it in the glovebox or under a seat, so my purse would not be as heavy. Either way, I remember that I made sure I brought it back into the house when I got home.

Now, I'm one of those types who has a place for everything and everything in it's place. Unfortunately, if I get distracted while in the process of taking something to it's designated place, it sometimes gets mislaid. Man, have I ever mislaid the wallet. Spouse got out of the hospital on March 7th & I've yet to find that damn thing!

We have separate bedrooms, for lots of reasons (mainly we both snore terribly loud!), so I am fairly certain I would have taken his wallet to his bedroom. So far, since his return, I have completly emptied his dresser and organized it - no wallet. His bedding has been washed at least a couple of times since his return. Every pocket of every jacket, shirt, pants and backpack has been searched. I have thoroughly gone through both of the vehicles that I used when visiting/transporting my husband to Sioux Falls. My own bedroom has been tossed upside down, inside out and sorta reorganized.

Every desk drawer, kitchen drawer, cupboard, pantry, shelf, box..... been through each of them to no avail. I even talked to a friend last night on the phone. If memory serves correctly (boy, what a joke, eh?) she & I had a conversation where I asked her to remember where I put it, so when I went to look for it in the future...... she kind of recalls the phone call, as well. The thing is, was it the wallet I asked her to remember? It doesn't really matter, because she can't recollect either!! Not the item nor the hiding place.

Sure as shit, I'll take Spouse to replace his driver's license, CC permit and other important items... and the damn wallet will appear. I'm banging my head on the wall now.... maybe that will jar some rusty brain cells into clarity!

Okay - here's the scenario:

You go with a family member/friend to the doctor's for an appointment. You are there for support & to help them remember any details/symptoms they may have forgotten to mention. This person has been to several doctors, all visits seeking help for lower back pain. Due to the pain, they have been having more difficulty ambulating, let alone getting any serious exercise. Previous xrays have shown some degeneration in the vertabrae, etc.

The new doc takes his own xrays and finally enters the exam room for the consult with your relative/friend. He sits down and begins a very scathing narrative about how if the patient would simply get off their rear and exercise, they'd lose weight and the back pain would be gone. This doc is supposedly the "best" in the region. He basically tells your relative/friend they are just fat & that's where the problem is.

What would you do/say?

go watch this. If it doesn't make you wanna cry & cheer at the same time, I'll poke you in the eye! it's a beautiful story... trust me. :pandalove:

He's HOME!!!



nuf said? ;) Thank you again, from the both of us, for all of the wonderful support, the awesome pile of get well cards & wishes, as well as the beautiful bookmark (Spouse was thrilled when he saw that - says to give Patty a special thanks for that!) and other tokens of care.

In case you didn't know it, Y'ALL ROCK!!!

:kisses: :pandalove: :kisses: :pandalove: :kisses:

It's been a couple of weeks since my last entry, mostly because I've been veggin' out. The trips to Sioux Falls to visit Spouse tend to take a toll on my body, so my back has been tweaking the past two weeks. Sure, I've wasted hours in the efx2 Arcade, but that takes so little effort and strength. At least I've been successful in learning how to play a few of those fun games. :bunnyblink:
Spouse has been improving by leaps and bounds, maybe to the point where the staff has led him to believe they'll send him home sometime in the next couple of days. I'm thrilled to think he might be here again. The first thing we have planned is unplugging the phones and cuddling for an entire day together. To some, that might not sound so exciting, but to be able to lay next to him in bed again, without worrying about hurting him is a wonderful thought.

So, what have I done this past couple of weeks? If you looked around me, one might easily think I've sat on my ass with the remote in hand. In actuality, I have accomplished quite a lot, considering my days have been spent in a daze. My anti-depressants have nearly run out & I neglected to make a new doctor appointment. Just didn't realize I was that low on the supply. So, I've cut the last week's worth in half and have been taking a half pill every other day. Don't worry friends - I've told a few people close to me about it, so they know what to look out for, if I start to get weird or something. I'm fully aware of the risks one takes by quitting such meds cold turkey. My best friend committed suicide several years ago, because she just quit taking her a-d meds and never told anyone. She hid it well, right up until the very end. That's why I told my sis and a couple of friends where I'm at on the meds. If it appears I need to get back on them, then I shall make that dr. appointment. I'd really like to be rid of them though.

The past two weeks have also been quite productive in the fact I was able to protect my darling Chikki from getting preggers. I no sooner took the two boys home that I had puppysat, when I came home to Heidipants humping Chikki like a banshee! :sheeplook: Seems every time I turned around, poor Chikki was looking over her shoulder at the old Ho. Poor Chikki. The funny thing is, Muffin never tried to hump her at all. Go figure, huh?

The snow has been melting all around. There are signs of days gone by all over the yard. No more pristine layers of white, instead pools of yellow and brown, broken branches from the ice storm of last Thanksgiving sullying the view from my windows. I am so looking forward to Spring, so I can get the yard cleaned up and get some flowers planted. I wonder if it's time for me to get the seeds started yet?

Anyhoo, there have been some friends here checking on me & I'm really grateful. I hope they weren't upset by my silence - I was in a funk and couldn't shake it. Doing better today & will continue to get outside for fresh air, instead of hiding on the computer playing games. Maybe having another human in the house will help, since the dogs are the worst conversationalists! Thanks for asking about me/us... life is getting better every day. One sad note: with Spouse coming home soon, I'll have to go back to my closet knitting! :knittinglamb:
:kisses:

:llamabanana: Today I head to Sioux Falls, again, for another visit to Spouse. I was going to add a pic of him, so you could see how much better he is doing, but forgot my photobucket sign in stuff. It will come to me later (hopefully) and then I can include his pretty face.

Was down there on Friday and had a consult with some of his healthcare team. Not everybody showed up that day, due to a death of one of their fellow nurses. Seems she had surgery scheduled for that morning and sadly, died on the operating table. It was a pretty glum bunch that did show up, understandably. I felt so badly for them all, as she (the nurse) had been working with many of them for a long time. Hopefully, she was at a different hospital, eh?

Anyhoo, RIP nurse & on to the consult. Spouse has been improving little by slow, each and every day. He is now able to walk without the aid of his walker! Still uses his cane, but that's a darned sight better than before, when he could barely walk without someone standing nearby to catch him! When I inquired whether he'd be released soon, they told me there isn't anything in the computer which led them to believe he'd be coming home any time soon. The gal who looked it up told me that there is usually a notation when a patient is due to be released within the next 10 days. Looks like the staff is going to keep my love captive for a lot longer than I'd anticipated!

While I miss him dearly, here at home, it's good that they want to be sure he is stronger and his health is much improved before they release him. It's been a good thing for both of us actually, because I hadn't realized just how burned out I'd become from tending to his needs. There are a lot of projects which I've put on hold, because I feared getting into them, or was too busy answering his bell. I actually have accomplished a few things while he's been absent from home.

Once he is well enough to come home, he'll be able to participate around here more. Then I can hand him a "honey-do list" and watch him get busy! wOOt!

So far, he's gotten cards from lots of folks! He was amazed to get cards from strangers in Sweden, Malaysia, Mexico and more. Al asked me to express his thanks to each of you for the wonderful notes and kindnesses you've showered upon him while he's in the hospital. You all are so amazing & wonderful! I thank you, as well. My heart is so full of blessings because you've gone out of your way to show my true love a simple kindness & concern. How can I ever truly express my gratitude? There's a huge tin of chocolate by the door... help yourself when you drop in to visit!

Love to you all...... :pandalove:

I've Been Tagged by Home and Family

Four jobs I've had
1: Cook/waitress
2: Shipping clerk/data entry
3: Trucker
4: Painter's & Mudder's helper

Four movies I could watch over and over
1: The Wizard of Oz
2: Bambi
3: Second Hand Lions
4: Metropolis (the oldie)

Four places I have lived
1: Austin, TX
2: Nooksak, WA
3: Plains, MT
4: Niceville, FL

Four television shows I love to watch
1: LOST
2: Extreme Makeover, Home
3: NCIS
4: CSI Shows

Four places I have been on vacation
1: Holland (as a child on daddy's pocket)
2: Germany (as a child on daddy's pocket)
3: Texas
4: California

Four of my favorite dishes
1: Pizza - hold the anchovies :p :p
2: Cabbage rolls - my recipe
3: Nachos
4: Stir-fry, with sweet and sour chicken on the side

Four websites I visit daily
1: All my Efx2 friends blogs
2: Yahoo Mail
3: Ebay
4: Petfinder.com (ya, I'm a sucker for those poor critters)

Four places I would rather be right now
1: Cuddling with Spouse under the covers
2: In Oklahoma, helping my sis with the auctioning of mom's house/property
3: Holding the grandson I've not yet met, again, in OK
4: On a luxury cruise to someplace warm & beautiful

Four bloggers I am tagging
1: Jeeps, The Real One http://blog.efx2.com/user/Jeeps/
2: XTAP59 http://blog.efx2.com/user/XTAP59/
3: Sic http://blog.efx2.com/user/sic/
4: Mercurius http://blog.efx2.com/user/mercurius/

This had to be my all-time fave commercial from the 2006 Snooze Bowl. Usually, one can expect lots of exceptional commercials, but this year there weren't that many to warrant a lot of oooohs & aaaaahs. The one below got my vote for the best this year! Enjoy! (hope this works)

:knittinglamb: While Spouse continues to recover in the hospital, I've been working on doing the things that got stuck on the back burner, as I tended to his needs. I've almost got repossession of the sewing/dining room & hope to be working on some unfinished projects by the time he gets home.

Before I go any further, I'd like to tell my friends here how very, very grateful I am for their kind words, the support and encouragement shared while my love is mending. It is so neat that so many strangers would reach out to him, sending cards, prayers and good thoughts his way. This kind of friendship warms my heart immensely. Thank you... each and every one of you - for being the wonderful folks you are, folks I consider friends! This is one of the reasons I love this community - it's a place where relationships have developed, relationships of friendship with people we believe we can count on in rough times & good times. You've proven this to me time and time again. My "EFX2 FAMILY" rocks!!!

Spouse has been getting better each day and has asked me to thank you all for the prayers and good thoughts, as well. None of the cards have arrived yet, not even the one I sent him last week! He'll probably start getting them this week, I'd think. He better! *L*

Anyhoo - back to trying to reclaim my sewing area.... and maybe check out the knitting DVD I got. If I am going to knit in the closet, it would be nice to learn some other stitches, besides the knit one. Who knows, maybe someday I'll be able to make something besides potholders! Not that I know anything about pot anymore.... :eek:

:pandalove: You're Invited to a Shower!!! :pandalove:



A card shower, that is. If you are interested in sending a nice greeting card to Spouse, I've got the addy right here for ya. He is going to be kept in the hospital for a minimum of another 2 weeks or better, while they try to get him in better shape. His prognosis is better now, but he's still got a road to hoe, before he's ready to take me dancing again.

Bottom line of the diagnosis is: liver and kidney's were both compromised, kidney stones, gallstones, pressure sores, dehydration and atrophying of muscle tissue. Basically, if I hadn't finally gotten his onery butt into the Urgent Care, he would not lave lasted much longer. What blows my mind is the fact the same docs/nurses have seen him in the past month, but nobody red flagged his condition! Go figure.. at least he's in there now and working on his recovery. He currently isn't a candidate for surgery to remove the stones, mostly because his platelates (sp?) are so low, so that's the reason for the large catheter. Poor Spouse - those sucker stones may be small, but there's a bunch and they really hurt!

Anyhoo - I'm only able to get down to visit him about twice a week. Some cards and/or notes of encouragement would really help lift his spirits, I think. Hence, a Card Shower Party!!! If ya want, feel free to zip him a little note/card in the mail, wishing him something nice (keep it clean, please - he's a bit of a prude & loathes anything remotely resembling porn) or something humorous.... you know. :) No pressure to do this, just would like to help brighten his spirits and room up a bit, with you help.

Send your card to:

Sioux Falls VA Hospital
2501 W. 22nd
TCU-3 Al Taylor
Sioux Falls, SD 57105

Can you imagine how fun it would be to see his face, when/if a bunch of greeting cards start coming in for him? I'll keep you updated & will post who all has sent a card, once he recieves them. Just be sure to signify someplace on the card your blog id, so I'll know who to thank! *L*

TIA folks, and again.... I am so grateful for all of your kind comments, prayers and support. It's friends like you who help some days be a little bit brighter... some days a hella lot brighter!!! Hugs!

:llamabanana:

Will someone please explain to me what it is about men (generally speaking, of course) that makes them avoid seeking medical help when anyone suggests it until it is apparent their "trophies" might fall off? I cannot figure that out, no matter how hard I try to wrap my brain around it.

That was the case with Spouse this week, after my urging him to allow me to take him to the VA ER for the past week. His feet have been pretty swollen for almost a month now, something which has me quite concerned. Sure, he's been to several VA doc appointments, but all the staff ever kept asking was whether he has diabetes or not. When he replied with a no, they just dropped it. Every time. Ya, all of the lab work was done & the results always agreed with his negative response to the question.

Anyhow, he's also been dealing with some really nasty, as well as disgustingly gross, blisters popping up all over his feet, elbows and backside. Heck, he just gets one on the healing end and another one breaks out. One doctor told us it was shingles, a very painful ailment. Another doctor told us it was pressure sores (used to call them bedsores), while yet another told us it was clearly cancer. Uh... can't we take some sort of sample to view under the microscope, rather than having all of the BS speculating going on? Tax dollars at work.

Back to the swollen feet... I'd been urging my beloved to go to the docs, to see if they could determine why he's had this rash of blisters lately, along with the swollen feet. No, he insists he can make it until his next doctor appointment in February. Two days ago, I noticed the swelling has now traveled up his legs, which were soooo skinny just last week. No matter how hard I tried to convince him it was time to go in before his scheduled appointments, he still refused.

Here's where I just don't get it.... it was obvious that there is something seriously wrong... and it was spreading. Rapidly, too. Until he noticed that the "trophy zone" was suddenly swollen and mishapen, he was all set to wait until his first February appointment. Uh, folks - that was a dental appointment. Like he's going to mention his enlarged scrotum to the dentist? What, is he planning on having the dentist pull that too? I don't think so.

So, short story long (tell me it's a gift I have), today I finally managed to get him out to the vehicles, and drove him to the VA in Sioux Falls. I had telephoned the urgent care department last night & the nurse was ready for us to come in. She is great, very gentle and knowledgable. She treats my husband & me both with respect, which really helps me get throught these sort of ordeals. Spouse is now usually fairly :confused: so it matters a lot to me to know she's going to be overseeing a lot of the nursing that he recieves while in the hospital.

Yep, folks, I have the remote to myself again, for as long as it takes to get his ailments figured out. Some of the words I heard spoken earlier today, although just speculations, were blood poisoning, kidney failure, severe infection, little words like that. The lab techs took a couple of pints of blood out of his arm, for special lab tests and they had to hook a central IV line in his chest. All of his veins kept blowing when they tried to insert in his arms/hands. shudder He was pretty adamant about not wanting any IVs inserted, but good old nurse Anita got him to agree about the central line. In the jugular... ech!

It's empty here in the house now, with just the 3 dogs on my bed behind me. Maybe tonight, I'll sleep in Spouse's bed.... just to feel closer to him. Ya, I'm worried that we didn't get him to the docs early enough. It was strange, but last night, there was an owl hooting outside my bedroom window. It was the first time that has happened and I wish it would come back tonight to hoot me to sleep. Was that some sort of omen? Must keep the positive thoughts going... If you are a praying friend, please remember my beloved when you reach out to your Higher Power. TIA

Banking = :tiggeryuck:

Got a call from the bank this morning and it's obvious that I must find a job. Following that dreadful ice storm and the extra expenses we incurred from purchasing the heaters and restocking the fridge, our accounts aren't as fluid as I'd prefer. Now it's up to me to find some sort of work that will allow me to work from home, in order to continue caring for Spouse and the critters, while increasing our income. It doesn't look pretty from where I'm sitting right now....

Now I'm bashing myself for every little purchase I've made in the past couple of months, as well as resenting Spouse for buying all of those new guns in November. Ya, I know that in the end, everything will work out fine, but it would really be helpful if I had a job that could be done at home. Not a lot of those available around these sticks, so will have do some serious research. What are my options? Hmmmmm? Start up a telephone business? Nope - don't seem to thrive on rejection that much, personally. Sell something door to door? Uh, ain't got anything to sell & certainly do not wish to get involved in another multi-level marketing scheme. Been there, went broke on those.

So - who has an idea of a way I could bring extra income into my home, without having to leave my sweet, furry little sanctuary? As if anyone would buy my quilts - I'd have to finish them first! Have't really had time to do much quilting since Spouse had the mini-strokes. Heck, it's all I can do to keep up with feeding the animals, housework and running my true love back and forth to the docs. My sister and I are opening a Cafepress shop, soon, but I don't think that will bring in the moolah I need to get everything squared away here. That will, if anything, help just a teeny bit. Unless it goes better than we anticipate. Maybe I need to think more positively, huh?

My mind is racing, heart pounding and I'm in a tizzy over what to do. Any reasonable suggestions would be very welcome and considered at this point. sigh

I saw this on OhPlease's blog, so am playing copycat. There are some inconsistancies with the actual facts - no way I could spend $500 on a dress and not blink!


Rooster

Rooster people are very observant. And most of the
time, they are very accurate and precise with
their observation. Perhaps, you can say that
Roosters have a very keen
"sixth-sense". With Roosters, what
you see is exactly what you get. There are no
hidden depths to the Rooster's character: he is
neither complicated nor profound, rather, he is
very forthright and straightforward. The
rooster likes to be noticed and flattered. He
might dress a little flashily with this in
mind, but in his heart, he is completely
conservative. Roosters always appear attractive
and beautifully turned out. They are sociable
and love to receive attention. Believe it or
not, it is not an easy task to fool the
Rooster. His mind is cautious and skeptical,
with this perceptive gift, Roosters make
excellent trouble shooters, detectives,
doctors, nurses and psychiatrists. Roosters are
always up, out and doing. You rarely see a
relaxed rooster that sits quietly in the
livingroom, doing nothing. They are also
multitalented, and can become accomplished in
many different ways. All Roosters are extremely
conscious about clothing and appearance. They
may appear conservative but are obsessed with
their look - they can spend hours standing in
front of the mirrors and will not even wink
when they spend $500 for a dress. That doesn't
mean they don't care about money, in fact, they
love to compare prices and even if the bargain
is only few cents or few dollars cheaper, they
will be satisfied. Though sharp, practical and
resourceful, the Rooster also likes to dream.
And because he likes to dream, he will
disappointed the loved one, for the reality
will never match up to the dreams he would like
to share with her. Although he really is
sincere about those dreams. Rooster make great
hosts and adore entertaining. The main virtue
in the Rooster character is loyalty: they make
devoted friends. They always keep their
promises and are always true to their word.
When Roosters love and admire someone, they
will even catch the moon just to keep them
happy.


Chinese Zodiac
brought to you by Quizilla

This past week has gone by in a furry blur, but has been fairly productive. Tonight, I'm feeling a bit sad, but nonetheless satisfied, after hearing from Bronx's new family. See, when I was gone down to Sioux Falls to puppysit Franco, I took Bronx along with me. It seems that lately old Anwar has had a bit of attitude toward Bronx, which has resulted in Bronx crying and Anny picking on him. Poor Bronx is not a fighter at all, rather, he'd prefer going belly up than bare his teeth at another dog. When I got to Sioux Falls with Bronx, I noticed he had a wound on his cheek, fresh from that day's ritural of Anwar nipping him. It was so good for Bronx to be away from all of that and he had a wonderful time with just me and Franco.

Some of you might recall that I tried to place Bronx with a family from Minnesota last summer. Bronx loved the lady, but had issues with the husband. After meeting the husband, when I retrieved Bronx, I wished he hadn't even gone to that family. I took the lady's word that her husband was great with their other Entlebucher. Maybe so, but I think he was just a tad too impatient with Bronx. Anyone who has experience with adopting older pups would realize that the transition might take weeks or even months before the dog is fully comfortable in the new family & environment. Not this guy - he had his wife call me within a couple of weeks to come get that vicious dog. Vicious? Bronx is NOT vicious at all, but he sure didn't like that man. Anyway, I was glad to have him back, mostly because I missed him so much.

Bronx is the pup from Heidipant's last litter, the pup I'd been training for search & rescue work. We enjoyed that so much, had so much fun going out on our training exercises. It broke my heart when we had to cease the training due to Spouse's health. The only reason I'd let that first family adopt him was because the lady was interested in continuing with his S&R training. aaaaah, well....

Bronx's new family is wonderful and has done some tremendous training with Franco. Franco knows the difference between his right and left, does all sorts of awesome tricks and is one of the most well socialized Entles on the planet. When they came home from their business trip, the one I puppysat Franco during, they got to meet Bronx for the first time. This couple is terrific and very patient with him. The first thing Bronx did when Franco began his welcome home commotion at the door, was to zoom off toward their bedroom. He crawled underneath the bed as far as he could and refused to come out. We spent about two hours, all three adults and Franco, sticking our heads under the bed, trying to coax Bronx out and reassure him that all was okay. What a shame nobody had a video camera in the room. Bronx still refused, so eventually, we resorted to me having them pick the foot of the bed up and me hauling Bronx out by his collar. Pretty comical, if it weren't for poor Bronx being so terrified.

Once we got him out of the bedroom, we all went to the family room, hoping he would relax some. It was then that I told the family about Bronx's history, about the asshat man who screamed and yelled at my baby. Bronx was not a timid dog, not like this, when he left for the first family. I also told them about how Anwar has been pestering him so much lately. It was easy to see they both were instantly in love with Bronx, especially "B", who is Franco's "dad". I watched closely, as we sat around in the family room and chatted, while we tried to ignore Bronx, who was cowering in the corner. Deep inside, I was seething because that first family had somehow traumatized Bronx to this degree. Meanwhile, "B" slowly inched his way toward the frightened dog, until he was soon sitting next to him in the corner. He was sooo patient and his hard work paid off. Pretty soon, Bronx was no longer doing the fear panting, instead, had his head on "B's" knee and was closing his eyes. "B" was speaking softly and moving slowly, so as to not alarm Bronx with any sudden moves. It worked. I was amazed and realized that my dog had a chance of a good life with this family, if they would be interested.

With my heart in my throat, I offered to let them have my boy, no strings atttached and totally free of charge. It didn't seem right to have them pay anything for him, even if he is a purebred, since they would certainly have their work cut out for them with his rehabilitation. "B" and his wife, "T" talked about it for a little while and then told me they would have to discuss it further, before giving me a decision. I knew "T" wanted him right away, and she & I both knew that "B" wanted him, but didn't want to be compulsive about the decision. So, I went home with Bronx, fully expecting the family to call me soon. They did - the very next day! We set up an appointment to meet and Bronx and I drove down on Thursday afternoon. We spent the night, so that Bronx would be more comfortable with his new family.

He was glad to see Franco again and was far less timid with "B" and "T" this time. By the next day, he was eating out of their hands, snuggling on their bed with them in the morning and paying far less attention to me. This was great to observe! I took off to do some window shopping at the mall, (exercise, right?) and was a very good girl with the plastic. It was our plan for me to leave, return to check on things, leave and repeat. This was to help Bronx feel okay about me leaving him with them for however long. When I went back to their workplace, where they always have taken Franco every day, I knew the deed was done. Upstairs in the office, Bronx and "B" were curled up on the dogbed that Franco never uses. Bronx had his little green teddy bear under his chin and he was laying as close to "B" as he could, without actually being on his lap.

So, I sat on the other side of Bronx and joined them on the dogbed. Bronx was glad to see me, but did not move from his new dad's side. Pretty soon, the dog was asleep, perfectly relaxed and content. He felt safe with this gentle man. He did wake up long enough to take some bites of his new mom's chicken lunch, but stayed glued to his new dad.

They called me today, to let me know how things are going. I know we all made a good decision for Bronx this time. He's coming out of his shell now, no longer afraid and cowering in the corners. His mom told me that last night, he came up to her, while she was sitting on the floor and snuggled his head into her chest. That's something he did to me, to show affection. Cool beans.

So, this is one of those bittersweet moments in my life, when I love someone enough to let them go. I wasn't always able to do that before... but this is for Bronx's best interest. He now has a family that adores him, isn't going to be picked on by Anwar any longer and I can still visit him as often as I wish. For now, I'm going to not visit for the next couple of months... just to let the transition get a little fuller, unless they need me to puppysit again. I'm gonna mess my smart little S&R Bronx, but am so happy for his future. Ya... happy tears are flowing for him tonight.

Just got home tonight, after puppysitting in Sioux Falls since Thursday. Took Bronx with & we had a blast playing with Franco. Franco is Bronx's brother from a litter prior to his own. Got cute pix of the two playing and we did a lot of running around in that city together. Both boys really enjoy going for car rides.

Some of you may recall that I was hankering to get a new tattoo... a purple llama, to be exact. Well, the deed is done, huge on my right back/shoulder & beautiful! Spouse didn't know anything about it until I got home tonight and asked him to wash it for me and apply the ointment. Uh, surprise honey. Anyhoo - we have to take another trip right back to SF in the early morning so it won't be until at least tomorrow night before I can get him to take the pic for posting.

It's really cool & the tat artist told me he scoured the tat mags trying to find one, to no avail. Could it be I have the first and only llama tattoo ever? Dunno, but he took lots of pics of it, so he can enter it to some mags. Maybe my right shoulder is going to be a "star", huh? :laugh:

***** edit Here's a photo, taken by me via a mirror - ya darn right I doctored the pic and removed all evidence of the insulation which keeps my size 8 cozy and warm. When I can get a better pic, I'll share it kids...



Trust me, it looks far better in person & the colors are tremendously vivid.

Today I found this poem/prayer and thought it spoke exactly as my heart feels. Just wanted to share it with my friends here.... it's appropriate for any faith/spiritual walk, I think. This is one I plan on printing up and hanging in my room.


Prayer for the New Year

Grant me the strength from day to day
To bear what burdens come my way.
Grant me throughout this bright New Year
More to endure and less to fear.
Help me live that I may be
From spite and petty malice free.

Let me not bitterly complain
When cherished hopes of mine prove vain,
Or spoil with deeds of hate and rage
Some fair tomorrow's spotless page.
Lord, as the days shall come and go
In courage let me stronger grow.

...

Lord, as the New Year dawns today
Help me to put my faults away.
Let me be big in little things;
Grant me the joy which friendship brings.
Keep me from selfishness and spite;
Let me be wise in what is right.

A happy New Year! Grant that I
May bring no tear to any eye.
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I've played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here,
And made of it a happy year.


- Edgar A. Guest

The wind is howling outside, frosted branches beyond the window sway and the snow has returned in a blaze of white. It is the first day of the year 2006, everyone inside the little house is asleep except for me. Sometimes the wind is so loud it wakes me up, sounding much like an airport runway with many jets taking off. Today has been no different. Still, even with the banshee screams of winter knocking at the doors and window, I see beauty every place I direct my gaze. It is lovely beyond the doors, almost a Currier & Ives print sort of beauty.

Inside the house, all is still, with the exception of the furnace kicking in gear and blowing through the ducts of each room. My preparations for today began before midnight, so I'm doing fairly well. I had a good shower before the ball fell, not that I watched that annual happening. Rather, I watched a good episode of CSI - the original Vegas version. Excellent show & of course, a cliff-hanger. Got a couple of loads of laundry done, so it would not need to be done today.

I'm not a big believer in superstitions, but figure it doesn't hurt to pay attention to a few, just in case. The old story of whatever you are doing on NYE/NYD will be what you end up doing all year long is one I have perpetuated for years.

This year, it looks like there will be many quiet days, spent mostly alone, with only my critters to keep me company. I might also have a few rashes this year, since I woke up with one covering my midsection yesterday! My sister seems to think I've been exposed to measles or chicken pox! Personally, I tend to think it's a reaction to the bbq jerky I tried the other day for the first time. 49 year old women just don't get the measles or chicken pox, do they?

Yup, folks, it will be an interesting year, one I am going to take head-on with great gusto. Come what may, I am going to attempt to face each challenge, each setback, each moment with love, humor and an appreciation for each breath taken. I wish for all of my friends and readers a blessed year, one of prosperity, growth, good health and much happiness.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, Y'ALL!!!

The day is almost here, when many of us bid adieu to 2005 and greet the new year with more hope than trepidation. Long ago, I gave up on resolutions, since my failures seemed to pitch me into a dark depression every time. Why set myself up for another failure, eh? No one needs that sort of pressure. Instead, my "resolutions" have been more inclined to mimic reverse pyschology, a tactic which seems to be far more fruitful than the alternative.

There are very few traditions which I still follow, mostly due to the children being grown and moved far away. The one tradition I still cling to, however, is a simple one. I must eat black-eyed peas on New Year's Day. Maybe I have the history of that old tradion mixed up, but I think it was said that those who consume the BEPs this day will enjoy a more prosperous year or more good luck. Either way, I figure it does not hurt to continue the tradition, since I love the BEPs and it's the one day of the year I can rationalize eating an entire can on my own! Spouse isn't that keen on them, so it's not something I can add to any meal on a whim.

Does partaking in this canned delight offer the promise of prosperity or more good luck? I have no clue. The way I see it, though, if my past year was as good s it was because I ate them, then think how bad it could have been without the traditional can of black-eyed peas! Who knows what evil foes were thwarted because I owned the protection of the legumes? I shudder to even think of such things.

This year, I think I'll eat about three cans. We're way overdue for some prosperity and I'll take all the good luck that comes my way. What are YOUR New Year's traditions, reader? Hope you & yours will have a safe, peaceful and prosperous 2006!

Today has been an interesting day, to say the least. Earlier, like this morning, I was yakking with my sister (Tower) in Michigan and we were searching stuff online together. We just got DSL last week, so it's quicker for me to find some things faster than for her. Our searching eventually led us to a site where we learned our father died in August of 2001. What a surprise, huh? Not that we ever thought his family (the steps...) would have attempted to contact us and let us know. There was no love lost when he bid us farewell, about 30 decades ago. He'd chosen his new wife and stepson, telling us to forget we ever had a father. Uh, okay - if you insist, Eddie. Too bad for him. He never got to see his grandkids and when his family called us for help after he became ill. He set the boundaries, so we simply followed his wishes. He was their problem.

Tonight, following a trip to town where I spent more than necessary, but half as much as was possible (after Christmas sales! wooot!), I called my daughter. She informed me that I am a grandmother. Yep, my darling son, who never calls or writes has apparently sired an offspring. My grandson is a little over one year old, is named after his dad and I have no idea how to reach either one. My son has been paying child support, so I hear, but that's all I know. Hopefully, I'll be able to locate the other grandparents and get some more information about this amazing surprise! Wish me luck there.

Now, on to Muffin, the wonder stud. I have yet to get through a day without him making me laugh, laugh really hard. It seems he has some pent up sexual fantasies that he is now living each day. So far, he has managed to attempt to hump 3 of the cats, several stuffed toys that I keep on my bed & is currently trying to mate with my new Christmas slippers. The slippers look like little St. Bernard puppies and Muffin is madly in love with the left foot slipper. Oh my! What a perv! I should send him to Ben's house, huh?

So, to condense the entirety of what I've learned today: I'm an orphan, I'm a grandmother and my new dog is a demented sex fiend. Yep, that's a full day.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas/Kwanza/Hannukah/etc...!

Like I mentioned in the rather toooo long previous post, there's a new baby in our house. He still needs a name & I am stumped. Don't want to give him a name that is overly common, and it must be easy enough for Spouse to remember. Here is a photo of him, to help you with ideas.



He's 4 yrs. old, has tons of attitude and he absolutely adores me! Can you help me name him, please?

Spouse knows me all too well, so earlier today, when I was preparing to go ship some gifts, he repeated what he has been saying for months now. "NO more cats!!! Period!!!"

Okay, I promise you, I will NOT bring any cats home today. It was bad enough, when a couple of months ago, I brought home two little female felines and gave him a sob story about finding them on the highway in a box. That's my story & I'm sticking to it. There is another story, but I'd rather forget it, since it admitting it would be admitting I lied to my husband. Anyway, this time I told him the entire truth.... so that balances all the critters out, right?

Last month, in anticipation of the cold winter weather here in South Dakota, I'd purchased a doggy coat for Girlfriend. Some of you might recall she is the Border Collie that Spouse & I rescued off of the freeway last summer. Since she is ten years old and most of her fur had not grown in yet (we had to shave her coat to get rid of all the matted mess), I was certain she would appreciate a nice fleece coat to help ward off the wind when she went out for business. The darned thing was too small for her, besides the fact she couldn't stand to be seen in such garb. So, she's quick with her business and comes right back in. That's fine with me.

Today, since I was going to Watertown to visit the "brown store", I figured I could donate the dog coat to the local humane society. They have lots of dogs and maybe it would come in useful. At the very least, they could sell it or pass it on to someone with a dog it would fit. I got my errands run and then zipped on over to the shelter.

Honest engines, I only planned on stepping in, dropping off the coat & maybe using their bathroom (I really need to cut back on that soda pop), then leave. Why do I kid myself? Spouse told me NO more cats, so I definitely was not going to get one. It's just too damned hard for me to not at least go in and visit the critters, to give them some attention and tell them how special each one is. Socialization is very important for doggies, ya know.

So, as I was turning to leave, I thought it would be nice to do just that... say hi to the critters. First off, I went in to the dog runs. my heart breaking to see how many dogs they had inside. At least they were inside, not out trying to survive in the frigid elements, I had to remind myself. There was a run with 3 tiny sibling pups, eagerly wagging their tails in greeting, chiming in chorus with their silly puppy barks. They wanted to play so much. Then there was the young basset hound, barooooing to be let out for a romp. The runs went on, each with one or more dogs. I stopped at the run across from the basset hound, thrilled to see a pomeranian and two doxie-mix pups. For the longest time, I've really been wishing we had one dog that was really lap sized. Don't get me wrong here, I love each and every one of the dogs we share life & home with now. It's just that none of them really qualify as lap dogs, not that they would ever admit to it!

Finally, I sighed and bid the dogs goodbye, realizing the Pom and the two Doxie pups would not be well suited for our home. The Pom was non-stop yapping & I was certain Heidi would bite that noisy little head off within a week, just to get it to shut up. The doxies weren't that friendly, so I didn't even feign interest in them. I'd given each dog in that room a bit of attention & some praise and was satisfied to go home.

That's where the problem began. I had to walk past the cat room, which is just off the dog room, to go out the exit. Sigh.... I'd promised, so thought to myself, why not? I made a hasty right turn and walked into the cat room. There they all were, many I'd seen on previous visits to the shelter. There was that kitten that looked like it could be a sibling to the two females I "found on the highway in a box" wink wink. There were the two old, huge longhaired Siamese cats, lounging in their cages. That one could pass as a twin to my Balinese blue Point, Jaxx. Except Jaxx loves to curl up by my chin at night and purr me to sleep. The imposter at the shelter has attitude that would not be tolerated long in our home.

I greeted the cats and kittens, walking past the cages and cooing to each one. It was then that I discovered a sweet surprise. Man, was I in trouble now. He was adorable, tiny with huge eyes.. His ears perked up when he saw me, then he began trying to climb out of the cage. Obviously, he wanted me to take him out and give him some love. I hesitated, then opened the cage door, since he had begun licking my fingers through the grill on the door. What else could I do, but hold him for a few minutes, right? Spouse never said I could not hold any of the critters, I was just forbidden to bring home any cats. Message recieved and understood. His little frame trembled in my arms, as I lifted him out of the confines of his cage. As soon as he could reach it, his soft tongue began to caress my cheek, grateful to have been freed from the cell. My heart melted. I was doomed from the moment he laid eyes on me, of that I am sure.

We went out the reception room, where I asked the girl at the deks about his story. She told me his owner was no longer able to keep him & offer him the attention he needed, because she now had to work 12 hour days. That was sad, but sounded like she must have cared for him, to try to make sure he found a family that could give him a fun life. The thing I appreciate about this shelter is they are a no kill shelter. The grouchy old Siamese cat I brought home from there, Old Jeeps, had lived there for nearly a year before I adopted her. More questions and answers followed, until I was certain he was truly meant to come home with me. No matter what grief Spouse might put me through, I was determined this little guy was supposed to be mine.

I paid the deposit and adoption fee, signed the spay/neuter clause and othe forms and left with my new baby. He's actually 4 years old, but he's as big as he'll ever get. Immediately, I went to Wallyworld and Target, buying a few little tee shirts and a raincoat for him. Since he is so small, I thought the coat & shirts might help him with the cold. The nice thiing is, he actually let me put them on him, with no fuss at all! Yippeee! I have a dress up pocket pet now!
Then began the journey home....

What was I going to tell Spouse? Another tall tale about finding the poor thing being abused and abandoned? Not! I can honestly say I've been more honest with Spouse than with anyone else in my life for as long as we've been together. Lying sucks and I am just not good at it. Not only that, I've learned it is much easier to keep track of the truth than a lie. So what was I going to do now?

When I was about 8 miles from home, I dialed the house and Spouse answered. We went through the normal, hiyas, I love yous and I gave him a condensed version of my trip. Yup, got the packages shipped, stopped at a couple of stores, picked up dog food and dropped that too small fleece coat off at the shelter. There was silence on the other end, following that last bit of shared information. Then it came... the question knew he was going to ask, "You didn't get a cat did you? I said NO more cats!!!"

"Calm down, darling.... I did not get a cat! No kittens either! They did give me some free treats for our dogs and two boxes of scoopable kitty litter that a store had donated to them." Thankfully, I was able to get off the phone, because of the rolling hillside and crappy reception. I told him I'd see him soon. Yes, he knew something was up, but wasn't sure what yet. As long as it wasn't another frikkin cat!

The car pulled into the driveway and I left it running, while I carried in the two free boxes of kitty litter, my purse and the brand new DVD Serenity. Can't wait to watch it with Spouse! He started going through the bags, glad to see the movie and retired back to his chair in the living room. Once everything had been brought into the house, I went out to turn the car off and fetch my new baby.

A gal just has to know how to set these things up, I suppose. Some are better at it than others. Either I lead a very blessed life or I'm a 12 on the 1 - 10 scale! Maybe a bit of both. Anyhoo, I brought him in, tried to calm down the dogs sniffing and jumping up to see what was in my arms. My little bundle was trembling again and wriggling to get higher up on my shoulder. Spouse was ordered to close his eyes for a sweet surprise that I brought home from Watertown... again reminded that no cats were brought home!

Spouse had his eyes covered when I entered the living room, so I sat down on the footstool in front of his chair. "Okay, open them."

"What the fuck is that?"

"It's not a cat!"

"It... it's... why on earth do you have that?"

"Because I've been wanting a puppy sized dog that will remain puppy sized for years. Now I have one. Besides, he picked me & they had him in a cat's cage! That was just cruel and inhumane, to let this poor, regal little guy be housed with the cats. How insulting to his psyche!"

Okay, folks. He's a 4 year old Chihuahua, a pretty chocolate brown with tan points and some white on his chest and hiney. His previous owner named him Casper, but I'm a firm believer in giving my critters new names, when they come to live with us forever... sort of a new name for the new start.

The typical names have run through my brain, but because he lives here now, a more unusual name would be better. It has to be something Spouse can remember easily. Any suggestions? Please? BTW, I have to admire his spunk - one of the first things he tried to do was to mount Chikki, our resident little girly Entle about to come in heat. He was soooo cute, considering he can walk underneath her belly without ducking! :)) I'll post a pix of him ASAP. Until then, please help me think up a good name to give him!

The past couple of weeks, whenever I had to run to Watertown, or any other place besides the mailbox, I've been trying to find special gifts for Spouse. I have the feeling this might be his last Christmas, so I want it to be the best possible. Ya, we don't put a tree up, mainly because sometimes we have to have all the critters in the house when the temps are really unbearable outside in the kennel. Doesn't make much sense to decorate a tree, to only have the dogs chase the kitties up it, then have them pissing under it and all over presents, right? Not that they are not housebroken, it's just that we have two stud males here, as well as two alpha bitches, so there's a lot of pissing matches when they all get into close quarters. That's just what those crazy dogs do. I get to referee & mop, of course. So, no beautiful tree, nor sparkling garlands of pine & holly adorning our humble abode. I miss it, actually, as decorating for the holidays always helped to put me into the mood for the festivities.

I used to start playing the Christmas music right after Thanksgiving dinner. No more, since Spouse prefers to watch one of his television programs. He's a big CSI fan, as well as Law & Order type shows. I kind of like them, too, as long as I haven't already seen them. The nice thing about the reruns for him, is that sometimes he doesn't remember watching it before. Who'da thunk there was a positive side to having mini-strokes, huh? ;) Anyhoo, on with my main reason for posting tonight...

Ya, I may have gone off the deep end, but I think there's a good possibility I have gotten him way too much for Christmas! At first, I thought I'd just get him a couple of things he needs, but there was always something else I'd see that was perfect for Spouse. What's a gal to do? Charge it, of course. Today I drove into Watertown, to make a dump run. Barely made it on time, but was fortunate. Those little arrow prayers really do get answered in a good way sometimes! The train I had to wait on had me a bit nervouse, tho, I must admit. Back to the mall, where I wound up after ridding the vehicle of our garbage. We both have been waiting for the DVD of Serenity to come out & it's due next Tuesday, I think. While in the mall, I dashed to Goody's & paid for my copy!!! I am sooo stoked! That's the gift I got for both of us, since we're both such big fans. It would be great to be able to buy the season's tv series on DVD, too... hopefully, that will happen.

My nose is tweaked right now. For about two hours, I sniffed and sprayed, inhaled the coffee beans and sniffed some more. It's about time that Spouse got some new cologne. Actually, I'm hoping this gift of scents will entice him to bath more often... :)) You think I"m joking, but not much really. It's difficult for him to get into the shower by himself, but I'd jump in there with him anytime. Maybe he's not wanting me in there any more, because it's not for the same reasons we used to shower together. I dunno. Whatever, somehow, my husband has begun to have that "old man" smell. You know the smell. I love him dearly and it's weird to realize he has a certain odor that I used to associate with my Grandpa when I was much younger! The thing that really gets me on this subject is the fact he isn't that old, not really.

Ah well, it appears I sort of got off track, which doesn't surprise me at all. My brain has been smelling a conglomeration of the various scents exposed to my sinuses, since I left the mall. It smells rather nice, so I hope it's in the set of scents I picked out for him. It was hard to decide which scent I liked best, so I went for one of the neat little sample sets. Maybe he'll like them all, maybe not.

Cheese balls, I really wanted to write more tonight, but my eyes are starting to cross. Been a long day for me, with the trip to Watertown. Remind me to tell you about the fun of driving through the small blizzards, two days in a row. Yep, that's a total blast!

Well, I've spent the better part of the morning working on the design of my blog. Almost have the colors the way I want, but not quite there yet. For now, have not figured how to add my logo (the llama pic with the colorful text), but I'll get there yet. Might check the forums later. For now, I apologize to the reader for the trashy appearance. Maybe you know how it is to be half-dressed when your ride arrives? I've got to go to town, to sign some legal papers.... later peeps!

edit:Well, it's not what I had in mind, but I kinda like it anyhoo. Now to just figure out why the comments left have such a huge margin of white! Any clues?

This morning I was supposed to go to a town meeting, to determine whether we would be qualified for any sort of a$$istance, because of what we had to spend on the ice storm/power outage. I got up in time, let the dogs out to "do their duties"

As soon as I'd let them back in, I crawled back under the covers, not caring whether I made it to the meeting or not. What idiot plans a community meeting at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday anyway? :eek: I didn't wake up until the phone rang at 1 p.m., so must've needed the sleep. Wasn't awake for long, before the power went out again. Poor Spouse had just gotten up, only minutes before everything went pft! It took all my strength to not say "I told you so!" about him putting his shower off until today. We waited around for about an hour, then I checked to see how much surplus kerosene we had in the mudroom. Only 5 gallons, not nearly enough if we were to need it all weekend. So, I loaded up the empty jugs and set off for Clark. The nice thing about this little town is there are places to purchase neccessities such as this, from the bulk supplier. That is, if you make it in before noon on a Saturday morning!

My trip ended taking me to Watertown, after a jaunt to the local Desnoyers Hardware only unearthed the last four jugs (a total of 3 gallons) of kerosene in town for sale. Still not enough, so off to the big city I drove. The road were pretty clear and the ice was melting off of the suburban SUV quickly. A couple of times, I worried that the big ice chunks that were flying off the hood into the windshield would break the crack that scrolls across the passenger side, but was fortunate. Soon enough, I was in Watertown and ready to take on the city drivers.

It should probably be noted that I loathe driving in big cities, mostly because of the smell of all the exhaust fumes. With all of the hussle and bustle of the holiday shoppers, it is pure poison to drive in Watertown right now. The stores are not much better than the streets either. What is it with people who are in the stores, just talking to each other and blocking the paths of the shoppers on a mission? I can't even begin to count how many times I had to dang near bump some moron's ass just to get thru the aisles! Maybe I'm just getting a bit crotchety in my old, hermitage age... dunno. Then, Spouse calls me, while I'm in town (he loves that I have that cell phone now! :D) to let me know the power is back on! Yippie! *heavy sigh*

Since I was already there, he reminded me that I promised to do his Christmas shopping for him. This meant I was supposed to buy something for his wife (me), since he is unable to leave the house when the snow and ice makes ambulating difficult outside for him. Hmmmm, so what did he want to buy his beautiful wife, I ask? He suggested a nice blanket, so she could stay nice and warm, if the electric went off again. Uh, okay.... he wants the quilter in the family to go buy a blanket? :|

Eventually, after perusing the electronics for that "blanket", I found a cute pair of slippers that resemble a St. Bernard puppy that I was sure she would simply adore. I'm pretty sure she has a slipper fetish, if memory serves me correctly. Then, my cart ventured toward the ladies wear department. Maybe she would like a nice sweater, instead? There were a few she might like, but not in her size/color, so my search continued. The nice thing is, for her, she has lost at least two pants sizes in the past couple of weeks. Shoveling snow, eating top ramen and shivering for hours must really be good for the diet. Anyhow, I was fairly certain that pair of brown corduroy slacks with the silky brown belt would fit her, as well as the classic black slacks. I know Spouse told me to only spend $20 on her, but hey... at least I kept it below $30! After all she's done this past couple of weeks, I figured it would only be right to spend a little extra on her. ;) Hopefully, she will love what he got her for Christmas....

Ya, sometimes that what I have to do for Spouse, but I know he'd rather do the shopping for me himself. I dare not suggest he venture out any more than he needs in this weather. The last thing we need is for him to have more of his mini-strokes at WallyWorld! As it is, I think he had a couple during the ice storm outage. It was scary, but there was no way I could drive him to Sioux Falls, let alone to Aberdeen to see his doctor. Since they didn't seem too major, as far as strokes go, I let him sleep thru the worst part of everything. That's what seems to help the most, plus it kept him warm, tucked under his covers. Tomorrow, after he has his breakfast, I think I'll soak his feet and give him a nice foot treatment. He has been pretty coherent the past two days & it's been fantastic to have him really "here" to talk to. I just wish I hadn't had to spend most of this day in the city. Maybe tomorrow he'll "be here" again. I can only hope and pray.

:D Whew! Man, how wonderful it felt to take a hot shower in my own house tonight. Our electricity finally was restored this afternoon and the house is beginning to warm up. For the first 3 days of the storm, while powerless, we used candles to keep the kitchen & bath from freezing up. It's amazing how much heat one can get from a few pillar and taper candles. The lights went out, just after I made my last post here, on Sunday, Nov. 26th. We've been without any electricity and the comforts that come from such a source since then. Our neighbors down the road were fortunate to have their power restored a week ago. last Wednesday. What a blessing those neighbors are, too! They insisted we borrow their kerosene heater until we got our own power back on.

At first, I was hesitant to use their heater, fearing our dogs or cats might mess it up. By Thursday, though, after hearing on the tiny battery-operated radio that we could be without power for as long as 3 weeks, I conceded. Went down the road, via our big rig and loaded up the kerosene heater and the propane camp stove. We set the k. heater up in the kitchen underneath the stainless steel table and were able to keep water warm and dry towels, etc.

Today, 12 days later, our home feels somewhat normal again. Everything in the fridge had to be thrown out, but I did manage to save most of the things from the freezer. I'd gotten all of that out to the back porch & covered it with snow the day after the power went out. The fridge stuff, however, couldn't withstand the heat eminating from the heater nearby. I'd managed to freeze some empty jugs of water, to stick in the fridge and try to keep it cool, but soon it was just too much to do. I have no idea how the pioneers managed in the old days, especially during winter. Not enough daylight hours to get everything finished!!!

There were so many things that happened during the blackout, some good, some bad. For the most part, we survived and are grateful to our friends for their prayers and good wishes. Spouse had a very good day today, which made this all the sweeter of a day. It's going to be wonderful to sleep in my bed tonight, without the silly stocking cap on. Man, I hope I don't wake up thinking it's another hot flash - when I wake up and realize my bedroom is no longer a balmy 22*F!

Not sure how long I have before the laptop quits for the night. Our power just went out & it's freezing rain outside. Got the water dripping in the taps, to be on the safe side..... Spouse is no help, in fact, he fell asleep during his dinner with a mouthful. I think I need to bring the extra blankets up from the basement... so he doesn't get a chill.

Now, where's my candles & flashlights, anyway? Send some warm thoughts our way... it's supposed to get worse before it gets better here. We were supposed to have our DSL hooked up tomorrow, buyt I'd reather the phone company person stay nice and safe in Wathertown, rather than risk life & limb just so I can get online faster. I wouldn't like that hanging over my head, ya know?

Anyhoos - I'd love to visit everyone, but need to conserve the battery, just in case. Sending hugs & warm thoughts to ya'll.

:@ Tonight, I was playing around with my blog layout a bit more, trying to get the calendar feature on here. Upon my discovering that if I changed to the "legacy" account type, I'd be able to add that feature, I began clicking away. Ya, it was a bit disappointing to learn that the colors I'd chosen here were altered to a default, but no problem... right? I then investigated how my blog would appear with the "regular" account. Aaack!! :( Not my taste at all, even though it is easy enough on the eyes. The problem then came up where I was unable to "back up" to where I'd begun - which is with this layout.

So, I zipped a descriptive email to Keith & Waalaaah! A window opened up that I was able to reset the layout. I don't know if that was just a fluke, since I managed to close all of my windows, but I'd like to think it's because Keith was right there, on the job & meeting the needs of his "bloggers". I'm totally relieved to be able to get this layout back, so I can copy all the colors I chose, before choosing a new style of account. Whew!

On a side note, the invasion of MB's continues and I'm really happy to see old familiar names. Before too long, the old neighborhood might seem pretty empty. Welcome to all my friends who have moved into the new digs!

Well, folks, I finally made it here and am trying to figure out the handy tools that will make my blog more like "home" to me. I'm sure it will take some time for me, since my time on the pc is limited nowaday. So far, I like what I see here, especially all of my dear friends from Modblog!! Not even going to go into a rant on that place, except to mention I have been sorely disappointed with the time it has taken to repair the damages. I only wish Gorman the best & hope that ModBlog will someday be a great place again. Perhaps he should not have tried to "fix" it, eh?

Anyway - life here has gone on, as it has since I last entered a post in my old MB blog. Got thru the Thanksgiving holiday, spent with Spouse awake and in a fairly good state. I hope everyone else has had a good holiday and they are ready for their Christmas/winter festivities. It's already cold here & I am about to run out to the local WallyWorld to purchase a pair of lined drapes for the front window. The breeze that blows in chills my shoulders when I sit on the sofa, so I don't want Spouse to sit there at all! He's asleep for now, so I ought to be able to make the run to Watertown, cruise thru the store and pick up the items we need and get home before he even realizes I'm gone. Gotta love those 24-hour stores!!

Be patient with my working out the basics on the design of my blog, dear friends. I'll get it "old eyes friendly" as soon as possible. After all, I have to read it too!

The past couple of weeks have flown quickly, as the days get shorter and the evenings cooler. Autumn is certainly all around, with the sounds and colors of the changing season everywhere I look. Even here at home, things seem to be as changing as the leaves on the tiny maple in the front yard.

Spouse has begun to demonstrate more of those odd behaviors lately. Some days are better than others, but it seems if he's having more of the off days than the better. His condition is a little difficult to describe, without making it sound as if I'm complaining. Actually, I've been wanting to blog about this for some time, but have hesitated because I didn't want to sound like I'm on a pity part parade. Not at all, just need to see it in writing, something to help me clarify to myself what has been observed.

When he had his first "episode", we got him into the doctor's fairly quick. Now he refuses to go again, stating it's just going to be the same old run-around as last time. I think he's just afraid the docs will keep him indefinitely. Spouse has told me in the past that the last thing he wants is to die in some old veteran's home for the aged. That's not going to happen, as long as I'm able to take care of him & provide what he needs.

The "episodes" have begun coming with some regularity, if you want to call it that. Today was a good day for him, so I was able to run to Watertown to buy him a present. Got him a television for his bedroom, complete with a built-in DVD/CD player. Now, he can play with his Game Cube and watch vids from the comfort of his hospital bed on the bad days.

Perhaps I should specify what the episodes consist of, for posterity, eh? On one of the "bad" days, Spouse sleeps the majority of the day. When & if he does arouse from slumber, he has difficulty focusing on any conversations. The conversations we do attempt to have usually end up with one or both of us confused as all get out! For example:

Me: "I'm going to town to pick up your coat & the filter thingy. Can you think of anything else we might need?"

Spouse: "Uh...yeah. Mmmmm, don't forget to pick up that filter thingy. And be sure you get the filter thingy. Ummmmm, I already said filter thingy, didn't I?"

Me: "Uh, ya, you mentioned it once or so."

Spouse: "Okay, then make sure you pick up my coat. And a filter thingy. Are you going to get my coat? My coat and a filtery thingy. Get the coat, too."

Me: Okay, anything else you can think of besides the coat & filter thingy?"

Spouse: "For what?"

Me: "I'm going to town to pick up your coat and the filter thingy."

Spouse: "Okay. What are you going to town for?"

and so on.....


It is so weird to try to communicate with him now, since he used to be such a wonderful conversationalist. He was able to read any book and could just about tell you what sentence was in which paragraph on what page. I miss those talks we had. They are long gone, I fear. What happened to his mind, I have no idea, but think maybe those several years of chemotherapy play a major role in the degradation of his faculties. It's sad to watch him get frustrated, as he tries to tell me what he's thinking.

Then there are the more physical symptoms, some very frightening, because Spouse runs the risk of injuring himself at times. We'll be sitting together, watching one of his favorite television programs and they will start. His arms begin to flinch and flail, as if driven by some unseen force. Sometimes, the movements are minor, other times seriously spastic. I've begun to recognize when he's having an episode, even before he speaks now. He has a tendency to bring his hand up to his face, as if to flick some invisible object away from his cheek. Maybe he's trying to rest his chin on his hand... who knows? Anyway, his hand never quite touches his face, but it will move as if brushing off something, then the pattern repeats. When his episode is more severe, his arms will jerk out from his body, like he is pointing towards the floor, wall, sofa.. etc.

Now he seems to be losing his legs more often. No, they are not unattached, I mean, he tends to lose the ability to hold himself up with his legs, more often. He has fallen several times this week, because his legs just went out from underneath him. Thank God for the walker he got from the VA. If only I could convince him to use it in the house more frequently!!

The other day, I went into his bedroom, just to check on him, when I noticed one of his handguns on the bedside table. That scared me & it was quickly removed. Not that he has any suicidal tendencies, but it's frightening to think he might suffer an episode while messing around with one of his guns. Imagine if he fell and it went off, or worse yet, he accidentally shot someone in the house. The very thought makes me shudder. I feel horrid, taking his precious guns away from him, but feel it's a valid threat to his welfare, at this point. Tonight, he mentioned returning two of the guns he bought this month (ya, I don't say no to him when buying a gun seems to make him happy) because he says they don't work. At least, they don't work for him. There isn't anything wrong with those two guns, brand new & perfect guns. The problem is with Spouse, who used to be able to tear a gun apart and rebuild with his eyes closed a year ago.

This totally sucks, watching my soul mate deteriorate before my very eyes. To be absolutely helpless and unable to "fix" him. All I can do is be here for him, continue to love him and try to make things easier for him. Is this some sort of dementia, early signs of Alsheimers, or simply more of the mini-strokes his doctor said he had? I don't know. I am afraid.

The phone rang on Friday, just after lunch time. It was Cindy, telling me she could get away and meet me at the halfway point between our homes. We'd had several discussions over the past few weeks and today was the day. Could I get away and meet her this day? Yes, if she gave me about an hour to load the car. Phone numbers & basic directioins were passed along and I began to load the Tracker up.

It would have been more realistic of me to tell her it would take at least two & a half hours to get out of my driveway. Spouse never does well with me just scooting out the door, like I plan. NO, he has to drag it out, in his sweet way, so that I'm at least an hour behind schedule. Perhaps that just is a sign of how much he misses me. For crying out loud, though! This was supposed to just be a simple day trip, with me returning that evening.

After I got off the phone, I gathered up the Search and Rescue equipment, all of Bronx's paperwork and plenty of water/food for the journey. It wasn't too difficult to get Bronx in the car, but since I was taking Lil Bit along (you may remember her as Shebarkley Treavynne), we had to get a harness on her. The thing is, she hasn't had a harness on her for almost a year. So, once I got that on her she began rolling and screaming as if she'd been bitten in the ass by a wombat! Silly girl! Eventually, she settled down and I was able to clip the leash to the harness. Here we go again... more theatrics on Lil Bit's part. *insert rolling eyes here* Got her in the car and off we went, eastward toward Foley, Minnesota. It was exciting to take off for this trip, mostly because I'd never taken this back route before.

We got to Watertown, gassed up and were out of SD in less than an hour. I hadn't realized it was that close to MN! The trip there was pleasant, with good radio statioins (since Spouse had taken all the CDs from the car, dang it!) and the dogs were doing fine. Went thru several smaller type towns, a couple of kinda cities and finally hit St. Cloud. One town en route that really stuck out was Paynesville! Man, I sooo wanted to stop for the night in that place on the way home!!! It appeared the entire town had gotten together for a citywide yard/garage sale! I could really have dented our budget there, and nearly ended up staying there on the way home, after all! Ah well, just as good I didn't - not with just Lil Bit with me.

So we get to Foley, around dark and I called the number for contact. We met at the phone booth, then I followed them to a tennis court for the introductions and to let the kids out to pee. Everything went really well, even Lil Bit, who finally started walking around a bit on the leash, once inside the courts. Never mind I had to physically lift her from the floorboards, where she was cowering and carry her to the gate! Can't say I blame her though, since there was a huge ass Rottie at a house across the street from the tennis courts. The Rottie was doing his job & doing it with great gusto. Bark, bark, bark, bark.... on & on, for ever! I finally yelled at the Rottie to "STFUP!!!" and it did! Blew my mind, because the dog went inside the open door of the home and just laid down to watch us. Once he shut the f up, my pups relaxed quite a bit. I could have throttled that dog's owner, for not getting off their ass to see what the dog was going on & on about! Anyway, Bronx got along great with his new mom's other Entle, Brody, very well - so the adoption went as planned. I gave her all of his S&R equipment and loaded him into her pickup truck. My heart was breaking, but there was a true peace within my spirit about letting him go with her. She's a good person and it was obvious she cares very much for her other Entle. In the past few days, since she got him, she's called nearly every day to keep me aprised of his status, which I appreciate so much!

The trip home, with just Lil Bit to keep me company, didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped. I got to learn the hard way there is a "bermuda triangle" between Paynesville & Montevideo, in Minnesota. Ya, I found it and spent an hour driving in circles, in the dark, trying to find my way back to the original route. It seems I took the wrong #7 road... instead of Hwy 7, I'd inadvertantly turned off on RR #7, which took me through corn fields and rural teensy communities. No signs to signify east from west, nor north from south. No compass or directional system in the vehicle, either. I finally reached a town, with a name I recalled seeing on the map, so pulled over to check the map for sure. Yep, I was in Prinzville *or something like that* and only had to guess which way to turn, in order to get back on track... left or right. A semi-truck zoomed past, so I chose to follow it.. surely it was heading someplace, right? So, on we continued, driving thru another little town, Roseland and on to the next teeny burg..where a huge flashing yellow light cautioned drivers to the crossroad. When I approached the light, I was horrified to see yet another backwoods boony road marked with the #7!!! For crying out loud - how many roads had this number in this tiny area? I pulled over again, checking my map once again. Since I wasn't too sure where I was when I got lost in the first place, my brain was beginning to feel a little scrambled. Normally, I didn't really mind getting lost a wee bit.

This night, however, was a bit different. First off, I was tired - very tired. Second off, at the last gas station where I filled up, there was some weird old guy invading my space. As soon as I got out of my car, at the pump, he began engaging me in conversation. Stuff that was NONE of his business. I was feeling a bit spooked, especially when I noticed it seemed all of his possessions were in the front seat of his dilapidated old truck. Normally, I try to not judge a person by their appearance, but that's usually when they respect my "space". This guy, however, kept walking closer and closer to me, asking more and more questions about where I live, where I work, am I married, why was I traveling alone... it was totally unnerving to me, for some reason. Maybe other women can relate to that little "warning buzzer" that goes off in their gut when they sense impending danger.... that's what I was feeling. As soon as my little tank was full (so glad I'd taken the small car!) I dashed into the station to pay & use the potty. After taking as long as I could before someone else knocked on the door, I wandered around the store, until I was sure he was no longer hanging around my vehicle.

My hands were still shaking from the encounter when I got back into my car. My skin was crawling, feeling as if I were being watched from the many shadows around the station. Deep breaths... take deep breaths... exhale. It didn't help - just couldn't shake the eeiry aura that surrounded me, not even with my doors locked. I started the car & realized that I wasn't sure which road to take, to continue on the trip. This gas station was located between two main routes, both barely marked. I pulled up to a car, where a young man was approaching the driver's door. Rolled down the window and asked which of the two was the #7 I needed. He directed me to the road on the right side of the station and I took off on it.

For the next 15 miles, a vehicle followed me, through the little town I was in, past the acres of corn fields and staying just far enough behind me so I could not tell what kind of rig it was. Maybe it was because of my weariness, or my imagination running rampant. The longer this vehicle followed me, the more afraid I was. No, we don't have a cell phone - Spouse tells me all I have to do is take along my gun(s) and then I won't need a fricking cell phone. I wonder if he could hear me cursing him out in this segment of the journey? Na, he was at home, sleeping like a baby. Finally, the vehicle behind me turned off, on a dark & dusty road out in the middle of nofiretruckinplace. If it was the truck with the weird man, I will never know... I do know how fast my little car can go on gravel roads before it rolls, though!

It was nearly 4 in the morning before I pulled up in our driveway, exhaustion in complete control of my body, mind and spirit. There have not been too many road trips where I have felt that kind of fear, but when I have one, it is draining. Why a 3.5 - 4 hour trip took me 6 hours is beyond me. It's not as if I had stopped for a nap. I betcha I was fated to spend the night in Paynesville and hit the garage sales... but chose to keep driving. Now I wonder what sort of treasure I missed out on at the yard/garage sales..... how else can I explain that weird little road trip? hmmmmm...

The first time this day really had any meaning for me was many years ago, when I was excitedly preparing birthday surprises for Hubby #1. Bill's birthday is on the 12th of September and I tried to make the day special for him. Not that he ever needed my input to make him feel special. His ol' pal, Budweiser, had claimed that honor long before I came along. Ya, I was young & thought then that if he loved me enough, the drinking would soon take second stage to me, his lovely young bride. Wrong-aroni folks. So much for that sort of blind love.

It was many years later, with Hubby #3, (we all know him here as Spouse) when we lived back in Montana. Spouse had an appointment that day in Missoula at the VA clinic, so we were rushing out of the door early in the morning. Spouse was already outside in the truck, while I was just getting toward the door. The phone rang, with a friend of ours in Fargo on the other end of the line. We hadn't turned the television on that morning, no time since we had to hit the road, ya know? LeAnn told me with great urgency to turn the set on.... even after I explained I HAD to run. Turn it on I did and the rest of the day was a horrible blur. A very quiet blur, except for the news on the radio. It made for a very eerie drive to Missoula that morning, with very little traffic on the freeway. I think we saw maybe 5 cars total, the entire trip to Missoula. It felt as if we were driving through a ghost town, once we reached Missoula. Nobody in sight, probably all at home or work, likely glued to their televisions and radios. Our country was in shock because of the WTC attacks that day in 2001.

Zoom forward a couple of more years. This time, last year, I was in Oklahoma, surrounded by my family and a few friends. We were at the park, where my mom went frequently to feed the ducks and geese. She loved it there and saved all of her popcorn and bread for her feathered friends. It was only fitting to have the ceremony by this lake.

I didn't even realize what day her memorial service was held, until someone mentioned it at the park that day. Since it was her wish to be cremated, we opted for a memorial potluck picnic, instead of a fancy funeral. Mom always hated those sort of phoney things. Just quoting her on that, btw. She'd always said, if you can't bring me flowers while I'm alive, you damned sure better not bring a bunch of them to my funeral. That's the kind of person she was. I'm glad I sent her flowers a few times in her life. She probably would have appreciated the irony of her service being held on a day when the country mourned, even if it wasn't specifically for her passing.

It's been a year since that day we bid her spirit farewell, as far as the public goodbyes go. I still speak to her sometimes, tho' not aloud, unless the kitchen drawers open or the phone gets weird on us. It's sort of a private joke between us sisters now; any time something unusual happens or something goes missing for a couple of days, we blame it on mom. She was just the sort of prankster to mess with us like that. We like to think she's still with us, pulling her little jokes now and then.

It's probably her way of paying us back for all the times we cleaned her house for her. She hated housework and was always so furious to come home & discover we'd cleaned her home. Mom was a packrat, something she inherited from her father, no doubt. I sometimes wonder if it's genetic, because I see myself bordering on that side of the tree. Heck, all three of us (me & my 2 sisters) are packrats of one sort or another. We prefer, of course, to call ourselves "collectors". My youngest sis makes a pretty fair penny reselling her collections on ebay, but I haven't got that sort of organizational skills honed enough, yet. Anyhoo - we'd clean and organize mom's house & all of her "valuables", trying to help her maintain some sort of sanity... The only thanks we ever got when we did this, was her usual cries of, "Shit! Shit! Shit! I can't find a g**damned thing in this house now! I wish you girls would leave my stuff the hell alone! Shit!! Shit!! Shit!!"

Poor mom would go crazy trying to find the silliest things, too. Sisters and I would nearly choke trying our best not to laugh when she was going through her "panic searches for the oddest" things. Yes, we would help her find whatever it was, just so she could calm down. I mean, if it had been important papers she was looking for, no problem mom, they're in this drawer.. with all the other important papers. "And why the hell can't you just keep my shit in the paper bags I had them filed in?" was usually her retort. No, instead she had to find something that she'd spent an entire nickel on at a recent garage sale. God forbid we should ever hide that wonderful little toy from her, right? Never mind that it was dirty and had a few missing parts.. there was a child someplace in a third world country who would love to have that toy! Ya, right mom... so why don't you send it to them? As if....

Today I can look back at the memories of life with mom, the good the bad and the crazy.. with less tears in my heart than a year ago when we said farewell. Yes, I do miss her and I do regret not spending more time with her the last few years. Not really sure what I'm trying to say here except for this one thing that is clear to me - my mom raised 3 daughters and dealt with a cheating bastard of a husband for many years. Dad was almost always off someplace else, while in the military and he was a louse to his family, for the most part. It was my mother who kept us fed and dressed, kept daddy from beating us senseless and taught us to be independant. When the folks finally divorced, she worked full time as a waitress for $1 an hour, plus tips... and no child support.... and never complained about her lot in life. Mom was a good woman, an exceptional woman, IMHO.

There have been a lot of heroes remembered on Sept. 11, with lots of fanfare and grand salutes, since the attacks on the United States in 2001. Her name will most likely never be on a wall or monument anywhere, but I still add it to my own spiritual "wall of remembrance". My mom was the biggest hero I've ever known, and she shall never be forgotten. R.I.P mom... I miss you & love you.

Today was my anniversary of wedded bliss with Spouse, #8, if anyone is counting. I know the government is, since "they" told Spouse we must be married at least 8 years in order for me to be eligible for any of his benefits if/when he passes away. What a$$holes - as if I care about the money! Hopefully, Spouse will be around for many, many years to come. It's not often in life that one has the extreme good fortune to meet and marry their soulmate.

We had a fairly uneventful day, with the exception of our basement getting some water in it again. Ever since hurricane Katrina hit, our basement has been getting a couple of inches of water in one corner of the floor. There's a pump down there, but it doesn't work. Why it's down there, I have no clue... it would have been hauled to the dump long ago, had I been informed of it's uselessness!

So, instead I was downstairs with the shopvac, sucking up the dirty water again. Imagine my surprise to learn the shopvac does not have an "exhale" feature! The shopvac came with Spouse, one of the many tools that he owned when we married. *note to self: get a new shopvac with the exhale feature* That may be well and good enough for the
woodshop Spouse talks about having someday, but for sucking fluids out of the basement... well, it just sucks! That sucker is sooo heavy when it's full of water. Heck, it's heavy when it's empty! *L* The only way I could empty i t was to open the drain plug on the machine and try to get the majority of the mucky water into buckets. Haul the buckets up the stairs, rinse, repeat. As it stands, I was able to get the water sucked up, but left the final vac full of water downstairs. I'll go down and haul the buckets up tomorrow, finish cleaning up the mess and hope the Mississippi doesn't continue seeping into our basement.

Today is also the anniversary of the day I left here for a trip to Oklahoma, to bid my mother farewell. It was a year ago, yesterday, that my sis called with the news about mom's death. I've done a bit of relfection on the past year, searching for what is different, if anything, about me as a person. One thing I did recognize is the fact I tend to shut down when someone I love dies. Since mom died, I haven't done hardly any quilting - just got finished what I had to and then walked away from it. I did the same thing when my friend Leslie committed suicide a few years ago. It was just to difficult to function without feeling guilt. As for mom's case, I don't know if there's any guilt in there, outside of feeling horrid about not calling her more often. It's more like I've just been numb. And tired... numb and tired, emotionally. Just going through the motions, with very little "e" included. Perhaps that's natural, I don't know. What I do know, is it is time for me to try to move on - pick up where I left off and live a bit again. No, scratch that - I have been living. What I must find is the strength to feel again. The dull in my soul has shrouded my muse for too long, had its stranglehold on my spirit too many days.

Don't get me wrong - I am a happy person, at least content. Compared to the woes of so many others on the planet, there is very little I can complain about. We have all of our needs met and I am blessed with a husband who adores me. It just feels like I didn't do much growing, personally, this past year. That does not please me, does not meet with my personal goals.

To tell the honest truth, to this day, I still have not one iota of remorse for using the recipe on Raymond. Back when I was about 17 or so, my friend "K" and I were dating a couple of guys who were friends. My boyfriend, Terry, was an awesome drummer, while Raymond just sort of hung out with Terry for a living. While I have some decent memories of the time spent dating Terry, I think I'll always remember Raymond better. Probably because of the recipe, no doubt.

He was a nice enough fella, except he had one minor flaw that really used to irk me. It still does. He was cheating on his wife, to date my friend, "K". I was, and still am, very angry about guys & gals who swear "forever", then turn around and break that trust. It just stinks, I think. No, I have never cheated on any of my husbands - tho I do know how it feels to be betrayed like that.

Anyhoo - on one particular lovely summer day, Raymond and Terry were over at my house, visiting "K" and me. Mom was at work & I have no clue where my sisters were. Probably off on their own adverntures, I'd guess. Raymond & "K" went off to my bedroom for a heavy makeout session, while Terry & I smoked our hearts out in the living room. It wasn't long before my friend "K" walked out into the living room, giggling hysterically. Raymond went straight into the bathroom, obviously upset. Terry & I were puzzled about what had occurred in the bedroom, but we waited for Raymond to come out and tell us. "K" was laughing until tears were falling, so she was no help. She just kept choking on her laughter & pointing toward the bathroom.

Eventually, within a few minutes, Raymond exited the privacy of the bathroom, with a horrified look upon his face. It might help to explain that he had never actually "confessed" to my friend "K" up to this point about his being married. She was a young teenager, believing he loved her & someday they'd be married. That silly teenage girl stuff, you know? Hence, she had no problem with the evidence of her affections which she'd placed on his neck that very afternoon.

I must admit, it had to be one of the most humongous hickeys I've ever seen in my life, to this day. Raymond began yelling and ranting about not being able to go around with that huge monstrosity on his neck & what was he going to do. Leave it to my evil self to come up with a wonderful solution.

In short order, I had him convinced that there was a perfectly good cure that would make a hickey disappear - absolutely. Terry had told me long before this lovely summer day about Raymond being married, but swore me to secrecy. I never did tell "K", being a person of good word, but always sort of held a grudge against Raymond for the indescretion. So - having convinced him the recipe would definitely work, I began doctoring the ugly mark on his neck.

It was at least the size of a silver half-dollar coin, if not larger. I had to give "K" many kudos for doing such a great job of marking her man! lol I sat Raymond down in a chair, in the kitchen, while Terry tried to calm him down with some herbal remedy that was popular amongst the crowd back then. Raymond told me he had no choice but to trust me. From the kitchen cupboard I pulled out the meat tenderizer, some garlic powder, a bit of vinegar and made a paste. Then, I pulled out the black permanent marking pen and colored over the hickey completely. Silly Raymond expressed a bit of concern about that aspect of the cure, but I assured him, once the paste had been applied and allowed to dry, no one would ever see that hickey again. He relaxed and the "cure" continued.

I have no idea how or why I chose those particular ingredients, but I did & the cure did work. The paste of the meat tenderizer, garlic & vinegar was applied and allowed to dry. Slowly, as it worked it's magic, Raymond began to feel confident about being able to go home again. Good for Raymond.

We gave the "cure" plenty of time to work, then finally I told him it was time to wash the paste off of his neck. He went into the bathroom and did just that. It was all I could do to keep a straight face when he emerged, again totally freaked out. What the #@&*! was he supposed to do with the huge black dot on his neck now? It was imbedded into his skin, like a tattoo from the paste opening his pores. I sweetly, quite innocently, blinked my lashes at him and inquired whether he could see the hickey any longer. NO, he admitted. Then the "cure" worked, I told him.

It's funny, but I don't remember seeing Terry any more after that day, if so, not for much longer. Maybe he was afraid of my home health care?

That's my dinner tonight. As I sliced the comforting wedge of Gouda cheese, I found myself recalling the many times my mother had given us this "treat". See, even though she was married, often her role of parent was much like that of the single mom. Our dad was in the military & sometimes he would be shipped off to another country for weeks, years even. My first year of junior high school was such an occassion.

While Daddy was off in Korea, doing whatever it was he did there (besides screwing the woman who is now my stepmom *coff coff*), my mother worked as a waitress to make ends meet here in the USA. Daddy only sent home about $200 a month and that barely covered the rent & utilities then. She was rarely home during that year, always leaving for work hours before we awoke to get ready for school. We were latchkey kids and didn't even know it. Her job offered a split shift, so she took that as soon as possible. Before long, it seemed the only time we saw her during the week & on weekends was when she came home for a nap or had the rare day off.

Sometimes, when the tips were pretty good and mom had the next day off, she'd announce we were going to the drive-in theatre! This was always a lot of fun for us, whether we actually wanted to see the show or not. The night out at the drive-in was always a blast, not only because we had mom to ourselves for an evening, but in the preparations, too. We made a hasty trip to the store to purchase all the standard snacks for the evening, since the concession stand was out of our budget. Soda pop, golden delicious apples, a small vairety of cheeses to slice/cube for the "backseat buffet", Ritz & Club crackers and sometimes some bologna or a kielbasa. Then off to the show we'd drive in the old navy blue Bonneville sedan.

To this day, the only few titles I recall watching during that year would be Georgie Girl, Dr. Zhivago & The Russions Are Coming. Don't ask me to give many details about any of the features I sat through, as my mother, sisters and I munched away on the crachers with the cheese and bologna or the tangy apple slices wrapped in a coat of mellow Gouda. I can still smell the night air of the outdoor theatre, with waves of popcorn, gasoline and beer drifting in through the windows. The speakers were always scratchy, always turned up to a loud volume and many times we were really cold & bundled underneath heavy blankets to ward off the chills of the evening air. Most of all, I recalled, tonight, the comfort and security I knew on those evenings when we did our best to be family. There was never extra money for things a lot of kids would take for granted nowaday, but we were happy. Maybe because we didn't have it in the first place, we didn't miss it.

My bowl is empty now, but there's still more Gouda in the fridge & a bag of sliced apple bits, as well. I think from now on, I'm going to treat myself to this "comfort food" more often. It's the next best thing, for me, to being with mom sitting in the old cold Bonneville with blaring speakers hanging on the window.